should I?

Everyday I ask myself the same questions
day and night
night and day
seeking for an answer
looking for an appropriate window

there was none
what makes me think there will be?

maybe I just shouldn't
miracles don't happen
dreams don't materialize

shit happens
shut up & live with it

there is nothing worse than the feeling that no one cares whether we exist or not, that no one is interested in what we have to say about life, and that the world can continue turning without our awkward presence. (from The Zahir)

Life is just so fragile
Honestly, I feel like crap

am trying very hard
summoning the courage within
go through the same shit myself every morning
showering myself with hopes and promises
nothing ever get any close

self-doubt deters my courage
esteem suppresses my confidence

I really need a change for the new year
Maybe I should just chill
enjoy my holidays till I come back again next year

that's a thought...
to leave the worrying to the future.

pitter-patter

how much have we sinned?
are there so much sins to be wash away?
it has been raining for 48 hours and still raining

been really cold
the weather
and everything else

I've lost it all

'Do you know what I would like to know? I'd like to know if you love me as much as I love you. But I don't have the courage to ask. Why do I have such frustrating relationships with men? I always feel like I have to be in relationship and that means I have to be fantastic, intelligent, sensitive, exceptional person. The effort of seduction forces me to give of my best and that helps me. Besides, it's really hard living on your own, and I don't know if that's the best option either.' Marie (The Zahir)


I wouldn't say it's hard, but it sure ain't easy living by your own.

At times, I do wish I don't have to be so strong and independent... Oh heck! The rain is getting into my brain-wiring system. :p

Anyway, I wouldn't really recommend The Zahir... very long-winded story. out of 5 I'll rate 3. I only read it because it's the only book I have with me in the lab. Honest speaking, come to think of it. Don't waste your time on this one, you can just give it a pass.

Oh well
still pitter-pattering
and I wonder when will it ends...

alone standing

I'm upset.

not because of what had happened
but what I realized from what had happened

I cannot read minds
but I read people's actions and speech
I see people (yes dear, not dead people)

I'm upset because...
after all and everything
I am still alone standing

holding onto something which is not even there

utmost silly!

Never Let Me Go

Good things do happen in life
If you believe that you will be blessed
then blessed you are
Never let me go
hold on to me tight

A well written sci-fi

It happens in life
so much so we believe in something that we almost thought it is real
even when we know deep inside somewhere it is untrue
we still cling onto this tiny hope
hoping that one day when you confront
some miracles might happen
but then again, you are hesitant to find out
because you are afraid of the answer
which is not the answer you are seeking
life is full of contradictories
as well as wonders and surprises!
what will life be without some anxiety and ups and downs
no matter what happen
regardless what shit happens
I'll stand by you *hugs* always

Other people know damn well how to run others' lives
but not their own... ain't it sad?
regardless what people say or do to you
you are still a unique individual, one entity;
don't ever forget that *winks*

I read your kindness

I saw it all...

no matter whether it's happy ending or otherwise
at least you believed
at least you dreamed
at least you dared to show courage
you did the best you could to live
and that is all that matters

Hold onto me, and never let me go. =)

Metta

Oh well, I won't elaborate the meaning of it, you can check it out here. :)

yeah, so now you know *wink*

You asked me why, I do not know the answer either. I understand your situation but not everyone does. Everyone is simply different.

I see a different light of you. I am glad. :) I do.

Kindness do exist in the midst of troubles, violence and yes, shit. Haha... Oh well, even though life sucks most of the time, but at least there are people making effort to make lives easier and comfortable. Thank you! and you are one of them! =) If only... never mind. *smiles*

Anyway, take care everyone, don't fall sick! and yes, spread the joy and love, it's the season of giving and sharing!! :D

Merry Christmas!! *hugs*

with love,
PIGGY

Joanne meets Joanne

I met Joanne again after so many years! yes, she has grown! =) still so cute as ever though. I don't have a camera. only a VGA camera phone haha. oh well... budak kampung miskin what.. :p Anyway, took pictures with Joanne and Jane with my lousy phone(ok, correction, Jay's phone). ;)

Anyway, this week been like so damn freaking busy (lab+choir). But yeah, it's good to be busy. :)

I realised I haven't really been out. and I certainly don't have time to. hmm.. good in a way, don't have to spend unnecessary money.

My December schedule is simply just crazy and hectic and fun. How exciting!

Dora's nose is dripping now, again, and her voice has turned sexy! yeah! stupid girl.

Oh heck, don't even know what I'm crapping about here.

sign out la girl.. ok! :) take care everyone!

speak less

talking too much nonsense
sorry about that

thinking too much also
should stop
it's heading no where by thinking

start working
speak less
stop the nonsense
sing to myself
smile always
&
sleep (most essential)

:) goodnight!

fastest decision ever made

The moment I was told to take a break from lab for the weekend, haha... first thought came into my mind "what should I do then? why not I just go home?" And guess what, I did!

Dad and bro were really surprised to see me! Jay was like stunned for 3 seconds, then asked, "what are you doing here?" hahaha... It is real fun to be home again! especially after exams!

Dinner was delicious today! Mum cooked herbal chicken soup (yummy!), sting-ray assam curry (soooo much much much better than the YIH canteen's)& we had the Muar's famous otak-otak too! hahaha... nice!

Ivan came back today! Karin and Adele will be back on Tuesday. Ahh.. really miss all my cousins! And, I will have to go back to the N U of S on Monday. wish I could just stay back longer to meet my dear cousins. But then again, I shall meet all of them during end of Dec! *looking forward to* *hugs*

Oh well, meanwhile will just enjoy my time at home! :) Don't even want to think of other stuff that has to be done! :p

Take care people, exams should be finishing soon for everyone! :) Enjoy the holidays!

but why...

damn the weird dreams are back. can i put a stop to it? it is driving me nuts.

i saw the man
in my dreams
the same man
every night
it's scary

dreams are illusions
please please go away
the feeling of waking up
from such dreams
doesn't feel good at all

haha.. okay, it's only just a series of dreams. do not fear. *hugs*

"but why..." I dunno why, don't ask me. I guess it is the thought, the fear of losing that generate such illusions in my head. But then again, people walk in and out of our lives. and I'm truly happy that our lives have crossed in the journey.

Sometimes, I wish I have the answers to all my questions too. :)