Thus, the spare time to blog.
Life is just living by day to day nowadays. Planning for vacation is my new hobby. I'm going to Cambodia on 19 Feb 2009 - 23 Feb 2009, which means I'll be missing the coming VV'09. Sorry peeps, Joanne only found out like last weekend about this. And the flight has been booked earlier.
Working is like... let's not even get that started.
Jo is happy that she is going home to see everyone this weekend (: too bad Joyce won't be back.
She still has the urge to flee every now and then, wonder how long can she stay grounded in life. Anyways, life is really too short to fret and worry.
Love life, live life, enjoy life. (:
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Sunday, November 02, 2008
...
nothing much really.
how do one fills in the blanks in life? so many yet so little and so insignificant. if you scrutinize properly it seems like everything is just so trivial.
2 months of absence. I've no idea what to write after so long... give Joanne some time to pick it back up.
love, piggy (:
p.s. I miss you Joyce.
how do one fills in the blanks in life? so many yet so little and so insignificant. if you scrutinize properly it seems like everything is just so trivial.
2 months of absence. I've no idea what to write after so long... give Joanne some time to pick it back up.
love, piggy (:
p.s. I miss you Joyce.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
chicken soup for the soul
A warm bowl of chicken soup is exactly what I needed (:
The heart is unsettled recently, probably of the recent happenings that confuse my thoughts. Health has not been in bright pink, I wonder when did blue take over. Stomach and the chest ain't in really good terms with each other in the recent weeks. Sometimes I deploy Charcoal to make peace between the 2, it doesn't work all the time, but most of the time, it does. Increasing external stress is not helping either, like adding wood into the fire. So stop it please!
Doesn't make sense? It's alright. This is Joanne's talk.
Have been craving for a warm bowl of soup for the past few days, but never got one until today, I decided to head down to the mart to buy the soup's ingredient and made myself a pot of hot chicken soup. (: And lovely it was...
p.s.: Thank you for the company & the pair of warm hands last night.
p.p.s.: I'm leaving for Redang for a whole week.
(: love, piggy.
The heart is unsettled recently, probably of the recent happenings that confuse my thoughts. Health has not been in bright pink, I wonder when did blue take over. Stomach and the chest ain't in really good terms with each other in the recent weeks. Sometimes I deploy Charcoal to make peace between the 2, it doesn't work all the time, but most of the time, it does. Increasing external stress is not helping either, like adding wood into the fire. So stop it please!
Doesn't make sense? It's alright. This is Joanne's talk.
Have been craving for a warm bowl of soup for the past few days, but never got one until today, I decided to head down to the mart to buy the soup's ingredient and made myself a pot of hot chicken soup. (: And lovely it was...
p.s.: Thank you for the company & the pair of warm hands last night.
p.p.s.: I'm leaving for Redang for a whole week.
(: love, piggy.
Monday, August 25, 2008
I didn't realize
how much I missed the life I have left behind... it was lovely indeed seeing my cousins and family gathered together. Although not all of them are home, but it was nice to see people that you once spent your time playing, fighting and doing all things with.. are together again once more (: [25-08-2008 2317hr]
how much I have changed within the past 12 months...
that I'm capable of doing the things that I never thought I would ever have the courage nor the ability to accomplish...
things can get so stifling.. to be pushed to the brink is not exactly the best scenery one could imagine it'd be... free falling not knowing what's under can be rather scary
one day I would, too, be afraid.
Recognition of fear needs much bravery... and to concede defeat needs much humbleness.
everyone is just pretty much like everyone else. [31-08-2008 0124hr - P.S. MERDEKA] (:
how much I have changed within the past 12 months...
that I'm capable of doing the things that I never thought I would ever have the courage nor the ability to accomplish...
things can get so stifling.. to be pushed to the brink is not exactly the best scenery one could imagine it'd be... free falling not knowing what's under can be rather scary
one day I would, too, be afraid.
Recognition of fear needs much bravery... and to concede defeat needs much humbleness.
everyone is just pretty much like everyone else. [31-08-2008 0124hr - P.S. MERDEKA] (:
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
procrastination kills
and so that's why she's dying... so help me please.
You know how people say about not giving up and doing your best and the good one will come along? People do believe, and they do want to believe, but there comes a point where all things point to the other side of everything.
Some say humans by nature are evil, some say are kind... so what about the first sin of mankind, Adam & Eve. And so what I'd say? Honestly I don't give a shit about Adam or Eve or anyone else eons ago for that matter. I mean... seriously? Seriously.
Me? I'm exceptional, some dumb kid who is trapped in her own illusion that all things are still nice and beautiful no matter how wrecked they looked. LOL. Oh my goodness, I'm retarded am I not? Anyway, I beg to differ what my friends said today... I believe humans are kind by nature, people turn to the dark side for survival, people are succumbed by pride, power etc. I don't know. Perhaps I'm wrong, or there won't be any right or wrong for that matter.
Familiarity breeds contempt is not untrue, but is not what I live for to believe.
Work is just work. Life is a whole big picture by itself. And work is merely a small section in the entire life.
I have no idea what am I babbling here... better go off to bed.
How do you love a person again? How do you know he or she is not the last person you'd fall in love with?
No, I'm not in love, it's just random. I've been speaking nonsensical lately. Ask me a question I'll give you numbers, and when you strike any lottery ticket, let's do a 30:70 split. (:
Joanne, seriously, go, just go, sleep. (: Good night life.
love, piggy (:
p.s. stop procrastinating. JUST F***ING DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.
You know how people say about not giving up and doing your best and the good one will come along? People do believe, and they do want to believe, but there comes a point where all things point to the other side of everything.
Some say humans by nature are evil, some say are kind... so what about the first sin of mankind, Adam & Eve. And so what I'd say? Honestly I don't give a shit about Adam or Eve or anyone else eons ago for that matter. I mean... seriously? Seriously.
Me? I'm exceptional, some dumb kid who is trapped in her own illusion that all things are still nice and beautiful no matter how wrecked they looked. LOL. Oh my goodness, I'm retarded am I not? Anyway, I beg to differ what my friends said today... I believe humans are kind by nature, people turn to the dark side for survival, people are succumbed by pride, power etc. I don't know. Perhaps I'm wrong, or there won't be any right or wrong for that matter.
Familiarity breeds contempt is not untrue, but is not what I live for to believe.
Work is just work. Life is a whole big picture by itself. And work is merely a small section in the entire life.
I have no idea what am I babbling here... better go off to bed.
How do you love a person again? How do you know he or she is not the last person you'd fall in love with?
No, I'm not in love, it's just random. I've been speaking nonsensical lately. Ask me a question I'll give you numbers, and when you strike any lottery ticket, let's do a 30:70 split. (:
Joanne, seriously, go, just go, sleep. (: Good night life.
love, piggy (:
p.s. stop procrastinating. JUST F***ING DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Impasse
Like a fallen star in the darkest night
There won’t be happily ever after when there never was a once upon a time…
And so she lived by her own till the end of life. The end
She can’t do this anymore. It requires more strength than one has ever imagined. As time catches up, the strength to withstand such testimonies falter. Perhaps she should stop loving and giving… the repeating cycle is giving her much pain than she thought she could endure.
She just couldn't stop, her feet keeps running till the end of time, in hope, still have the courage to believe in what she has been adhering to all these times.
[signed 29 July 2008]
***
Today...
I'm upset, for the things that I did not do and the things that I did.
I'm upset, listening to the things that I do not wished to hear.
I'm upset, to be called dumb & to be doubted of my capability & ability.
On top of it all, I'm upset to be in this alone, by myself.
SIGHS... oh well, I can handle this, it's just a trivial obstacle in life, I can do it. Honestly, I think running a 10km marathon is much easier than this, perhaps conquering the mt. Kinabalu would be easier too. Anyways, my one-week Redang trip is coming soon... yes, I will be going by bus, again. Wish me the best (: life is not too bad oh well at least I can still rationalize things for myself. Until the day I crack, someone please find me a lovely crazy cell-mate.
with love, piggy
Monday, August 04, 2008
SHAPE RUN 2008
Not very glamorous shots or whatsoever, but yeah this is the piggy running her 10km run (: which she managed to finish in her own record time 1hr20mins.
Yes she knows she's fat. SHUT UP. :P bleah haha.
Yes she knows she's fat. SHUT UP. :P bleah haha.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
and she did it (:
This piggy ran 10km in approx 1 hr 20mins (: non-stop. It's in the record of piggy's achievements to date.
HAPPY (: She's happy, really. and she got to thank SinHui for talking her into running 10km instead of 5km, for believing in her.
met Gina in the Padang too, one of my running buddies when I was still in NUS. Thanks to her too, for being my running partner despite being the slow one all the time.
Quite few decisions have to be made soon but I think I can handle it. (: should I do it now or next year? plans have to be made.. lest direction has to be set. About time to book and plan for mount climbing trip as well (:
Perhaps she'd go for the next Great Eastern All Women run in Oct.
Indeed life has been happier, less miserable, or rather, more fulfilled with busy schedules.
Yes life sucks, but it's just the matter of how you look at it. I miss home, and there's one thing that I still cling onto hope for, which is to go home happily to where I live. Don't think that's going to happen soon, not in the next 9 months. I'm looking forward to a good change that's it.
p.s. The Dark Knight is AWESOME (: it's a MUST watch.
HAPPY (: She's happy, really. and she got to thank SinHui for talking her into running 10km instead of 5km, for believing in her.
met Gina in the Padang too, one of my running buddies when I was still in NUS. Thanks to her too, for being my running partner despite being the slow one all the time.
Quite few decisions have to be made soon but I think I can handle it. (: should I do it now or next year? plans have to be made.. lest direction has to be set. About time to book and plan for mount climbing trip as well (:
Perhaps she'd go for the next Great Eastern All Women run in Oct.
Indeed life has been happier, less miserable, or rather, more fulfilled with busy schedules.
Yes life sucks, but it's just the matter of how you look at it. I miss home, and there's one thing that I still cling onto hope for, which is to go home happily to where I live. Don't think that's going to happen soon, not in the next 9 months. I'm looking forward to a good change that's it.
p.s. The Dark Knight is AWESOME (: it's a MUST watch.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
reading people
is harder than I thought.
Running 10km would be much easier than reading people.
The conversation got me thinking a lot about myself, again. He has offered many windows of opportunity at that moment, as time passes, the windows are closing. But then again, no one really knows what's outside the window, bed of roses or bed of daffodils? I decided I shouldn't make hasty decision back there, I listened attentively and remember and learn.
Joanne couldn't. As much as she thinks she wants to, she doesn't think she could. She would miss the people, definitely, but she couldn't stay there. She has to move on. She feels stagnant already only in less than a year. It isn't a good sign. She will work on it (: she promised herself to. She has her plans and gradually realizing it.. but it is saddening to see the friendships she has forged might just be a passing facade in life.
How many friendships built actually last for life? Joanne knows nothing lasts forever, but somehow she would love to give herself some room for doubt and proves the world wrong that some things do lasts forever like the love of a mother to her child ((:
I love you mum. HUGS.
So a friend advised me about the dogs-eat-dogs world, thanks a lot bro (I know you don't like to be called bro, take your pick, it's either bro or dad, yes you don't have many options, haha) I hate to admit it but I think I do not want to know who's the dog with the sharpest teeth out there, might be anyone close to me. You, him, or her, anyone.
SMILE (: Joanne is content, glad & at peace.
Reading people is something she has grown quite fond of and she would continue reading people.
with loves & hugs (:
Running 10km would be much easier than reading people.
The conversation got me thinking a lot about myself, again. He has offered many windows of opportunity at that moment, as time passes, the windows are closing. But then again, no one really knows what's outside the window, bed of roses or bed of daffodils? I decided I shouldn't make hasty decision back there, I listened attentively and remember and learn.
Joanne couldn't. As much as she thinks she wants to, she doesn't think she could. She would miss the people, definitely, but she couldn't stay there. She has to move on. She feels stagnant already only in less than a year. It isn't a good sign. She will work on it (: she promised herself to. She has her plans and gradually realizing it.. but it is saddening to see the friendships she has forged might just be a passing facade in life.
How many friendships built actually last for life? Joanne knows nothing lasts forever, but somehow she would love to give herself some room for doubt and proves the world wrong that some things do lasts forever like the love of a mother to her child ((:
I love you mum. HUGS.
So a friend advised me about the dogs-eat-dogs world, thanks a lot bro (I know you don't like to be called bro, take your pick, it's either bro or dad, yes you don't have many options, haha) I hate to admit it but I think I do not want to know who's the dog with the sharpest teeth out there, might be anyone close to me. You, him, or her, anyone.
SMILE (: Joanne is content, glad & at peace.
Reading people is something she has grown quite fond of and she would continue reading people.
with loves & hugs (:
Thursday, July 10, 2008
on maintenance in life..
It requires too much effort to maintain too many friends. I would be content to just have that few handful of close friends that I could always count on till the day I hear O Magnum playing in the background on "the" day. (: Yes I guess I will be happy to have just that.
Cycle of friendship continues. Anticipation, BFF, taking for granted, disappointment, then it ceased. It's a sad cycle... then you need to gather more courage to start it all over again. And so it goes on and on again... and then you hit a point, you no longer want to be involved anymore, and so you would choose to distant yourself from people. That's sad. But that's life. Is either you pick it up and go on, or you shut it out and keep a distant.
To maintain a friendship requires much effort, and sometimes you just don't have the energy to do it anymore.
Haha... Joanne is really full of madness. It's resurfacing I tell you. Joanne bought zoo biscuits to make herself happy at work, and made everyone who ate it to identify the biscuits before gobbling down. LOL.
Oh well, you don't find many retarded mad girls these days. (: Be glad that you know one. Haha.
Goodnight people (: HUGS
Cycle of friendship continues. Anticipation, BFF, taking for granted, disappointment, then it ceased. It's a sad cycle... then you need to gather more courage to start it all over again. And so it goes on and on again... and then you hit a point, you no longer want to be involved anymore, and so you would choose to distant yourself from people. That's sad. But that's life. Is either you pick it up and go on, or you shut it out and keep a distant.
To maintain a friendship requires much effort, and sometimes you just don't have the energy to do it anymore.
Haha... Joanne is really full of madness. It's resurfacing I tell you. Joanne bought zoo biscuits to make herself happy at work, and made everyone who ate it to identify the biscuits before gobbling down. LOL.
Oh well, you don't find many retarded mad girls these days. (: Be glad that you know one. Haha.
Goodnight people (: HUGS
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
this little piggy...
this little piggy went to the market,
this little piggy stayed at home,
this little piggy had some roast beef,
and this little piggy had none,
this little piggy cried "wee wee wee...
I can't find my way home.
(: my dearest mum used to read to me when I was young. it was a lovely childhood indeed.
My first book was - the pig jumps (:
Haha... what's with me and all the pig business? and so it figures I'm piggy (:
***
can't find her way home... it used to always end with laughter and giggles in my mum's warm embrace.
Joanne, just do it and do your best. You will find your way through the labyrinth... hang in there. HUGS.
LOVES, piggy (:
this little piggy stayed at home,
this little piggy had some roast beef,
and this little piggy had none,
this little piggy cried "wee wee wee...
I can't find my way home.
(: my dearest mum used to read to me when I was young. it was a lovely childhood indeed.
My first book was - the pig jumps (:
Haha... what's with me and all the pig business? and so it figures I'm piggy (:
***
can't find her way home... it used to always end with laughter and giggles in my mum's warm embrace.
Joanne, just do it and do your best. You will find your way through the labyrinth... hang in there. HUGS.
LOVES, piggy (:
Thursday, July 03, 2008
one has to do what one got to do
sometimes the options are not for us to choose. just do it.
joanne will stop.
there's a new direction she guessed... with new strength probably she can walk down that road, alone or accompanied, that path will be walked nevertheless.
adult life ain't easy but joanne is learning (: one has to do what one got to do.
oh yes, joanne misses her gays loves of her life. catch up soon with you guys.
love, piggy (:
joanne will stop.
there's a new direction she guessed... with new strength probably she can walk down that road, alone or accompanied, that path will be walked nevertheless.
adult life ain't easy but joanne is learning (: one has to do what one got to do.
oh yes, joanne misses her gays loves of her life. catch up soon with you guys.
love, piggy (:
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
i'm thankful
to be alive (:
Redang Island was awesomely beautiful
and I realize people do care, friends do, family do, even strangers or passerby
To my dear family & all my dear friends: I love you all & thank you for being there for me for all the good times and bad times (:
love, piggy (:
Redang Island was awesomely beautiful
and I realize people do care, friends do, family do, even strangers or passerby
To my dear family & all my dear friends: I love you all & thank you for being there for me for all the good times and bad times (:
love, piggy (:
Sunday, June 15, 2008
home-maker in the making
Quite a nice Sunday (: except the incredibly hot temperature outside. Grrr... I'm melting. Help.
Ok, so here's it.
I made jelly with peaches and longans (: yay! happy (:
I cooked pasta with button mushrooms and ham in tomato sauce for dinner! yum yum (:
Crazy I am these days dunno why don't ask me.
Finally bought a pair of badminton shoes for myself, don't have to worry about slipping no more.
Sigh... life sucks. my nose starts dripping again. and that ulcer down my throat is irritaing ):
Alright enough complaints, Sundays should be remain as Sundays (: HAPPY
you know what, sometimes I think I speak like a crazed woman, I know... how creepy is that. hahaha.
Love you all, mwah, piggy (:
Ok, so here's it.
I made jelly with peaches and longans (: yay! happy (:
I cooked pasta with button mushrooms and ham in tomato sauce for dinner! yum yum (:
Crazy I am these days dunno why don't ask me.
Finally bought a pair of badminton shoes for myself, don't have to worry about slipping no more.
Sigh... life sucks. my nose starts dripping again. and that ulcer down my throat is irritaing ):
Alright enough complaints, Sundays should be remain as Sundays (: HAPPY
you know what, sometimes I think I speak like a crazed woman, I know... how creepy is that. hahaha.
Love you all, mwah, piggy (:
Friday, June 13, 2008
I'm upset
all these time I was hoping I could get into the office to talk to him and understand what's in his mind. I got the chance this morning. And all I felt after was bitterness.
So I was wrong. I couldn't get into his head. I can't figure it out, too complex for me to comprehend, I couldn't understand. Can't help to ask "But why?" haha.. reminds me of Ivy (: RVR & NUS central forum.
Never mind I feel much better now. Come to think of it, probably none of you would understand half the crap I'm writing, that's fine. (:
i'm still upset but it's ok. That's life. Live with it (: everything will be fine tomorrow. Good night world.
So I was wrong. I couldn't get into his head. I can't figure it out, too complex for me to comprehend, I couldn't understand. Can't help to ask "But why?" haha.. reminds me of Ivy (: RVR & NUS central forum.
Never mind I feel much better now. Come to think of it, probably none of you would understand half the crap I'm writing, that's fine. (:
i'm still upset but it's ok. That's life. Live with it (: everything will be fine tomorrow. Good night world.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
into perspective
Things happen so swift in a blink of an eye... it's June, and I have not blogged for more than a month. Rather foul mood these days, or rather for the past few months, at work. Sometimes I really do not know how people just get by all the nonsense crap at work daily, seriously. And, I have lost my temper several times now at work. Haha.
What's the point? This whole notion of working your ass off to pay bills, debts, live by day by day, for what, waiting to die? Nothing good is going to happen out of this whole shit.
A friend of mine asked me this question 2 weeks ago.
"Would you leave everything behind, and book a flight to France or anywhere in the world to start a life there, right now? Like just pack & leave."
"I would if I have no debts, no responsibilities left here."
"Which means you won't."
"I can't, I couldn't leave things undone behind and let my family to clear off my debts."
"That's it. We can't. We have responsibilities on our shoulders."
Funny.. that's the same thought that went through my head last December. I had the urge to just leave. I was at the airport with my passport, and this crazy thought just came to my head. For that split second, I thought of fleeing.
Joanne, you are crazy I tell you. I know. (:
People blame others for their mistakes all the time. They find excuses, or explanations.. but not thinking about HOW to solve the problems. What's wrong with these people anyway?
I had a talk with my boss yesterday. Businesses are like business, no compassion, and in business, people take advantage of every opportunity, every chance... forget about right or wrong, it's all about the money.
Now let's put things into perspective. A lot has been happening, I just have to put it into perspective. Get real. Sometimes I just get mad for the wrong reason at the wrong person. It's unfair I know.
To trust or not to trust?
Sometimes you think you have it all sorted out, but in actual fact, it's as messy as it was at the beginning.
Do not ever let other people discourage you. (:
love, piggy.
p.s. it's another disorganized entry... don't bother if it's too urgh.. my head ain't thinking straight with a temperature in my brain. good night ppl (:
What's the point? This whole notion of working your ass off to pay bills, debts, live by day by day, for what, waiting to die? Nothing good is going to happen out of this whole shit.
A friend of mine asked me this question 2 weeks ago.
"Would you leave everything behind, and book a flight to France or anywhere in the world to start a life there, right now? Like just pack & leave."
"I would if I have no debts, no responsibilities left here."
"Which means you won't."
"I can't, I couldn't leave things undone behind and let my family to clear off my debts."
"That's it. We can't. We have responsibilities on our shoulders."
Funny.. that's the same thought that went through my head last December. I had the urge to just leave. I was at the airport with my passport, and this crazy thought just came to my head. For that split second, I thought of fleeing.
Joanne, you are crazy I tell you. I know. (:
People blame others for their mistakes all the time. They find excuses, or explanations.. but not thinking about HOW to solve the problems. What's wrong with these people anyway?
I had a talk with my boss yesterday. Businesses are like business, no compassion, and in business, people take advantage of every opportunity, every chance... forget about right or wrong, it's all about the money.
Now let's put things into perspective. A lot has been happening, I just have to put it into perspective. Get real. Sometimes I just get mad for the wrong reason at the wrong person. It's unfair I know.
To trust or not to trust?
Sometimes you think you have it all sorted out, but in actual fact, it's as messy as it was at the beginning.
Do not ever let other people discourage you. (:
love, piggy.
p.s. it's another disorganized entry... don't bother if it's too urgh.. my head ain't thinking straight with a temperature in my brain. good night ppl (:
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
I bought my ticket
finally.
feels good to buy a one way ticket... can't wait for my holiday to come.
foul weeks I had actually... full of foul days.. of course there were good days where I had some good times with my colleagues and friends but still the foulness is very much in the air and is getting thicker by day.
fuck. "you know I go to yard everyday kena fuck.." and so it goes with all the f words.. I hear the complaints sometimes in the morning & somewhere inside I feel consoled that at least I do not have to face those fucking people.
four people. that's the number I heard so far. what change will it bring seriously?
fight for survival so he said.. but I'm just not that kind of person that really want to fight for something which I do not even believe in.
fitness is what I'm going for these days.. fitness can overcome foulness. 10km run is my next challenge... hopefully I don't faint seriously.
future is not mine to see but I can surely work towards the future that I want to... how I have no idea.. but hmm.. I'll find my way somehow.. should stop feeling lost, time to get back on track girl.. yeah I think so too. (:
feels good to buy a one way ticket... can't wait for my holiday to come.
foul weeks I had actually... full of foul days.. of course there were good days where I had some good times with my colleagues and friends but still the foulness is very much in the air and is getting thicker by day.
fuck. "you know I go to yard everyday kena fuck.." and so it goes with all the f words.. I hear the complaints sometimes in the morning & somewhere inside I feel consoled that at least I do not have to face those fucking people.
four people. that's the number I heard so far. what change will it bring seriously?
fight for survival so he said.. but I'm just not that kind of person that really want to fight for something which I do not even believe in.
fitness is what I'm going for these days.. fitness can overcome foulness. 10km run is my next challenge... hopefully I don't faint seriously.
future is not mine to see but I can surely work towards the future that I want to... how I have no idea.. but hmm.. I'll find my way somehow.. should stop feeling lost, time to get back on track girl.. yeah I think so too. (:
Saturday, April 26, 2008
mad week
red-running-skin-peeling nose on Monday but still worked til 9pm.
still sick but went to work for half day after going to the doctor on Tuesday.
felt a bit better on Wednesday after 10-hour sleep.
quarreled & scolded somebody on Thursday. played badminton & swam too, needed to let the energy out.
had a nightmare, heart attack & damn foul on Friday. Also, a super full & not-really-wanted-to-attend dinner.
performed magic after another series of heart attacks in the morning on Saturday.
I just want to have a nice relaxing Sunday, can I?
am very tired.
when is my rainbow going to appear? please, I'm so tired of hoping, and being despaired.
I better go to bed now... *yawn* good night people. no nightmares anymore for me please. I need a good slumber.
love, piggy (:
still sick but went to work for half day after going to the doctor on Tuesday.
felt a bit better on Wednesday after 10-hour sleep.
quarreled & scolded somebody on Thursday. played badminton & swam too, needed to let the energy out.
had a nightmare, heart attack & damn foul on Friday. Also, a super full & not-really-wanted-to-attend dinner.
performed magic after another series of heart attacks in the morning on Saturday.
I just want to have a nice relaxing Sunday, can I?
am very tired.
when is my rainbow going to appear? please, I'm so tired of hoping, and being despaired.
I better go to bed now... *yawn* good night people. no nightmares anymore for me please. I need a good slumber.
love, piggy (:
Monday, April 21, 2008
my rainbow's end
I'm waiting for my rainbow's end (:
pray hard.. shh.. please God, thank you.
Joanne has been crying, sniffing, sneezing the whole day.
7 colors, 1 dream. Think far, think far ahead, think beyond this confined space. Joanne can do it. Even if I don't reach the stars, and all I'd got is nothing but just speck of stardust, at least I tried, I came this far. A change will do me good. Whatever it is, I'm grateful, I am. Thank you for everything.
with love, piggy (:
pray hard.. shh.. please God, thank you.
Joanne has been crying, sniffing, sneezing the whole day.
7 colors, 1 dream. Think far, think far ahead, think beyond this confined space. Joanne can do it. Even if I don't reach the stars, and all I'd got is nothing but just speck of stardust, at least I tried, I came this far. A change will do me good. Whatever it is, I'm grateful, I am. Thank you for everything.
with love, piggy (:
Sunday, April 20, 2008
and so she goes again
Joanne has reached her turning point (:
Good thing I'd say. Everything is under controlled.
She has been getting used to her life nowadays. Silly though.. how long it actually takes for her to adapt to a lonelier environment. She's glad she has made it nevertheless. (: And so she goes on with her life... continuing her journey as an independent and brave girl, going after the dream that she left behind for a while when she was bit lost.
The future is not clear for her to see, yet, but at least she knows which direction is she heading to. Perhaps it's another dead end, perhaps it's a rainbow's end, who knows.. whatever it is.. she is determined to walk down that road and see where it leads to.
Life is short and there are so many things to do. She has to thank few people whom she has been talking to recently, for giving her insights and advices on life, of how to see things in a broader perspective, how not to be troubled by petty stuff, how to see the goodness of the big picture rather than to be miserable due to a hairline crack.
Do the things that you have always wanted to do. Don't wait. Money earned is to be spent. But spend wisely, work your budget and plan it well.
Regardless how tired she is, she will not give up. Not now. Someone told me that this is the beginning of a very beautiful phase of my life... seriously, I'm not that hopeful haha, but yes, I am embracing that change alright.
love you darlings, piggy (: HUGS
Good thing I'd say. Everything is under controlled.
She has been getting used to her life nowadays. Silly though.. how long it actually takes for her to adapt to a lonelier environment. She's glad she has made it nevertheless. (: And so she goes on with her life... continuing her journey as an independent and brave girl, going after the dream that she left behind for a while when she was bit lost.
The future is not clear for her to see, yet, but at least she knows which direction is she heading to. Perhaps it's another dead end, perhaps it's a rainbow's end, who knows.. whatever it is.. she is determined to walk down that road and see where it leads to.
Life is short and there are so many things to do. She has to thank few people whom she has been talking to recently, for giving her insights and advices on life, of how to see things in a broader perspective, how not to be troubled by petty stuff, how to see the goodness of the big picture rather than to be miserable due to a hairline crack.
Do the things that you have always wanted to do. Don't wait. Money earned is to be spent. But spend wisely, work your budget and plan it well.
Regardless how tired she is, she will not give up. Not now. Someone told me that this is the beginning of a very beautiful phase of my life... seriously, I'm not that hopeful haha, but yes, I am embracing that change alright.
love you darlings, piggy (: HUGS
Sunday, April 13, 2008
I surprised myself
of my capability to embrace a quarter of century lived (:
Apathetic is not the right word. I do care, for all you know, I care about everything, but sometimes it is just pointless to point it out when no one can actually sees it but myself. Life is not a mirror for all to see. When one is not IN the situation or a similar situation, one will not understand. Is okay, you don't have to when you could not. Being able to sort certain things out has definitely makes me feel better.
Thank you to all my dear friends, and colleagues. Yes I am happy, thanks guys *hugs*
SYC practice was fun.
Past whole week was just unspeakable. Whatever... seriously, I don't care anymore.
Different I'd say, compared to the past, this marked the end & the beginning of another phase. What awaits in the future is yet to be known, and I only hope for the better. As I have said in my earlier post, hope floats.
Oh and by the way, Happy 21st Birthday dear Joyce (:
Apathetic is not the right word. I do care, for all you know, I care about everything, but sometimes it is just pointless to point it out when no one can actually sees it but myself. Life is not a mirror for all to see. When one is not IN the situation or a similar situation, one will not understand. Is okay, you don't have to when you could not. Being able to sort certain things out has definitely makes me feel better.
Thank you to all my dear friends, and colleagues. Yes I am happy, thanks guys *hugs*
SYC practice was fun.
Past whole week was just unspeakable. Whatever... seriously, I don't care anymore.
Different I'd say, compared to the past, this marked the end & the beginning of another phase. What awaits in the future is yet to be known, and I only hope for the better. As I have said in my earlier post, hope floats.
Oh and by the way, Happy 21st Birthday dear Joyce (:
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
nothing understood
Have you ever wondered when is the end?
Ever been hitting rock bottom thousands times until you reach the point, how many more rock bottoms can you hit till it really cracks your head and all become back to nothingness?
There's something stuck down my throat all the way to my chest, someone please dig it out for me?
I apologize if this is another disturbing morbid post... and I'm sorry it has to be an entry after a happy party, a bindaaz party.
You know what's the most disturbing thing about the world? The fact that no one really gives a shit about anything. Seriously.
Joanne feels so useless that she thinks that perhaps she deserves this? for not standing up for herself, for letting herself being trampled all over, for letting herself being weak... for all the reasons that she shouldn't be and not being what she should be.
Nothing comes from nothing. Nothing understood.
(too tired... should just sleep...)
Ever been hitting rock bottom thousands times until you reach the point, how many more rock bottoms can you hit till it really cracks your head and all become back to nothingness?
There's something stuck down my throat all the way to my chest, someone please dig it out for me?
I apologize if this is another disturbing morbid post... and I'm sorry it has to be an entry after a happy party, a bindaaz party.
You know what's the most disturbing thing about the world? The fact that no one really gives a shit about anything. Seriously.
Joanne feels so useless that she thinks that perhaps she deserves this? for not standing up for herself, for letting herself being trampled all over, for letting herself being weak... for all the reasons that she shouldn't be and not being what she should be.
Nothing comes from nothing. Nothing understood.
(too tired... should just sleep...)
Sunday, April 06, 2008
"time kya hai?"
Kurien was so proud of me, Chinese girl speaking Hindi, although only one sentence, I have forgotten the rest of my lessons haha. I gotta learn more than just that.
First Mallu party I went, great food & company (: Thanks Sherene. hugs!
April bad luck? I think so too, first the bungalow, then the We Will Rock You concert. Damn. But is ok.. life moves on. I got used to all the shit happening in my life... I've accepted it, what can you do man, just live with it! haan (:
We just have to learn to live life happily, yes it is a decision, everyone can make that decision (:
"time kya hai?"
"11.37pm yaar"
Haan, running late, so good night, milenge yaar (: love ya Kundi
First Mallu party I went, great food & company (: Thanks Sherene. hugs!
April bad luck? I think so too, first the bungalow, then the We Will Rock You concert. Damn. But is ok.. life moves on. I got used to all the shit happening in my life... I've accepted it, what can you do man, just live with it! haan (:
We just have to learn to live life happily, yes it is a decision, everyone can make that decision (:
"time kya hai?"
"11.37pm yaar"
Haan, running late, so good night, milenge yaar (: love ya Kundi
Thursday, April 03, 2008
no more fear (at least for now)
(: YES INDEED.
I do not get nightmares anymore, at least not this week. A friend told me to write some updates here, so here goes.
Work is the same, can't change the situation, change myself (: hmm... have decided on certain things to do. I managed to get into SYC, on probation, seriously have no idea how long I can survive but will give it a try, and there is SEATRU Turtle Research & Rehabilitation Group. I miss my darlings a lot, but life goes on (: good luck and all the best for exams! *HUGS*
Certain things can't wait, and I have decided not to. I'm planning on a vacation, I know I have said this since last month, but is difficult getting people, so I have decided to go somewhere alone. Haven't decided on a destination yet, thinking of beach, or nature (: getaway from the city.
I'm going to do CFA again, yes, again. Study hard for that, will see how it goes and where it leads me to. Whatever will be will be, come what may.
Been wanting to catch up with soccer again, I remembered last year during April I was watching Champions League, not anymore, this year. Hmm... I need to find back the passion and means to get in touch with soccer again.
Oh no more bungalow but at least we cleared some issues and we are leading rather independent lives now, glad that we have made it clear, don't mind me being the bad person, at least I don't have to pretend to be nice and put up with the mean girls. Haha... come to think of it, perhaps I am "the bitch". Oh well.. who cares, whatever.
Bubble burst. That's how I feel. perhaps that's why I was suffocating last week, was like I'm gasping for air, imagine the feeling of bubble burst in a pool of water, running out of air, no security blanket and your lungs are filled with water... you just simply can't breathe. After some time, I grew accustomed to the waters... I'm an amphibian! OMG I'm talking gibberish again! Anyways, yeah, point is, after streaks of disappointments, after hitting rock bottoms, falling into trenches, drowning in the deep valleys... I have had enough of morbidness. Life goes on, nothing to be feared. Just live it, and do it. (:
One last thing, I'm going to climb Mt Kinabalu haha... I don't care... I'm going to do it, alone, been waiting for years for people to go together, and everytime there will be an excuse of not being able to make it. Have been putting off for many years, can't wait anymore... time is running out, I'm not as young as I was 5 years ago, and who knows what will happen in the next 5 years. Haha. Ok, enough, Joanne, go to bed.
Good night people, take care. I miss you all (you know who you all are) BIG HUG.
love, piggy (:
I do not get nightmares anymore, at least not this week. A friend told me to write some updates here, so here goes.
Work is the same, can't change the situation, change myself (: hmm... have decided on certain things to do. I managed to get into SYC, on probation, seriously have no idea how long I can survive but will give it a try, and there is SEATRU Turtle Research & Rehabilitation Group. I miss my darlings a lot, but life goes on (: good luck and all the best for exams! *HUGS*
Certain things can't wait, and I have decided not to. I'm planning on a vacation, I know I have said this since last month, but is difficult getting people, so I have decided to go somewhere alone. Haven't decided on a destination yet, thinking of beach, or nature (: getaway from the city.
I'm going to do CFA again, yes, again. Study hard for that, will see how it goes and where it leads me to. Whatever will be will be, come what may.
Been wanting to catch up with soccer again, I remembered last year during April I was watching Champions League, not anymore, this year. Hmm... I need to find back the passion and means to get in touch with soccer again.
Oh no more bungalow but at least we cleared some issues and we are leading rather independent lives now, glad that we have made it clear, don't mind me being the bad person, at least I don't have to pretend to be nice and put up with the mean girls. Haha... come to think of it, perhaps I am "the bitch". Oh well.. who cares, whatever.
Bubble burst. That's how I feel. perhaps that's why I was suffocating last week, was like I'm gasping for air, imagine the feeling of bubble burst in a pool of water, running out of air, no security blanket and your lungs are filled with water... you just simply can't breathe. After some time, I grew accustomed to the waters... I'm an amphibian! OMG I'm talking gibberish again! Anyways, yeah, point is, after streaks of disappointments, after hitting rock bottoms, falling into trenches, drowning in the deep valleys... I have had enough of morbidness. Life goes on, nothing to be feared. Just live it, and do it. (:
One last thing, I'm going to climb Mt Kinabalu haha... I don't care... I'm going to do it, alone, been waiting for years for people to go together, and everytime there will be an excuse of not being able to make it. Have been putting off for many years, can't wait anymore... time is running out, I'm not as young as I was 5 years ago, and who knows what will happen in the next 5 years. Haha. Ok, enough, Joanne, go to bed.
Good night people, take care. I miss you all (you know who you all are) BIG HUG.
love, piggy (:
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Joanne needs to think
think. think harder. think wise.
Joanne has to THINK BIG.
If this is it, then this is it, it is OKAY. Joanne has to think of ways to make the best out of whatever she has. JUST THINK & TAKE ACTION.
Joanne has to THINK BIG.
If this is it, then this is it, it is OKAY. Joanne has to think of ways to make the best out of whatever she has. JUST THINK & TAKE ACTION.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
fear
It's ironic how I feel these days... where is my guts? I'm having more nightmares than usual, not your closet monster or alien abduction or "the ring" kind of nightmare. Mine are so real that sometimes I get the vibe that it actually might be true. I've been dreaming of deaths, being lost, endless work, helpless... it is so real which makes it all so scary.
Damnit I feel so insecure.
Glad I manage to control certain things, I need to be more controlled. I do not want to be one of those people you see on the streets blindly leading their lives.
Battling my fears are the hardest thing. That explains why I am so tired.
Joanne needs to be in control again. I cannot let other people rule my life. Take charge, girl.
love, piggy.
Damnit I feel so insecure.
Glad I manage to control certain things, I need to be more controlled. I do not want to be one of those people you see on the streets blindly leading their lives.
Battling my fears are the hardest thing. That explains why I am so tired.
Joanne needs to be in control again. I cannot let other people rule my life. Take charge, girl.
love, piggy.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
I looked up to the stars
I made a wish
for all my dear family & friends~
I wish all of you love and happiness
And to those who have found theirs,
I am really happy for you, I do
and it makes me happy to see you happy
And to those who are still in the search,
I pray for your angel of joy to arrive soon,
with love & happiness to share...
Take good care of yourself
life may suck
we may be stuck
BUT there is still hope
Hope floats... which is what keeps us alive
love, Joanne piggy (:
for all my dear family & friends~
I wish all of you love and happiness
And to those who have found theirs,
I am really happy for you, I do
and it makes me happy to see you happy
And to those who are still in the search,
I pray for your angel of joy to arrive soon,
with love & happiness to share...
Take good care of yourself
life may suck
we may be stuck
BUT there is still hope
Hope floats... which is what keeps us alive
love, Joanne piggy (:
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
familiarity
so much familiarity I could almost predict what's next
people are different
situation is different
circumstances are somewhat similar
is okay (:
Life is a cycle
What comes around go around, again
I made it before, I'll made it through again
Nothing is impossible
A decision made is a beginning of a battle
Doer does things, takes action,
not just plain talking or watching or having wishful thoughts
Start now.
I once wrote about love package some time last year. I wrote about loneliness, I wrote about rain, I wrote about having various personalities... I whined, complained, swore and all.
"It's your blog, you have all the right to do or write whatever you want." Joseph once said.
Kurien and Aaron used to find it as a source of entertainment? Do you guys still? *smiles*
Other people probably just read it for updates, or gossips.
There is a strong sense of familiarity, this phase. I won't try so hard to hold on... people are so afraid to let go, afraid to forget. I finished White Oleander... and there was something about memory. You want remember, so just remember. Simple as that. Let go & remember.
That sense of familiarity, will always be with you, if you remember (: Haan it always will.
love, Joanne piggy
p.s. internet connection is stable tonight.
people are different
situation is different
circumstances are somewhat similar
is okay (:
Life is a cycle
What comes around go around, again
I made it before, I'll made it through again
Nothing is impossible
A decision made is a beginning of a battle
Doer does things, takes action,
not just plain talking or watching or having wishful thoughts
Start now.
I once wrote about love package some time last year. I wrote about loneliness, I wrote about rain, I wrote about having various personalities... I whined, complained, swore and all.
"It's your blog, you have all the right to do or write whatever you want." Joseph once said.
Kurien and Aaron used to find it as a source of entertainment? Do you guys still? *smiles*
Other people probably just read it for updates, or gossips.
There is a strong sense of familiarity, this phase. I won't try so hard to hold on... people are so afraid to let go, afraid to forget. I finished White Oleander... and there was something about memory. You want remember, so just remember. Simple as that. Let go & remember.
That sense of familiarity, will always be with you, if you remember (: Haan it always will.
love, Joanne piggy
p.s. internet connection is stable tonight.
Friday, February 29, 2008
leapt through the year on a Friday
So technically this day only exists once every 4 years, hence, I thought I should write something, you know, the next 29th Feb would be 4 years later and god knows what would have happened to this blog or rather to me then. Maybe people do not blog anymore, perhaps there would be some new fab or probably I would have been dead. You never know... well in any case, bro, you know where to get the money (:
I slept for 11 hours last night, was so tired... yes from Mambo. Lovely. And guess what, I started coughing again, since Monday afternoon, and it just never got better, right now, I feel like digging my lungs out to disinfect. Urgh, can I be less gross? erm.. no.
Oh I mentioned to put a joke the next time I blog so here goes:
me: I'm too chicken to cut myself.
he: You should go to duck school.
me: Ya, I think I should first try on the Duck Tour, if I like it then I'll enroll into duck school.
Perhaps you are too adult to get the joke, it's okay, you are normal (: I just want to write it down. It's original. In case you are wondering what got us into that conversation about cutting myself, don't ask, trust me you don't want to know, and I'm not that murderous anymore. So I guess I'm tame no worries. No one is cutting anyone for any matter.
I didn't get to watch "There Will Be Blood" today ): wtf, left only one corner seat in the first row, there isn't much entertainment in Singapore seriously. I thought would be easier to get ticket for a person, I was wrong. I ended up doing retail therapy, how lovely.
Yes you are right, people put so much thought into life, planning and hoping, but life always throw people surprises out of the blue. We spend too much time worrying and hoping for things to turn out good when we have absolutely no control over it. So why get ourselves all worked up right? Money fucked everything up, seriously. The root of all evil? It's not a surprise at all.
Joanne has no idea how to end this. I'm screwed. I can't write in proper anymore ): please tell me I'm not getting more stupid by the seconds.
Love, piggy Joanne.
I slept for 11 hours last night, was so tired... yes from Mambo. Lovely. And guess what, I started coughing again, since Monday afternoon, and it just never got better, right now, I feel like digging my lungs out to disinfect. Urgh, can I be less gross? erm.. no.
Oh I mentioned to put a joke the next time I blog so here goes:
me: I'm too chicken to cut myself.
he: You should go to duck school.
me: Ya, I think I should first try on the Duck Tour, if I like it then I'll enroll into duck school.
Perhaps you are too adult to get the joke, it's okay, you are normal (: I just want to write it down. It's original. In case you are wondering what got us into that conversation about cutting myself, don't ask, trust me you don't want to know, and I'm not that murderous anymore. So I guess I'm tame no worries. No one is cutting anyone for any matter.
I didn't get to watch "There Will Be Blood" today ): wtf, left only one corner seat in the first row, there isn't much entertainment in Singapore seriously. I thought would be easier to get ticket for a person, I was wrong. I ended up doing retail therapy, how lovely.
Yes you are right, people put so much thought into life, planning and hoping, but life always throw people surprises out of the blue. We spend too much time worrying and hoping for things to turn out good when we have absolutely no control over it. So why get ourselves all worked up right? Money fucked everything up, seriously. The root of all evil? It's not a surprise at all.
Joanne has no idea how to end this. I'm screwed. I can't write in proper anymore ): please tell me I'm not getting more stupid by the seconds.
Love, piggy Joanne.
Monday, February 25, 2008
random raving
Been wanting to write much earlier, but kept procrastinating... I should have written an entry of VV but I think there's no need to. I miss VV2008 I miss NUS Choir, above all, I miss my friends (:
Every goodbye has not been easy and it will never be. Joanne will never get used to saying goodbyes, not to people who matter.
The daunting thought of number 25 has been haunting me for the past week... haha, Joanne is losing gripe of life me thinks. What a loser. I should totally die young, seriously.
Clinging onto the slightest hope is so tiring so much so it's making me numb. Perhaps it is good.
I apologize for my ego, my pride & my indifferences... but sometimes I just can't do it. I am mean, bitchy, but I do not pretend. What you see is the real thing.
Project LOVELY was lovely indeed.
Bitches are not easy to get along with but we are surviving fine, every mistake is a humor. Haha... with me around, people will just go crazy, I drive people mad. Yes I do have a driving license.
This is stupid, I miss listening to all the swear words, and today I am so pissed off I feel murderous. I am just fucking tired & fucking pissed off with work, with people, Joanne simply does not understand.
Watched 3 movies consecutive in 3 days. Friday night, p.s. I love you. disappointed with the show, read the book, it's so much better. Saturday evening, No Country for Old Men, good acting & movie, just that I don't really get Western accent sometimes. But no doubt a good show. Sunday afternoon, The Diving Bell & Butterfly, brilliant show, movie was shot from character eye's point of view, a sad movie.
All this lot is crap... one thing for sure, Joanne is becoming more stupid after started working. So help her please.
Hugs with love, Joanne piggy (:
Every goodbye has not been easy and it will never be. Joanne will never get used to saying goodbyes, not to people who matter.
The daunting thought of number 25 has been haunting me for the past week... haha, Joanne is losing gripe of life me thinks. What a loser. I should totally die young, seriously.
Clinging onto the slightest hope is so tiring so much so it's making me numb. Perhaps it is good.
I apologize for my ego, my pride & my indifferences... but sometimes I just can't do it. I am mean, bitchy, but I do not pretend. What you see is the real thing.
Project LOVELY was lovely indeed.
Bitches are not easy to get along with but we are surviving fine, every mistake is a humor. Haha... with me around, people will just go crazy, I drive people mad. Yes I do have a driving license.
This is stupid, I miss listening to all the swear words, and today I am so pissed off I feel murderous. I am just fucking tired & fucking pissed off with work, with people, Joanne simply does not understand.
Watched 3 movies consecutive in 3 days. Friday night, p.s. I love you. disappointed with the show, read the book, it's so much better. Saturday evening, No Country for Old Men, good acting & movie, just that I don't really get Western accent sometimes. But no doubt a good show. Sunday afternoon, The Diving Bell & Butterfly, brilliant show, movie was shot from character eye's point of view, a sad movie.
All this lot is crap... one thing for sure, Joanne is becoming more stupid after started working. So help her please.
Hugs with love, Joanne piggy (:
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
crazed (:
There's something good about hitting rock bottom, everything does not seem too bad once you are at the bottom of the pit. I mean, what can be worse than the worst right? ((: There are only better things to look forward to. In a way, it's good.
I'm a loser. A lousy loser, actually. Letting people trampled over me and being bullied. The most I can be is to be bitchy, haha... seriously Joanne, you have to do better than this. Almost everything seem hilarious to me nowadays, just great, ain't you think so? Like I'm seeing the grandeur of life and what's the whole point of getting so fucked up about misery, disappointments and such. They are all insignificant.
Hope is a waking dream, so someone I forgot who said it once long long ago. Why did I mention about that again? I forgot.
Suddenly my mind is almost blank, think I'll write another day ((: bye bye readers
I'm a loser. A lousy loser, actually. Letting people trampled over me and being bullied. The most I can be is to be bitchy, haha... seriously Joanne, you have to do better than this. Almost everything seem hilarious to me nowadays, just great, ain't you think so? Like I'm seeing the grandeur of life and what's the whole point of getting so fucked up about misery, disappointments and such. They are all insignificant.
Hope is a waking dream, so someone I forgot who said it once long long ago. Why did I mention about that again? I forgot.
Suddenly my mind is almost blank, think I'll write another day ((: bye bye readers
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
one last hope
There's still one last hope for this week to turn out to be good. Joanne is ok. She will pick up and move on. Yes she'll try harder next time, and she can do it.
Thanks dears, hugs.
Thanks dears, hugs.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
another randomness~
you know what, I realised I have the album of continuum in my music library all these while (:
life's like that. all these while, it has always been there, but one always take so long to notice, or sometimes, never did. people take things for granted. until someone comes along, to show you where it is, then, will you start to notice its existence.
do you know the feeling when you are so angry that you almost want to cry? and the worse part is trying to calm yourself down and thereafter act cool as if nothing had happened and life goes on again.
at a point you feel like you almost want to give the hell up, but there is always this linger of hope that keeps you alive. I guess that is what keeps me till today.
of course I'm ok (: never better. lest not emo anymore. maybe in denial, but if denial is the solution, why not?
loneliness has gone beyond my emotional dictionary, it almost doesn't exist anymore. I will always have my books as my company, books never betray. (: haha.. perhaps it is right to be said that lonely people read a lot, there is where people like me find solace and humor, joy and love.
this is another rather random post. I'm going through some phase of change... can't tell just yet. will disclose when everything has turned out all just fine.
Thank you very much to mummy, family & friends. I love all of you very much.
((:
life's like that. all these while, it has always been there, but one always take so long to notice, or sometimes, never did. people take things for granted. until someone comes along, to show you where it is, then, will you start to notice its existence.
do you know the feeling when you are so angry that you almost want to cry? and the worse part is trying to calm yourself down and thereafter act cool as if nothing had happened and life goes on again.
at a point you feel like you almost want to give the hell up, but there is always this linger of hope that keeps you alive. I guess that is what keeps me till today.
of course I'm ok (: never better. lest not emo anymore. maybe in denial, but if denial is the solution, why not?
loneliness has gone beyond my emotional dictionary, it almost doesn't exist anymore. I will always have my books as my company, books never betray. (: haha.. perhaps it is right to be said that lonely people read a lot, there is where people like me find solace and humor, joy and love.
this is another rather random post. I'm going through some phase of change... can't tell just yet. will disclose when everything has turned out all just fine.
Thank you very much to mummy, family & friends. I love all of you very much.
((:
Sunday, January 13, 2008
stop this train (:
I miss being young
I miss home
So much so often I want to stop this train
get off and go home again
but I can't stop this train
would someone stop this train?
Is it true we can renegotiate?
Alright, thanks for the song. (:
p.s. for once I didn't talk about work.
I send my loves to my dearest family and friends. HUGS.
love, piggy (:
I miss home
So much so often I want to stop this train
get off and go home again
but I can't stop this train
would someone stop this train?
Is it true we can renegotiate?
Alright, thanks for the song. (:
p.s. for once I didn't talk about work.
I send my loves to my dearest family and friends. HUGS.
love, piggy (:
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
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ireallyhavenoideawhatiamgoingtoblogabouttodaylifesucksnitsaintgettinanybetter
workwaslikehelluvafullofendlesscrap.livelifetothefullestdomybestselfencourageme
ntsometimesthingsjustcantbeallwhatwehopeforwemakethebestoutofwhatitisgiven
tous.onlythefittestsurviveinthisharshworldbutiamtoostubborntochangetopretendt
oembracethispretentiousshitoflifeitsmeaninglessnseriouslywhatdoonegain?viking
airtechmycompanyhastaughtmemanythingstodayacolleaguetalkedtomeaboutskinc
olordiscriminationifeltsorryforthediscriminatedbutthisistherealworldwherethemin
oritiesarealwaysatthedisadvantagesigh.everymorningitoldmyselfthisisanewdayica
ndoiticanlivethroughitalrightniwillbestrongnfacethetoughworldnibelieveontomybel
iefsniholdontothataslongasicould.youthfadesnothinglastsbutloveneverendsimisshi
mstilliwasreadingmyoldwritingsremindmeofmanythingsbroughtbackmuchmemories
thesearewhaticallpricelessnothingcansubstitutethemnitwillalwaysbewithmeforever
tilthedayidie.
foreverneverido
p.s.iloveyouijustfeltlikerantingmywaythroughtodaynthisisonerarepieceonecanfind!
(:
workwaslikehelluvafullofendlesscrap.livelifetothefullestdomybestselfencourageme
ntsometimesthingsjustcantbeallwhatwehopeforwemakethebestoutofwhatitisgiven
tous.onlythefittestsurviveinthisharshworldbutiamtoostubborntochangetopretendt
oembracethispretentiousshitoflifeitsmeaninglessnseriouslywhatdoonegain?viking
airtechmycompanyhastaughtmemanythingstodayacolleaguetalkedtomeaboutskinc
olordiscriminationifeltsorryforthediscriminatedbutthisistherealworldwherethemin
oritiesarealwaysatthedisadvantagesigh.everymorningitoldmyselfthisisanewdayica
ndoiticanlivethroughitalrightniwillbestrongnfacethetoughworldnibelieveontomybel
iefsniholdontothataslongasicould.youthfadesnothinglastsbutloveneverendsimisshi
mstilliwasreadingmyoldwritingsremindmeofmanythingsbroughtbackmuchmemories
thesearewhaticallpricelessnothingcansubstitutethemnitwillalwaysbewithmeforever
tilthedayidie.
foreverneverido
p.s.iloveyouijustfeltlikerantingmywaythroughtodaynthisisonerarepieceonecanfind!
(:
Monday, January 07, 2008
just an entry...
The background music now is playing O Magnum Mysterium... such calming and peaceful music ((: One can't help but to feel just safe. *big smile*
Joanne is in peace (: sounds like she's dead, nope, not yet, still very much alive, or at least she thinks she is. Perhaps part of her is dying secretly... but who knows, one cannot always be sure about life matters.
Sleep has done her much good ((: or perhaps home sweet home makes her happier, and she wonders... how long can it last, happiness, that is.
Looks like the new year has been treating her well, work has not been too bad, she had had much worse days, life has been rather pleasant, quiet... just the way she likes it.
Landlord is going to raise our rental soon, and she seriously think her current income is insufficient for her to realize her dream. Hearty Tarts is too distant to even to think about it.
Mr Charming has yet to be found, haha, oh well, she has given up searching... what will be will be. Of course she has always wanted to have someone to be there for her, but if there ain't one, no one is it, things can't be forced upon (: it's alright. She has friends, really nice friends and she is more than grateful of them. HUGS.
She thinks of her mother
She thinks of her grandfather
She thinks of people she loves
She said her thanks... for the people in her life ((:
and so this is her mood right now... so un-bitchy-Joanne.
I love you guys (: have a good week ahead! *hugs*
Joanne is in peace (: sounds like she's dead, nope, not yet, still very much alive, or at least she thinks she is. Perhaps part of her is dying secretly... but who knows, one cannot always be sure about life matters.
Sleep has done her much good ((: or perhaps home sweet home makes her happier, and she wonders... how long can it last, happiness, that is.
Looks like the new year has been treating her well, work has not been too bad, she had had much worse days, life has been rather pleasant, quiet... just the way she likes it.
Landlord is going to raise our rental soon, and she seriously think her current income is insufficient for her to realize her dream. Hearty Tarts is too distant to even to think about it.
Mr Charming has yet to be found, haha, oh well, she has given up searching... what will be will be. Of course she has always wanted to have someone to be there for her, but if there ain't one, no one is it, things can't be forced upon (: it's alright. She has friends, really nice friends and she is more than grateful of them. HUGS.
She thinks of her mother
She thinks of her grandfather
She thinks of people she loves
She said her thanks... for the people in her life ((:
and so this is her mood right now... so un-bitchy-Joanne.
I love you guys (: have a good week ahead! *hugs*
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
and a happy new year
sorry the wish comes a little late... better late than never. ((:
I took a long time to think about 2007 and the new year 2008.
Thank you my dear family and friends for being there for me all the time, especially my mum and the CBK darlings. Thank you specially for being yourself and not someone else, and Joanne loves you all for who you are. Those memories will be kept forever, and I'm sure the future has more memories to live and store. (: HUGS.
2008... I wish a better year for everyone, a blessed year, with happiness and joy and health and yes, wealth also.
with love, Joanne piggy (:
I took a long time to think about 2007 and the new year 2008.
Thank you my dear family and friends for being there for me all the time, especially my mum and the CBK darlings. Thank you specially for being yourself and not someone else, and Joanne loves you all for who you are. Those memories will be kept forever, and I'm sure the future has more memories to live and store. (: HUGS.
2008... I wish a better year for everyone, a blessed year, with happiness and joy and health and yes, wealth also.
with love, Joanne piggy (:
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