I have had enough

I have had enough, of all the shits and nonsense.

Why the recent vulgarities?

Level of stress is increasing by day and trust level declining every day too.

Why do people back stab?

I have had enough of pretentious & superficial lifestyle. Give me a break.

Joanne is retardedly crazy and lame, and she misses her friend who is most probably busy visiting all uncles and aunties in India right now and getting bitten by Indie mozzies. LOL. She misses home lots too, this Christmas and New Year will be different - lonely and boring.

2008, I fail to identify my feelings toward the new year, except that I hope that I can save some money to go travel in April or May, I will plan for a vacation, I need a holiday. I hope I can roll money on money too, and in Jan my exam results will be out, sighs.

The season of giving and hope doesn't sound too promising to me at all, at least, not yet.

No, I'm not really emo, just tired, yeah, more of tired than anything. Tired of being an adult. Tired of bearing responsibilities. Tired of pretending to be a know-it-all, to be up-to-date, to be a please-them-all, to be politically and diplomatically correct.

Life is pretentious and is a whole big facade.

I find solace in the library. (((: a nerd.

Thank you friends who are always there to listen to my rants, bear with my vulgarities, listen to my whinings, cheer me up with our secret jokes which are not really funny ok tsk. Thanks (((: HUGS. And also, for the visits and dinners and little cards, letters and gifts. Little things count and Joanne appreciates them all, big or small, far or near (((: Thanks for being nice.

I have had enough of craps, give Joanne a break, she needs a holiday, a nice long holiday and some understanding would be nice too.

back from hiatus

Dear readers,

Joanne is back.

Life is like a roller coaster. I miss living, laughing and loving. Why? I am both happy and sad, loved and lonely. How?

Haha, like seriously, I have no eff-ing idea.

Enough soap dramas. ((:

Updates... exam was shite. Don't ask. I was upset. Yes, was, am not that upset now, but still, the pinch is there. I feel poor despite earning monthly wages. That sucks. Finally I got my NLB membership. YAY *big grin*

I have one million things in my head but I just can't pen a single thing down. Lousy girl. Carolings are coming soon. I have mixed feelings haha, excited and not excited. Joanne is getting retarded.

Time is passing by and Joanne is fading together with it... somebody please grab hold of time for me please? Oh and one more thing, Joanne is reading chick lits haha, like seriously, she is! Probably that explains the emo-ness and shit like that, should have borrowed a John Grisham or Sidney Sheldon book instead haha.

Joanne shall aim to keep her indifference.

p.s. I love you mummy, thanks for everything. (((:

For you to decipher...

I braved myself through the dark little things
scattering over the pathways
fleeing everywhere like blind creatures

I cringed at the sight of the rush
one even stopped as if dared me to cross
with the raging headgears all armed

I braved myself to cross the paths
the whims... I was disgusted later
amazed of my courage

perhaps my fear could be conquered
afterall I braved myself to walk through my darkest fear

Not much literature content, actually, damn retarded if the mystery is disclosed. Haha, an expected reaction would be "what the fuck?" I find my writing amusing with such silliness :p I wrote that during lunch break, nerd? maybe. mad? yeah I think so too. *laughs* What is Joanne's darkest fear?

A letter to the Big Guy
Dear Mister,

Thank you for keeping me alive, despite my carelessness last Saturday. (: I was not killed, and was not scolded, only burnt a hole in my pocket, at least I still have the other pocket. I am really very grateful and I treasure life even more. Also, I promised to say a prayer for the safety of "the" postman on behalf of my friend. Please keep him safe (I think should be a he, but in any case is a she, please keep her safe) Thank you.
love, Joanne.
p.s. Thank you also for having me blessed with such wonderful loving family & friends.

Ruff Tuff the Giraffe & Funky Monkey I'm afraid this tale has to be waited at the moment. Joanne has no time for story telling or story writing. Perhaps in December.

Updates:
Joanne is panicking, got the CFA exam slip last Friday, and she is way behind study schedule. So sorry guys, she most probably has to forego entertainments & choir practices.
Joanne is going home next Wednesday night till the weekend, ((: is so looking forward to going home.
Joanne is cooking more often these days, save money.
Joanne feels bit weird about getting permanent resident status, don't know why. (damn, I don't always have to give a reason for feeling weird ok)
YES, Joanne is still bitchy, haha, and she's loving it, omg, serious retardedness.

On a serious note, I'm getting quite used to work, despite the fact that I still have trouble waking up every morning. After all I'm a piggy. Focus, study hard Joanne, the rest of the people who are studying too, yes, it's time to start mugging, it's November, soon, heck, November Rain is already here, don't you see it has started raining?

Joanne sends her love *HUGS! mwah*

funky monkey

has a good friend - ruff tuff giraffe ((:

I'm going to write a story about funky monkey & ruff tuff giraffe, someday, soon. Not today, not tomorrow, because the author's hand is dying (can't type well), the thinker head is spinning from coughing (can't concentrate on getting a good storyline).

Joanne is going crazy, seriously. because she's coughing her lungs out, and she will be out of breath soon. How can one breathe with their lungs outside?

Yes I know I have a sexy voice ((: don't be jealous. And, stop making fun of my "shut up"s It's not even funny. TSK!

My colleagues are funny people too, seriously, I think my job is not bad, just that the pay is really low but well, I have not much complaints at least for now. Money is everything but NOT everything. okay.. what am I talking? Haha... I'm crazy. (:

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying life being a kid, sometimes, with my fellow kid friend, ruff tuff the giraffe.

I should rest now... *cough cough* yes I will go and see a doctor tomorrow. Stop nagging.

love, Joanne piggy (:

rediscovering life (:

museums visit, today (: nice, I like it. free, fun, & full of insights haha, like yeah right...

Kurien gave me dunno how many Indian points today, for Jay walking *puzzled* I don't even know whether is that a good thing or bad.

I heard from a friend that a friend of a friend of mine is earning $15k per month as an engineer, in my mind I was like, "fuck!" Shit, I feel like quitting my job hahaha... why am I even working there with that meager pay and working like shit? I have no idea seriously. Anyway I was just kidding, I'll stay where I am and learn as much I can regarding marine industry (: and if opportunity comes, we'll see. I have accepted to the fact I don't have the luck to earn big bucks, so I will just be content with my pathetic sum I receive monthly.

My manager said I look bored at work *frowns*
My colleague said I look laid back *more frowns*

Oh great, like just the kind of feedback I'd need, am I jeopardizing my own career? I better not.

Happy blue birds ((: Joanne is so random... I know, but I don't know why.

And my friend asked me to switch company, higher pay, much better incentives for the same position *speechless* No, I can't, I think my boss will just kill me seriously. Haha.. bad idea.

is there nothing interesting in an adult's life? *wonders*

I enjoy walking around enjoying the greens, reading, writing, singing, baking, catching up with family & few close friends, walking by the beach, spend my day lazily reading a good book ((: such luxury. Sounds like a nice dream ((: indeed it is.

I feel like I'm a slave to the root of all evil $$$$$ Help!

Life is picking up at a quick pace for me... I need to find more time, to find satisfaction & enjoyment in my work.

At this point in life, I'm like rediscovering what life is all about... indeed it is different. Now that I am really IN the society, the REAL working society, if you get what I mean. Interesting, it is! No doubt about that, and Joanne still muses at the musings of humans!

Live life & laugh! ((:

Thanks, mum & friends *smiles* who never fail to make me laugh, laugh with me & at me *bleh*

love, Joanne.

children's day (:

Joanne is retarded, seriously. Like totally *roll eyes*

"Oh, I've got a missed call.. who would that be.."
"Someone who called you."
"No, someone who missed me called me." *smiles*
"Awesome, you're getting it back again."

I can't stop dreaming of the impossible & wanting to believe dreams are achievable.
"Why can't we do the things that we love and earn a living from it?"
"Like what?"
"Singing, reading, baking, joking etc."
"Singing is a one off thing, irregular."
"I can be a book reviewer."
"But you have to read boring books as well."
"Easy, just give a bad review, for all you know it'll be the best review ever!"

"I want to start my hearty tarts business."
"You'll get bored after everything is settled."
"Will I? Hmm..."

"There's still my BHS..." ((:

Oh and, Kurien & I missed the 96 bus because we were having our mini Children's Day celebration.

"Cockroach!"
"Look, the adults are too occupied with their worries, bills, awful week at work.. to notice the cockroach."
"But we did."
"which explains why we are here and not in the bus."

Seriously, Hollywood should hire us to do stand-up comedy I don't mind to start off at some suburb in Texas. Why Texas? No idea. Just random.

Alright, time to wake up. September has ended. And to all the children out there and to the grownups who are still kids, Happy Children's Day!

HUGS (:

Love, Joanne (always a kid at heart)

I don't know why

am all for Norah Jones again... don't ask me why. I don't know why (:

would love to write more but it requires too much thinking and brain processing. Life has not permit me to have the luxury of so much 'me' time, I've trade it off with the gods of money & work. I have lots to write, but everything is incoherent and disorganized. We'll wait and see, a day when Joanne is free to sit down, think & write in proper. Till then, take care people!

Joanne misses her family, her friends, and she loves them all muchly. HUGS.

The long day is over (: or is it? A long & busy week ahead... oh well :) I'll be just fine.

"Have A Nice Day"

is a happy song, don't know why suddenly am listening to Stereophonics haha.

Joanne is really busy & bitchy.

Don't ask why, I have no answer either. I shall update more when I have time... I just wish we can buy time. Haha.. ok I have to sleep my eyes are shutting. It was a long day but good ending (: woke up at 6am, went to work, left at 2pm, went for tuition, reached home at 4.50pm showered then left for crazy's medicine note. Classical night (: I enjoyed the performances, how I wish I can play the piano half like the pianist!

ok, I need to sleep. My brain is not working anymore. good night. Have a Nice Day! Waltzing Matilda! Nice songs!! :) Thanks. HUGS.

and I'm still grinning

(: *big smile*

It has been a pleasant day.

Joanne was the first to wake up in the house, went tuition. (:

I was glad I started my day early, did quite many things today... tuition, some housework, ironing, studying, movie (HAIRSPRAY, finally haha) and now am back, going to continue studying before going to bed.

Movie was AWESOME (: and I'm still grinning while listening to the songs.

Okay, study time! Work may not be entirely great, but it keeps me going which is good. Still living on my dream, waiting for the day where I can do the things I love and earn money from it, that would be PERFECT and patience is what I have.

Someday I'll find it, my rainbow connection~ and to my dear readers, I wish you all will find yours too (: love, Joanne

Busy bUsy & buSy

First thing first, Joanne is NOT emo ok (: Thank you very much to all of you! mwah!

Although tiring and busy, I try to meet up with friends still and catch up with their lives. Thanks mum everyone at home *LOVES piggy* the CBK darlings *HUGS* crazies, uncles, aunties, bimbos, & of course xmy! Oh and "Happy Birthday" to shushan & xiugui!

Ok, so, first week of work, first few days were boring, yeah, I had to seek refuge in toilet to steal some sleep haha.. oops. Bad. Today, work load is piling up, got few urgent projects... feeling the stress now and seriously I do not know where to find time to finish so many things. Well, I'll survive, somehow. It's just work and I'll just think of the monetary benefits I'll get by the end of the month :) Good enough motivation.

I just registered for CFA. That is like around $1800. I MUST pass my CFA level 1 in Dec 2007. That means after work, rest a bit, study! Haha... sounds exciting. I don't know how am I going to do it, but I just have to. The sum has already been paid, I HAVE to pass.

My tutee is still failing his English... how? Sad. He's like my buddy now, and I call him uncle Tan too sometimes. Haha, because he always complains tired & whine, like an old man. He's panicking now... I hope he can pass his exam, I'm doing whatever I can. sigh.

Choir is good and de-stressing. Now I know what's working life is like, it's tiring, seriously, it is. I'm always sleeping on public transport nowadays haha... just now I felt like heading back to sleep & skip choir but still, I went for choir. It feels good singing with the choir though we don't really sound fantastic but yeah, good de-stresser.

Just some updates.. probably write more in proper & more organized when I'm less tired. (:

my mum is the coolest (:

Seriously, she is. (: and damn funny too. Haha. Now I know where I got my lameness from. Oops.

I will try to keep my moods as stable as possible. And again, I am okay.

Funny how my mum asked about it... made me wonder. I've never really thought about it. Seriously, no one actually cares. Sometimes I just feel like I'm living alone. The job gives me the money. And yes, I'm happy about the money coming in. But in reality, life is actually more than just bringing in money right.

Mummy, I want a car too! Haha. And to my dearest mum, thanks for everything. I enjoyed the chat. (: always do. Cheered me up. *smiles* and I feel loved.

love, piggy~

p.s. wanted to go out today... but, did not. watched rented movie "The Queen" instead. Nice movie (:

I'm employed

just for the record.

Nothing much to say about it. Nothing glamorous or cool, not fantastic pay but point is, it pays. I need the money.

Happiness has worn out. Life's irony.

(:

somewhat happier entry

Life has not thrown me a pleasant surprise, yet.

Happier because I'm laughing more but I feel bad, laughing at other people. Omg seriously, how bitchy can you get Joanne? Yes I'm one hell of a bitch.

Ok, crap aside, I'm happy because I managed to catch up with people, studied a bit, talked to mum on MSN (yes I know, coolest mum I have, haha), being a little indifferent (yes I regard that as something to be happy about :p). I got interviews too. Not that I've gotten any jobs offer, but yes, good things come to those who wait. I seriously hope so, else Joanne is going to enter another phase of depression.

Please don't jinx my job applications, please. Thanks.

Despite the fact that I'm losing sleep because I'm losing the grip of life, I still try to keep my optimism high, I don't know what do I feed my optimism but yeah, I use happy songs & good reads, since I don't have money for happy food. Sometimes I get crazy and happy companies too and those are my life bonuses! (:

Life can be suffocating but yeah Joanne is surviving. Life is never all nice and beautiful, feeling stifled at times but still moving on just fine. So yeah, Joanne is ok (: all she has to do is just keep breathing.

Joanne is still working on the communication problem, she has no idea how, and sometimes she feels that she should just not give a damn. Maybe she shouldn't try so hard, life might be easier on her perhaps.

Oh I received a Teacher's Day present from my tutee haha. English is definitely not easy to teach, how does one teach vocabularies? Help me. And they even have Mark Twain's work as cloze passage now, I can't even comprehend the whole article at first read. I know I suck. I try my best to help him. Don't mention about words like kleptomaniac, biblioklept, stoic etc. appearing in questions, I have to do homework before going for classes, seriously.

Well, Joanne is still very much an idealistic. Although things have changed, she would very much hope things would always stay as good as before. But then again, everyone has moved on, so perhaps she should too.

Being indifferent is good. Seriously, Joanne, get a job & a life. Yes, I know. And I should really stop talking to myself. crazy Joanne. Apparently Joanne is not only crazy, she's retarded too according to crazy Amanda. Haha!

*am listening to Waltzing Matilda - cheer-up song (:*

Have a good day! HUGS.

just a short one

Dear readers,

Joanne is still alive and breathing. Nothing to update except that Joanne is still waiting for a turning point in life. She does not know when that's coming, but Joanne sees light at the end of the tunnel, well, god knows what's coming?

Pretentious is a skill Joanne must learn to be comfortable with, she hates that. If she could, she would just avoid. She only have little time to be herself these days, pretending to be someone else is the last thing she would want to do.

It doesn't make much difference whether day or night, Joanne is most of the time invisible. Nah, no more disappearing act, Joanne is not a street magician, if she were, she would have been making big money, busy appearing on TV and not stuck in a small room in a tiny island.

This is short. Until something new and cheery comes along, Joanne will not talk about her nonexistent life.

p.s. she needs all the love the world could spare.

Anyway thanks dear ones who always try to cheer Joanne up. She'll be doing just fine. (:

with love~

"I need a reason to stay here. I need a reason to get up in the morning, I need to wake up and not cared that it is raining or I'm 39 and alone. I need the job, Richard." Dr Montgomery.
"That's why; if you need the job to get a life, you either need a new job or a new life." Dr Webber.

Joanne needs a new job & a new life. (:

less morbid entry

Daffodils by William Wordsworth
I wander'd lonely as a cloud
that floats on high o'er vales and hills,
when all at once I saw a crowd,
a host, of golden daffodils

(last few lines)
for oft, when on my couch I lie
in vacant or in pensive mood,
they flash upon that inward eye
which is the bliss of solitude;

and then my heart with pleasure fills,
and dances with the daffodils.
***
So what? I don't know seriously. Just something less morbid. Daffodils - flowers, you see. :) haha, yeah right. I figured it out, the problem, I meant, it's not the job. It's more complicated than that.

Career, I know what I want. Yes, after weeks of thinking, finally. At least I got it sorted out.
Life, it's still a blur. Not something within my control seriously.

Sometimes it hurts a lot when I know I am just fading away from the life that I had had. Don't even know for sure am I still in it or not haha, but this is life, there's much more to say, so much more but... I disappeared. At a point, I was fighting, but then I thought, for a second, what's the point, and then I stop fighting. Seriously, it's pointless if you're just fighting alone, you get tired, unmotivated, and you'll just surrender when you've reached the limit.

Yeah, this is Joanne today :) oh by the way thanks for the loves & prayers. I love you all too.

overrated

I miss a lot of things
I hell do
Life is too short to be missed
Life is too short to be judged
Just live it
Enjoy
Life is short, and it sucks most of the time

I'm having conversations with myself in my head all the time
scary
lonely
If I have gone missing, who will notice my absence? Perhaps I'll just be a Jane Doe.

Talking is overrated
Silence is overrated

Whole world changes when someone you love dies or leaves, life will never be the same anymore and you will never be okay as before. But people move on, pretending to be ok.

Love is overrated.

When the worst case scenario comes true, clinging onto hope is all we got left.
It's exhausting.

Letting go seems impossible. What does it feel like to be at ground zero again?

NUS Choir shouldn't really be part of my life now, but I couldn't seem to get it out of my system. Told you the moving on part is obviously not working well with me.

Addictions kill.
Slow death.

Life is overrated. Seriously.

fear

to be lonely in a crowd. scary.

keep myself busy with endless jobs.

it's a tired life. not fantastic pay. but at least it gets my mind off from thinking the unthinkable.

I don't know why

I posted such a long entry... haha, since I've been writing might as well publish. Yes, perhaps I am emo :) so what. No internet for the time being yeah, that entry should keep you guys long enough for a week or so. :p

Goodbye.

super emo stuff for your entertainment haha

Intended blog entry 02082007 1553hr

Numbness is all I am. I have not a clue what to do of my career. I am being judged every day.

The whole world is looking at me, I am afraid of making mistakes. I give away one opportunity after another. People are certainly laughing behind my back I pretend not to notice and laugh it off when it happened to be in front of me.

Do I want to do sales? Yes, I do. But, there is always a ‘but’; I don’t want to be an irritating sales girl. Fuck. Life is definitely not easy.

Seriously, seriously, think about it, do you actually give a damn? Its all about the money isn’t it? Yes it is the money, and the time. The money and the time. And the love, the love which I never have, and I do not know whether will I ever.

I am in denial. How do I keep myself from drowning if denial is an ocean? Throw me a life jacket. Seriously.

I want the time of my life. I do not want to sell my time and soul to my career. It’s ridiculous. I want to do the things that I enjoy doing. I want to help people in the process. Altruism? Not quite. I’d say is selfishness. People help just to make themselves feel good about them selves. Speak about stupidity of human race.

Joanne is a lonely person. She is. Life is not a spectator sport; it’s more than just a game. It is not just about winning or losing. Sometimes when I win, I don’t feel happy. But I always try and feel sense of gratitude. I am thankful for who I am today, for making through another day of my life, but no, I am not joyous grateful. Gratitude and joy not necessarily come in hand.

I’m fine. I’m not sad. I’m far worse than feeling sad, in a way. I’m just jaded. Fighting the battle all by myself. People are there watching, they cheer, they support, they give words of encouragement, but seriously, you are all alone out there fighting the combat.

Sometimes, you feel like just giving the hell up. But you turn your head and see all the people up there at the audience seat, you just couldn’t do this to them. You just have to go on, until your last breath. You can’t call halt until the game is over. That’s the rule of life.

Face the harsh truth, you’re stuck in this whether you like it or not.

Yet another entry 03082007 1157hr

Seriously, I am all alone here. I don’t get any support that I need.

90% ppl at least discourage me joining insurance industry. Reasons being wasting my skills and education, losing friends & being disliked by most ppl. The truth is I'm scared.

“It’s up to you :) really" is the best reply anyone could give. And thanks, sincerely, at least you guys bother to listen :) *hugs*

I have no words to express my fear. It’s like going against everyone’s will. But then again, whose life am I living?

Taking up this career means more challenges ahead definitely, and it’s one hell of a challenge that is to change the mindset of the people. I ask myself truthfully, is it all about the money, no it is not. I want a career where I can learn, acquire skills which are applicable to life where I can help myself and others. Sounds bull shitting, maybe I am, maybe I am being a selfish bitch.

Am I prepared to face the cold shudders from people, friends even, perhaps being the talk over family dinner, being the topic of discussion, exhibit in the zoo, like I am some stupid swine. Spent a fortune on an NUS mechanical engineering degree and join the insurance industry. What the fuck is wrong with that?

Joanne, do you see yourself like that? If you are, I advice that you don’t take up this path. You are going to torture yourself.

Honestly?

Seriously, I never have once thought I’ve wasted my money, or education on my degree. It has given me more than just education, it’s the exposure, the experiences, the kind of education life I will never get back home. I’ve grown and changed so much in the past 4 years. Better or worse that I leave you to judge. However, the talks of the town do affect me, as much as I would like to say it doesn’t, it does, a little. I get discouraged when the whole world is against me, especially when I’m in times of trouble. I need to ensure I have a listening ear all the time. Just one. That’s all I’m asking for. A person who will always be there to listen, to give their honest truthful opinion, to show me the harsh truth when I’m blinded, to scold me when I’m being foolish, to comfort me when I’m sad, to share my happiness and joy, and in return, I will do the same.

I really want a career which I can find meaning in doing, where I can contribute something to myself, to others as well. I want financial freedom, I want time to do the things I love.

A friend brought up an issue worth for thought. Why would someone entrust his/her personal finances/wealth to a stranger who might have the intention to earn profit out of it? Good point. I wouldn’t want to disclose my finances to a stranger as well. It’s all about building trust and maintaining career professionalism.

So help me, help me find that courage. I do not know how all this will turn out. I am afraid. I’m all alone. I have this feeling, people are only there waiting to see me fail and fall and no one will be catching me from below.

Am I ready to make a drastic change? Another change.

Joanne really is tired but the journey is long. Rest stop isn’t really a rest stop if you are alone. I’m tired of thinking. I wish I knew the answer.

Haha *smiles* I still could not come to a conclusion. Seriously, I feel like I should just die now. End all this misery and shit.

I don’t have a career, I don’t have a life. What am I living for?

Sigh. To put it bluntly, I am not ok. I am not fine. Stop asking that so that I don’t have to tell a lie every time anyone asks. I am going nuts. Seriously.

Another intended entry 06082007 1307hr (Grey's elements inside haha)

Have you ever witnessed death? What it is like to see someone you love die?

Everyone lies. Everyone has secrets. There is always a line where we crossed and we wished we never did. We make corrections and we are on the other side of the line again. But, there have been changes. Things will never be the same again… even though we are on the safe side, on the other side of the line.

I do not know why birth and death always make me cry. I guess I am more complicated person than I ever thought I was. I cried, again. I’m glad I did. Crying does me good. Thanks to Grey's, again. :)

For the past week, I have been thinking a lot. I mean, really a lot. I am lonely here, bored, and I feel utterly stupid for crossing the line and not being able to cross back. Physically I am on the safe side, but really, I am at the opposite side.

Many a times I tell myself I will be ok. I am. I really do think I am. How can I not be ok?

Some things just can’t get off my head. People move on. I move on. Whether I like it or not, I have to. And stop getting myself caught in the web again.

I lied.

When life is actually much more fearful than death, we are ready to embrace death. I do not know which do I fear more, life or death?

I do think I am crazy. With such thoughts going through my head… how much weirder can I get?

p.s. I might just drop insurance in the end.
p.p.s. You know what, if only I have an avid group of readers. I’ll write. I will.

I'm amused!

"Have you got a boyfriend?"
"No."
"I don't believe you."
Do I have "I have a boyfriend" written all over my face? What's so hard to believe haha. Uncle refused to believe. Aunt wasn't really convinced either. I need to get rid of that look, whatever that look is. :p

By the way I got THE question today! "Have you found a job yet?" Got it several times, I predict to hear more of them later since am going to meet up with friends for dinner.

"Have you found a job yet?"
"No. still looking, went for few interviews."
"What interviews?"
"I went for a bank interview."
"Huh, why bank?" gave me the VERY surprised look. It's not that I don't want engineering job, but I wasn't called for interview, not my fault. *frowns* Banks are not that bad what, not that I'm working at the river banks. Stressful ya, what job is not?

Haha, I'm lazy to write down the whole conversation. It's pretty much the same. I could just have the conversation by myself.

By the way, I just baked a cake. :) happy.

This morning, ah ma pulled out her dialysis tube half way through the process, blood spurted out and dirtied the place and her all over. sigh. troubled the nurses there, again. Anyway, rushed down to hospital in the morning with aunt to send her clean clothes.

Got my new IC. "Kaunter Perkahwinan & Perceraian" [marriage & divorce counter] is at the same department too haha. It's funny and amusing to see couples coming in for registration. :p

Oh, I had durians & rambutans! very nice. :) Mum bought small shrimps too. Yummy!

So far holidays have been good. Not letting anyone or anything to ruin it. *smiles* Happy Holidays.

commencement

Commenced! The beginning of many beginnings.
Thank you mummy and daddy and bro :)
Thanks Joyce too I know you want to be here as well.
Thanks to my darlings!
Thanks xiugui for the lilies.
BIG HUGS with LOVE from piggy (yours truly)

I will definitely miss all the good times & bad times we had
As much as I am reluctant to move on
I am forced to get on with life
can't always be with you guys
but I have only one last request
grant my last request let me hold you
promise me that things will not get worse if not better

I wish you guys all the best in school, work, choir, everything.
you can always find me back where I left.
the friendships, bonds, love that we've established is priceless.
& they already occupy a special place in Joanne's heart.
Farewell! to a new beginning. cheers.

innocence can never last

I learned to listen more these days
keeping the chatter box down than usual

I love to sing
I want to dance

Attended Denise's wedding today. For once I was touched by our singing, the Claire Benediction, people are actually listening to every word we sang, you could tell from their faces how much it meant to most of them. I had goosebumps. Yes I did. :) May Denise and Zachery have a happy married life. *hugs*

Yes, realized I won't frequent school that much after Thailand. I could. I want to. But there is no reason for me to. I will definitely miss RVR.

Nothing's wrong with me. It's just me. I'm Joanne. I treasure things a lot especially if it is special. I would do the same to everyone whom I care for. I never seek anything in return and I understand I couldn't expect everyone to be like me. It's okay.

Innocence can never last. It's wearing out. I can sense that it's depleting from my body. Perhaps that explains the more frequents deep thoughts etc. Maturity brings the cruel world to peopleeyes... and sometimes I wish I haven't seen the other side of mankind. It's the silent battle between friends, brothers and sisters are the scariest.

Let me sleep and don't wake me up even when September ends, can you? I'm officially tired. I know many others are more tired than me even. Even if I'm dead tired... this journey has to be continued. Rest, so that you can walk that extra mile. :)

ain't easy

life, I meant.

I tried. I'm tired. It's still in a mess.

Couldn't care to talk more these days. Not to mention the ceased of BHS. May my 2nd nature rest in peace. looking forward to your return. I wonder when will that be... hmm.

Superficiality tires the fuck out of me. Life is full of superficial. I hate it.

I should avoid crowd, really. I'm not in the mood at all to entertain people and put up an act.

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."

--From As You Like It (II, vii, 139-143)


"Just be yourself", easy said than done. I guess it's human nature to create a good atmosphere around the people one is with. It's not about a huge pretense or conspiracy, it's the polite form of act to get life going, to make people feel good about themselves and others. Do you get what I mean? It's difficult to explain. Girls think too much, I know. Haha. :) Oh well, that's why I shall talk less these days. And if I'm just being quieter don't worry I'm perfectly fine. When circumstances or situations change, people change as well. And we can only hope that the changes are for the good if not better. :)

A long break home away from this city is what I need most. I'm so looking forward to the week break at home after Thailand.

*hugs* love.

alone in the middle of the night...

just finished Standard Chartered Application. Look at the time... such unearthly hour! Internet was down until almost 2am. fuck.

still a bit not so used to everything else. haven't uttered any BHS for days. I'm losing it, myself, I'm afraid.

Yes I am focusing on job hunting. Should resume job search again! After I get a job, I should start on bf hunt haha. one step at a time girl :) start earning money and start the dating game again.

HW is damn right, I really need a soccer therapy, will do me best. I know I am a perfectionist don't have to remind me so many damn times. explains what a loser I am.

It's 0341hr I should just go sleep... yes, I should. goodnight! *hugs*

it's THE END finally

Joanne is leaving, soon, for good, farewell to the life I am letting go... it's time to move on. :)

A little alcohol helps the sleep a little each night.

To my dear friends:

It has been an amazing time knowing all of you (darlings, brothers, sisters, friends etc.) really. Take good care & all the best in studies & other things in life that matter to you!

Love,
Joanne.

the alcohol is kickin' in. :) shall go to bed now and sweet dreams my dear ones! *hugs*

youtube

Connie Talbot & Travis and Heidi are my daily doses of youtube entertainment. :)

Joanne can't help but smile every time she sees Connie and hears her voice. Travis and Heidi's dance is simply remarkable.

At a cross road...

waiting for god-knows-what... has no idea but still waiting, patience is running low though.
mood is ... *blank* not happy nor sad nor mad just hollow, empty.
needs soccer therapy, a real holiday, and a good book to read. A good company will be a bonus! :)
***
I realized I have been behaving rather indifferent lately, sorry about that. can't help it. life sucks and am tired with everything.
me: dude, where the fuck is my holiday?!?
dude: oh, your holiday is on vacation.
*laughs* mad.
now now... don't give me that look :) *hugs* love you all!

The F Word

word of the day: the F word

stupidity

1. I am awe at the extent of stupidity one can get.

2. What I once thought were important no longer are now... this only mean one thing. Joanne is getting old. :)

insignificant

While millions of people are striving hard for survival, somewhere out there some people are worried about insignificant things, worried about their past (which cannot be undone or changed), getting worked up for some ridiculous reasons. and in one corner of a tiny sunny island, Joanne is trying to sort out her life, getting a job, get out from stupid mess, gear up & move on with life. It has been a great 4 university years, especially the final year of her uni life.

Joanne should apologized for being violent, vulgar & defensive these days, though sometimes you guys deserved it. Haha... come to think of it, perhaps she should just be this way and continue to be outspoken and behaves however she likes. carefree. :p

Anyway, Kur, I know you are reading this... haha, yes I am haha-ing you. Thanks for transforming me into whoever I am now *hugs* what will I be without you? That's enough, else your head going to grow bigger.

1 July is the date to move out from RVR. Til then, have all the fun, before Joanne bids goodbye... and this is a song from MCR to all.

Love, Joanne. :)

Hello everyone

Joanne is still coughing like mad girl, until her stomach's muscles ache. Huixian said can tone the abs *frowns* Joanne thinks that she'd rather do crunches. She is considering relocating her blog, it's dumb to maintain this blog now.

Work is boring. John Tucker is lame. Earning money is not easy. And no, Joanne is not going to write an emo entry, at least not now. Our PM is remarrying, how lost touch am I with the Malaysian news!

Secrets are well kept. buried forever. Fantasies don't come true. Get a real life. Joanne feels like running away again, she secretly hopes that she gets a job overseas & start a new life where no one knows her. It can be done, Joanne is independent. Oh yeah, Joanne submitted UBS graduate training program application yesterday *fingers crossed*

Joanne did something stupid, again. please stop repeating the story. :) thanks

Tell me

Nowadays I can't even blog properly by having to think that at some point in time, some idiots are going to read my entry aloud at my presence. stupid guys! :p

Tell me how am I going to write anything these days... probably to document more BHS.

Anyway, Joanne needs money, tell her how to make money the fastest legal way and she's in dire need in securing a permanent job with decent pay. She has to move out from RVR in a months time and she's going to miss this place a lot, where she'd stayed for 3 years.

Life sucks. But still life has to go on whether you like it or not.

just for fun :)

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

the end of Jessica

Heroes season 1 finale, Niki came back with Jessica's powers and marked the end of Jessica. Yeah, not going to say any more Joanne-Niaoer stuff here haha... you guys can make up your own stories. :)

To those who like to read out blogs aloud: morons.

No more mind games.

Last night was the ultimate bitchiness of me. Sorry. Joanne is not that kind and good person as everyone sees after all. So now you know.

Yesterday was 45 min late for choir. shit. sorry.

Joanne is going to teach P6 English tuition til PSLE realised it's only less than 3 months assignment, need to help a failing kid to pass English. I hope I can do it. $200 per month. first $100 goes to the agent. Haha. not much left. Oh well, it's ok, it's the experience that counts. Thanks SP for the tuition contact :)

Thanks Meiyen for the dinner treat last night. Great to meet up with her again. I miss the good old school days.

Uni life is ending. Mummy said, "This is life, move on." Thanks. *hugs* That's it, move on Joanne. Don't do anymore stupid shit.

Yes Joseph, Joanne shall try not to be so vulgar, and yes, is going to miss the 3 hot guys she's been hanging out with in RVR. *hugs* They call themselves the coolest sometimes, haha, make up your mind darlings, can either be hot or cool but not both.

"...Some like it hot

Some like it cold

Some like it in the pot

nine days old"

Haha.. it just came to my mind instantly, and it's your cue to laugh or roll eyes or whatever or show your "L" sign. Joanne doesn't care. :p

The Red Devils has cancelled their Asia Tour to M'sia. *sads* sighs.

Suddenly running out of ideas what to blog... oh ya I remembered what I said last night, "people do not appreciate all the shit you've done, but will condemn & magnify the smallest error you did." Life sucks. Solution: don't give a damn. Haha... remembered a good friend once told me this in high school, he's damn cool & really don't care a shit what you think or say. If only I could be like him. Those were the days... :)

One last thing, stop burdening yourself with others' problems. Just mind your own business.

No this is not the new Joanne. It has always been her around with different selves haha. nutcase.

Joanne is back

from where ever she has gone to :p

Anyway, I couldn't graduate with 2nd lower hon after all, as expected. :( oh well... can't complain, blame my stupid head.

I miss my BHS, and I know no one does *sad* my BHS will die soon, fewer and fewer people actually get the BHS-ness. Haha. Oh heck, I will entertain myself.

These few days triggered memories of him. I can't help but miss the grandpa that used to be here with us. Life moves on. Cherish before everything perishes.

Hong Kong trip was good. Ate a lot, did some shopping, sight-seeing the usual touristy stuff. Oh ya we went to watch Sammi Cheng's concert live! It was really awesome! I'd have gone wild if am in the crazy crowd haha. Anyway, weather wasn't good, kept raining until the last 2 days. Thank goodness at least we had 2 good sunny days but both days were freaking hot! I can almost feel my hotness coming out haha.. ok, this is not funny I agree. :p *bleh* am just bored. I cracked my first and ever Cantonese BHS! OMG I actually feel proud of myself! hahaha if I'm not crazy I dunno what do you call this. I'm going to miss the durian dessert!

Intensive job search must begin now. I don't want to be one of the 3% who are unemployed. Please please let me secure a job by July before commencement. *fingers crossed*

I still hate the superficiality of people. Bah, sometimes I am like that too and I hate it. I wish I could just be myself and not to please anyone. "Learn to say "NO" for heaven's sake!"

People don't think of you as you think so much for them so just look after your own ass! But it's so hard to practice, no?

Oops, getting bit pessimistic here... thoughts running wild, again. Alright time to stop. Last few updates, I missed both FA Cup and UEFA Champs League finals. *sads* My doses of happiness just gone like that. Even sadder Man U lost, f***! sighs. AC Milan won though, good for them! I'm not exactly ecstatic or what.. oh well, at least Liverpool didn't get the cup haha. I know, no logic. Life doesn't operate in logics. Life is unpredictable.

Came back, unpacked, clean the room, swept & mopped the floor *smiles* changed to clean sheets. Feels so good. Oh and yes, I got water. :) And, Joanne is doing laundry, she has to go and check her laundry now, take care peeps. *loves*

Blogging from the office

Oops, haha... shouldn't be but who cares anyway, heck! Been youtubing in office as well and some job search but not very productive sighs...

Went home last weekend finally ever since when, CNY? Yeah. Ratu Nad came home with me too. :) haha... hope you enjoyed the trip, kampong not as fun as city? :p or at least some people from city claim so. Whatever. Haha. I don't care.

The business with BHS and lameness are getting out of control now. Great. I get the look all the time now whenever BEFORE I say it haha awesome, you guys can see it all coming already! *bleh* You all will miss it! definitely, I will too. Life sucks man.

Red Devils is the EPL champ. yay! :) Next: FA Cup!

AC Milan, I hope you win UEFA Champs League. Not Liverpool. Sorry Liverpool fans haha.

Weird dreams coming on and off again. Damn. Get out from my head. When I thought I can let go everything behind and move on, there's this tiny string that tries to hold me back. Oh well... Joanne will do just fine. No emo shit. Stop listening to emo songs, don't read emo books, don't watch emo shows. Avoid those shit. *grins*
Oh ya, got tagged by Ratu Nad. Supposed to write some 6 weird things about myself haha... I dunno which are the top 6 but I'll try.

1. People actually do call me weird. BHS & my infamous lame jokes. Haha. Get me a cute orthopaedic to fix my leg yah? thanks.

2. I talk to myself. Yes, I do. I used to talk to myself out loud but not anymore cos I realised it can be very worrying to others hahaha... if I do I'll make sure no one hears me. :)

3. There's a problem with me & trust. We never get along well, and I could never establish trust with myself nor with anyone. That explains why I could never work out any relationship. alright, let's not dig up history.

4. I like / don't like things for ridiculous reasons. eg. I don't eat brinjal because it's purple. I don't eat dates because it looks like cockroach. I like number 4, 13 & 44 because most people don't. I like to have pattern of sequence in most things I do. (haha ok there are many more but can't list out, it's queer enough)

5. I don't like to do something to my hair. haha. I seldom am satisfied with any hairdresser. and I don't believe in spending fortune on hair. rebonding? NO. perm? NO. color? NO. haha.

6. I sleep talk. :)

There you go the weird stuff about me. There are more... haha. I'm weird what. :p

Ok, I should go now. the couple hasn't come back from job search though. but the office is super cold! It's a messy entry.

Joanne, read my lips. GO!

okok... leaving right now. *wink*

sad... I lost my heart

ok, now i've got ur attention haha. sorry I'm damn bored not that I have nothing to do, but.. oh well, just a few minutes of crapping.

Dunno what's gotten into my head lately, thoughts kept drifting away, concentration level is critically low! For example, last night I was making notes for my presentation:

Results & Discussion:
1. Degree of sericin removal
2. Pore Coverage
3. Pay bill (wtf?!?!)
(Pattaya... and at this point I realized I'm writing nonsense! *faint*)

Haha.. and so I went to freshen myself a bit and continue...

3. Mechanical testing:
a) 1 yarn degummed silk
b) 14 days silk
c) same as Iris (haha.. the moment I saw what I wrote I couldn't help but laugh at my stupidity, that's it, I've gotta stop doing whatever am doing!)

By that time it's soccer hour, AC Milan vs Man Utd, sopcast was lagging (thanks to Tina anyway, haha.. another alternative to watch live sports), TVants was also lagging a bit and yes, about 4 minutes delayed. LOUSY. Anyway, point is, the match was depressing, Man Utd got trashed 0-3 sad... the streaming wasn't good, the match wasn't promising... I just decided not to watch but the tv was on nonetheless... woke up at every cheer but disappointingly not the cheers of Red Devils. Yes, Kevin, haha.. we'll try again next year.

Oh ya, Heroes ep. 20. There is no more Jessica and Niki. Sad. What about Joanne and Niaoer? Haha.. ok, Kurien, I can see that coming. I've got a feeling the story won't end... it's like going in circles. literally.

Life sucks. Presentation is tomorrow and am freaking nervous... having anxiety to not screw things up. OK, I'm running low on things to say I have the feeling the more crappy stuff is going to be released soon if I don't stop right now. Haha.

And yes I have lost my heart. That explains why I have no concentration. Anyway tell me when you see it, it's red & kind looking. haha. I know I'm crazy.

Ok. Bye peeps. *yawn* boring right... go sleep.

Laughs of the week

need to spice up my blog a bit! :)

Scene 1. On the way to have lunch in Macs.
Aaron: Hey, you guys wait for me k, I go pee first, very fast.
me: Can… you go ‘P’ we go ‘Q’ k
Haha… instant laughter, luckily Aaron didn't hear it. Kurien gave me the stare and rolled eyes.
me: OMG, I just did it again… haha. Please don't tell what I just did..
Kurien: Hahahaha..
And yes, being the usual Kurien, he told everyone we met. :p

Scene 2. After shower
Huixian: Hey, your slippers are very slippery.
Aaron & I instantly exchanged looks... I kept quiet.
Aaron: Say it, I know you are going to say it...
me (trying not to laugh): No, I'm not going to say it. You knew what I was going to say... you are as lame. You say!
Aaron: Haha no, I don't. Say it, I can feel it's coming...
me: No, I'm not going to say.
Huixian: What...
me: Nothing. Some lame thing again.
Haha.. yay, I won! I didn't say it.

Don't I have better things to do? Haha... actually there were more funny moments during the whole weekend, but I forgot, see I don't always remember what I said, I'm trying to control it already ok? :p Kur, why not you document them haha... we could make a career out of it and be famous.

conspiracy

It's like a big scam of conspiracy

Superficiality is getting more common

Blurred line of honesty & lie

Can we just shut our eyes & ears?

Ignoring won't make things disappear

Too many people too many opinions

Clashes of idealogies & priorities

No shared vision

All is just in a fucked up mess

Every word said has more than one meaning

Each sentence entails more than it contains

Even a smile tells more than one sees

Simplicity is out of the league

Web of complexities weaving in

Walls of defenses building up

There isn't honesty

sincerity nor trustworthy

People are very cautious

People don't speak out like they used to

Wariness has increased

We can't help but miss the people we all once knew

Everything has changed

All that is left is fragments of memories

well kept in the old chest

Suddenly I just wanna go home

a sanctuary safe & warm :)

Oh no, haha, please don't say it's another emo entry, oh well, who cares, I like.. :p I'ts not emo, it's facts of life. Ya right.. haha. Well, I don't have to justify myself, no matter how sucky life is, no doubt there are still good things in life too. Why bother, life is too short to get upset about stupid stuff like this anyway.

falling rain

it's raining
I'm stuck in my room
waiting for the rain to stop
rain makes me feel like raining too
and I hate this feeling
it sucks
eats and gets into me
don't care if the world ignores me
as long as Joanne doesn't
niao-er is more than happy
mister rain, can you please stop now
so that I could get away
and fly out of this room
it's going to be a cold day
really cold day...
even people seem cold
why of all days on a rainy day?

I could use a warm hug
warm tea
warm smile
warm woolen jacket
warm company
right now

I don't see it coming
not now
'cos it's raining
not too heavily
but enough to get you wet & drenched
and miserable

oh well, stop whining and get moving!
*smiles*

Niki vs Jessica : Niao-er vs Joanne

Niao-er sees the resemblance. But she is not a damn Hero like Niki is. Yes, she knows. Girl, stop dreaming. Gosh, she got too much TV influence. :p

Confusion builds up in her from time to time
It's like the battle of two in the body of one
When one predominates the other
one takes control of her actions and destiny
She gets scared at times too
of what the other is capable of doing
Sometimes, she couldn't help but wonder
she does not know the person she used to know anymore
and she is supposed to be the one she grew up with
has she gone mad, again?
But even Jessica has a kind heart deep down
Perhaps Niao-er should begin to believe that
somewhere deep inside there's a kind soul to be discovered :)

p.s.: No, people, I don't have a dead twin sister.
p.p.s.: go watch Heroes episode 19 0.07% *smiles*

disappointed

disappointed with myself

sigh... move on

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than the ones that you did." Mark Twain

I did all I could

requiem of a dream

"There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit and sense." Elizabeth Bennet (Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen)

There are days when I can just be so skeptical about everything; and every single event around just seem to be conspiring against me. There is no trust. There is no real connection. Sounds scary. As if everything just withers... like the falling leaves. Everything just becomes foreign, as if being thrown into the unknown, behind the guise of facade, therein lies a lost bird singing the requiem of a dream.

Anyway I have something to share, was you-tubing out of boredom and found this requiem, beautiful composition I think : ) so much emotions in the music. amazing.

requiem of a dream

I do not know why the sudden weird entry :p perhaps too much of studying + coffee + weird concoction + insanity + not enough sleep...

To everyone: GOOD LUCK & ALL THE BEST in exams! :) Take care, get enough rest and don't get OD on coffee or any other form of caffeine or alcohol!

thanks darlings

The title sounds cheesy enough. I shall keep the content short and sweet. *smiles*

Joanne turned 24 years old a week ago, she wants to send her heartfelt thanks to all her darlings (family and friends) for all the well wishes, hugs, kisses, surprise visits cum parties, dinners, cards, emails, sms(es), calls, presents, cakes, chocolates and balloon. Yes, it's her best birthday ever in the NUS.

It's late and Joanne is tired. Probably will update another day.

with love,
rosy piggy :)

best match ever! : )

photo from: www.manutd.com

I knew it. Haha... I'm overjoyed. Anyone would enjoy the match, 8 goals in total!! and it's not cheapo clubs playing! Man Utd won 7-1 to Roma! Woohoo! Soccer is my first love : ) The Red Devils were simply awesome, amazing! Michael Carrick and Christiano Ronaldo both scored double, other 3 goals were by Alan Smith, Wayne Rooney and defender Patrice Evra.

photo from: www.soccernet.com

TVants' streaming was exceptionally good today *smiles* although the match is still few mins late not really live. Lyndley was IM-ing me Ronaldo's 2nd goal and I was still celebrating his first. Stupid girl... Urgh! nevertheless it still feels great to catch up with soccer once again!

Good start for a good day I hope haha.. I still have Jap oral test later in the evening and I'm still so slack. Something is seriously wrong with me! Alright time to sleep now :)

Red Devils Rules! *wink*

tribute to Liverpool

Last weekend's EPL match. I am not a fan of Liverpool! But I must give credits to the Reds for trashing the Gunners 4-1 wahaha! I know this post came a little too late. But whatever, don't think anyone who reads my blog watch soccer anyway :p Watch out for Peter Crouch of Reds and Red Devils' Paul Scholes

Thanks to Ferdinand's stupid own goal against Portsmouth yesterday, Chelsea is 3 points behind Man Utd now. Really hope they can win the title this season, been a little too long since they last lifted the cup.

Yeah, want to catch up with soccer again, essence of life. *smiles*

Now that everything is going to end soon, it's time to catch up with soccer, readings, writings, traveling, and of course old friends!

cheers : )

people change

people change : ) nice song. thanks to crazy mich dear.

People change everyday, every thing changes all the time.
The only thing that is constant is change itself.
Speak about ironies of life!

There have been lots of changes lately, I do not know whether it is more of change of heart or change of mind. *smiles* Either, it doesn't matter. Maybe it's both.

Silence does not mean ignorant, just chose not to voice out. No point saying when change is beyond limits. There is too much pride. Silence is my best defense. What we once used to talk & joke about never could be discussed over now. We don't share views like we used to. Suddenly I miss the people I used to know. But people change, I have changed too. Perhaps the change is for the better.

If change is for the whole good, change isn't that bad after all : ) starting with the man in the mirror let's make a change.

A doesn't make much sense entry haha.. so fragmented. written in the midst of chatting over msn talking crap... bah...

musings of life

there are moments when we say yes when we actually mean no, and say no when in fact the answer is yes. But why? to please the other party, to be politically correct, to do yourself a favor? Often times we say or do things not entirely to benefit ourselves, do we? I often have the problem of giving rejections. pretentious is my special skill. If I were to name one, that would be it, a pretender, and a hell of a good one. really.

musings of life... when people are afraid they just avoid. why not confront? to avoid massacre? or war? Perhaps I should thank the education system for molding us to be such submissive people. When all feelings and frustrations all bottled up inside waiting to be erupt things can turn very ugly. But that is really not their main concern do they? they always have people standby to clean up the mess.

ever really give a thought of yourself?

what are you to contribute in life? are you here to make a difference, regardless big or small, live a mark and give your stand. or are you just here to live cos you are stuck in the stream of life, going with the flow. or are you like the birds and the bees to help procreation of the flowers and nature, to make the world a more vibrant place. or are you like the pest to destroy the crops of life just to breathe a living. or are you just a scholar to contribute to the academics of life. or.. the list goes on and on.

Am mastering the skill of ignoring, it is the best weapon or self defense skill anyone could attain.

with regards to my equation.. I'm an engineering student, hence the mathematics equation. 1 is an entity regardless of size or whatever. no value assigned, just 1, it's a unity. *smiles*

rainy-sunday-morning post

It’s raining, and I hate rain. It keeps all the good things out of reach, as if the whole world is weeping for you. And when one cries, nobody will take notice, how can one differentiate raindrops and tear drops in the rain anyway?

No, I’m not sad. I’m not happy either. I’m just in the rainy mood.

Woke up this morning and the first thought that came to me wasn’t something pleasant. Yes, I’m blaming the rain. Damn. Sorry.

Eccentricity will drown me one day. I should stop behaving mad.

Dreams are coming back to me again. I do not enjoy any of them. I wish the Haitian does exist in real life, or perhaps a more practical thing to wish for is a dreamcatcher.

There is no Haitian dear, and dreamcatcher is only a fable.

Amazed at my independence… but I’m not proud of it. Haha, it’s tiring, and it can be intimidating at times. I reach a certain extent where I do not know where am I heading anymore, why am I always so headstrong? Second best is not acceptable; mediocre is definitely out of the league.

Don’t get too hard on yourself my dear.

Maybe I am being too demanding. I have to admit that.

Oh by the way I have an interesting philosophy: *wink* which kind of relationship is ideal for you?

A) 1+1=2
In a relationship where there are 2 individuals, with different beliefs, ideologies; most of the time there are contrast in thoughts but somehow they just manage to get along just fine.

B) 0.5+0.5=1
“You complete me”-kind of relationship. A relationship where 2 individuals complement each other, make up for each other's strengths and weaknesses; 2 half circles become 1 full circle analogy.

C) 1+1=1
2 different individuals get together, and become one. Mathematically it doesn’t exist, in reality, it does. It’s rare though.

My ideal relationship is option C) haha. It’s so me… always go for the impossible and put myself in a fix. 2 very different people, despite the differences, they still put up with each other with due respect. As I have told Yen, and Queen… I want someone who can argue and challenge my outrageousness, but making up to each others’ mistakes by the end of the day. Haha okay, I’m not writing here it’s getting really weird already. My point is I’m just being difficult with myself. In case you are wondering what this paranoid girl is babbling haha, don’t waste your grey matter on this silly philosophy of mine. It just came to me, must be the rain.

And I realized the rain has stopped. No wonder my mood is getting cheerier. Haha, lesson learned for the day is don’t meet me on rainy days : ) unless you want to see the storm.

So, piggy is back to her normal self again, only after 2 hours she woke up from her first 8 hours of sleep in a month. Let’s get work starting now. *smiles*

To whom it may concern: Thank you for everything *hugs*. You had me realized what I want for myself and that is the best gift ever. Nothing is certain but you have my word I’ll try to keep whatever we have reached so far.

Love, (^@^)