Joanne needs to think

think. think harder. think wise.

Joanne has to THINK BIG.

If this is it, then this is it, it is OKAY. Joanne has to think of ways to make the best out of whatever she has. JUST THINK & TAKE ACTION.

fear

It's ironic how I feel these days... where is my guts? I'm having more nightmares than usual, not your closet monster or alien abduction or "the ring" kind of nightmare. Mine are so real that sometimes I get the vibe that it actually might be true. I've been dreaming of deaths, being lost, endless work, helpless... it is so real which makes it all so scary.

Damnit I feel so insecure.

Glad I manage to control certain things, I need to be more controlled. I do not want to be one of those people you see on the streets blindly leading their lives.

Battling my fears are the hardest thing. That explains why I am so tired.

Joanne needs to be in control again. I cannot let other people rule my life. Take charge, girl.

love, piggy.

I looked up to the stars

I made a wish
for all my dear family & friends~
I wish all of you love and happiness

And to those who have found theirs,
I am really happy for you, I do
and it makes me happy to see you happy

And to those who are still in the search,
I pray for your angel of joy to arrive soon,
with love & happiness to share...

Take good care of yourself
life may suck
we may be stuck
BUT there is still hope
Hope floats... which is what keeps us alive

love, Joanne piggy (:

familiarity

so much familiarity I could almost predict what's next
people are different
situation is different
circumstances are somewhat similar

is okay (:

Life is a cycle
What comes around go around, again
I made it before, I'll made it through again
Nothing is impossible
A decision made is a beginning of a battle
Doer does things, takes action,
not just plain talking or watching or having wishful thoughts
Start now.

I once wrote about love package some time last year. I wrote about loneliness, I wrote about rain, I wrote about having various personalities... I whined, complained, swore and all.

"It's your blog, you have all the right to do or write whatever you want." Joseph once said.
Kurien and Aaron used to find it as a source of entertainment? Do you guys still? *smiles*
Other people probably just read it for updates, or gossips.

There is a strong sense of familiarity, this phase. I won't try so hard to hold on... people are so afraid to let go, afraid to forget. I finished White Oleander... and there was something about memory. You want remember, so just remember. Simple as that. Let go & remember.

That sense of familiarity, will always be with you, if you remember (: Haan it always will.

love, Joanne piggy
p.s. internet connection is stable tonight.

Joanne needs a holiday

I need a holiday.

leapt through the year on a Friday

So technically this day only exists once every 4 years, hence, I thought I should write something, you know, the next 29th Feb would be 4 years later and god knows what would have happened to this blog or rather to me then. Maybe people do not blog anymore, perhaps there would be some new fab or probably I would have been dead. You never know... well in any case, bro, you know where to get the money (:

I slept for 11 hours last night, was so tired... yes from Mambo. Lovely. And guess what, I started coughing again, since Monday afternoon, and it just never got better, right now, I feel like digging my lungs out to disinfect. Urgh, can I be less gross? erm.. no.

Oh I mentioned to put a joke the next time I blog so here goes:

me: I'm too chicken to cut myself.
he: You should go to duck school.
me: Ya, I think I should first try on the Duck Tour, if I like it then I'll enroll into duck school.

Perhaps you are too adult to get the joke, it's okay, you are normal (: I just want to write it down. It's original. In case you are wondering what got us into that conversation about cutting myself, don't ask, trust me you don't want to know, and I'm not that murderous anymore. So I guess I'm tame no worries. No one is cutting anyone for any matter.

I didn't get to watch "There Will Be Blood" today ): wtf, left only one corner seat in the first row, there isn't much entertainment in Singapore seriously. I thought would be easier to get ticket for a person, I was wrong. I ended up doing retail therapy, how lovely.

Yes you are right, people put so much thought into life, planning and hoping, but life always throw people surprises out of the blue. We spend too much time worrying and hoping for things to turn out good when we have absolutely no control over it. So why get ourselves all worked up right? Money fucked everything up, seriously. The root of all evil? It's not a surprise at all.

Joanne has no idea how to end this. I'm screwed. I can't write in proper anymore ): please tell me I'm not getting more stupid by the seconds.

Love, piggy Joanne.

random raving

Been wanting to write much earlier, but kept procrastinating... I should have written an entry of VV but I think there's no need to. I miss VV2008 I miss NUS Choir, above all, I miss my friends (:

Every goodbye has not been easy and it will never be. Joanne will never get used to saying goodbyes, not to people who matter.

The daunting thought of number 25 has been haunting me for the past week... haha, Joanne is losing gripe of life me thinks. What a loser. I should totally die young, seriously.

Clinging onto the slightest hope is so tiring so much so it's making me numb. Perhaps it is good.

I apologize for my ego, my pride & my indifferences... but sometimes I just can't do it. I am mean, bitchy, but I do not pretend. What you see is the real thing.

Project LOVELY was lovely indeed.

Bitches are not easy to get along with but we are surviving fine, every mistake is a humor. Haha... with me around, people will just go crazy, I drive people mad. Yes I do have a driving license.

This is stupid, I miss listening to all the swear words, and today I am so pissed off I feel murderous. I am just fucking tired & fucking pissed off with work, with people, Joanne simply does not understand.

Watched 3 movies consecutive in 3 days. Friday night, p.s. I love you. disappointed with the show, read the book, it's so much better. Saturday evening, No Country for Old Men, good acting & movie, just that I don't really get Western accent sometimes. But no doubt a good show. Sunday afternoon, The Diving Bell & Butterfly, brilliant show, movie was shot from character eye's point of view, a sad movie.

All this lot is crap... one thing for sure, Joanne is becoming more stupid after started working. So help her please.

Hugs with love, Joanne piggy (:

crazed (:

There's something good about hitting rock bottom, everything does not seem too bad once you are at the bottom of the pit. I mean, what can be worse than the worst right? ((: There are only better things to look forward to. In a way, it's good.

I'm a loser. A lousy loser, actually. Letting people trampled over me and being bullied. The most I can be is to be bitchy, haha... seriously Joanne, you have to do better than this. Almost everything seem hilarious to me nowadays, just great, ain't you think so? Like I'm seeing the grandeur of life and what's the whole point of getting so fucked up about misery, disappointments and such. They are all insignificant.

Hope is a waking dream, so someone I forgot who said it once long long ago. Why did I mention about that again? I forgot.

Suddenly my mind is almost blank, think I'll write another day ((: bye bye readers

one last hope

There's still one last hope for this week to turn out to be good. Joanne is ok. She will pick up and move on. Yes she'll try harder next time, and she can do it.

Thanks dears, hugs.

another randomness~

you know what, I realised I have the album of continuum in my music library all these while (:

life's like that. all these while, it has always been there, but one always take so long to notice, or sometimes, never did. people take things for granted. until someone comes along, to show you where it is, then, will you start to notice its existence.

do you know the feeling when you are so angry that you almost want to cry? and the worse part is trying to calm yourself down and thereafter act cool as if nothing had happened and life goes on again.

at a point you feel like you almost want to give the hell up, but there is always this linger of hope that keeps you alive. I guess that is what keeps me till today.

of course I'm ok (: never better. lest not emo anymore. maybe in denial, but if denial is the solution, why not?

loneliness has gone beyond my emotional dictionary, it almost doesn't exist anymore. I will always have my books as my company, books never betray. (: haha.. perhaps it is right to be said that lonely people read a lot, there is where people like me find solace and humor, joy and love.

this is another rather random post. I'm going through some phase of change... can't tell just yet. will disclose when everything has turned out all just fine.

Thank you very much to mummy, family & friends. I love all of you very much.

((:

stop this train (:

I miss being young
I miss home

So much so often I want to stop this train
get off and go home again
but I can't stop this train
would someone stop this train?

Is it true we can renegotiate?

Alright, thanks for the song. (:

p.s. for once I didn't talk about work.

I send my loves to my dearest family and friends. HUGS.

love, piggy (:

nlisuqhwd8ckdlkegfr

ireallyhavenoideawhatiamgoingtoblogabouttodaylifesucksnitsaintgettinanybetter
workwaslikehelluvafullofendlesscrap.livelifetothefullestdomybestselfencourageme
ntsometimesthingsjustcantbeallwhatwehopeforwemakethebestoutofwhatitisgiven
tous.onlythefittestsurviveinthisharshworldbutiamtoostubborntochangetopretendt
oembracethispretentiousshitoflifeitsmeaninglessnseriouslywhatdoonegain?viking
airtechmycompanyhastaughtmemanythingstodayacolleaguetalkedtomeaboutskinc
olordiscriminationifeltsorryforthediscriminatedbutthisistherealworldwherethemin
oritiesarealwaysatthedisadvantagesigh.everymorningitoldmyselfthisisanewdayica
ndoiticanlivethroughitalrightniwillbestrongnfacethetoughworldnibelieveontomybel
iefsniholdontothataslongasicould.youthfadesnothinglastsbutloveneverendsimisshi
mstilliwasreadingmyoldwritingsremindmeofmanythingsbroughtbackmuchmemories
thesearewhaticallpricelessnothingcansubstitutethemnitwillalwaysbewithmeforever
tilthedayidie.

foreverneverido

p.s.iloveyouijustfeltlikerantingmywaythroughtodaynthisisonerarepieceonecanfind!

(:

just an entry...

The background music now is playing O Magnum Mysterium... such calming and peaceful music ((: One can't help but to feel just safe. *big smile*

Joanne is in peace (: sounds like she's dead, nope, not yet, still very much alive, or at least she thinks she is. Perhaps part of her is dying secretly... but who knows, one cannot always be sure about life matters.

Sleep has done her much good ((: or perhaps home sweet home makes her happier, and she wonders... how long can it last, happiness, that is.

Looks like the new year has been treating her well, work has not been too bad, she had had much worse days, life has been rather pleasant, quiet... just the way she likes it.

Landlord is going to raise our rental soon, and she seriously think her current income is insufficient for her to realize her dream. Hearty Tarts is too distant to even to think about it.

Mr Charming has yet to be found, haha, oh well, she has given up searching... what will be will be. Of course she has always wanted to have someone to be there for her, but if there ain't one, no one is it, things can't be forced upon (: it's alright. She has friends, really nice friends and she is more than grateful of them. HUGS.

She thinks of her mother
She thinks of her grandfather
She thinks of people she loves
She said her thanks... for the people in her life ((:

and so this is her mood right now... so un-bitchy-Joanne.

I love you guys (: have a good week ahead! *hugs*

and a happy new year

sorry the wish comes a little late... better late than never. ((:

I took a long time to think about 2007 and the new year 2008.

Thank you my dear family and friends for being there for me all the time, especially my mum and the CBK darlings. Thank you specially for being yourself and not someone else, and Joanne loves you all for who you are. Those memories will be kept forever, and I'm sure the future has more memories to live and store. (: HUGS.

2008... I wish a better year for everyone, a blessed year, with happiness and joy and health and yes, wealth also.

with love, Joanne piggy (:

I have had enough

I have had enough, of all the shits and nonsense.

Why the recent vulgarities?

Level of stress is increasing by day and trust level declining every day too.

Why do people back stab?

I have had enough of pretentious & superficial lifestyle. Give me a break.

Joanne is retardedly crazy and lame, and she misses her friend who is most probably busy visiting all uncles and aunties in India right now and getting bitten by Indie mozzies. LOL. She misses home lots too, this Christmas and New Year will be different - lonely and boring.

2008, I fail to identify my feelings toward the new year, except that I hope that I can save some money to go travel in April or May, I will plan for a vacation, I need a holiday. I hope I can roll money on money too, and in Jan my exam results will be out, sighs.

The season of giving and hope doesn't sound too promising to me at all, at least, not yet.

No, I'm not really emo, just tired, yeah, more of tired than anything. Tired of being an adult. Tired of bearing responsibilities. Tired of pretending to be a know-it-all, to be up-to-date, to be a please-them-all, to be politically and diplomatically correct.

Life is pretentious and is a whole big facade.

I find solace in the library. (((: a nerd.

Thank you friends who are always there to listen to my rants, bear with my vulgarities, listen to my whinings, cheer me up with our secret jokes which are not really funny ok tsk. Thanks (((: HUGS. And also, for the visits and dinners and little cards, letters and gifts. Little things count and Joanne appreciates them all, big or small, far or near (((: Thanks for being nice.

I have had enough of craps, give Joanne a break, she needs a holiday, a nice long holiday and some understanding would be nice too.

back from hiatus

Dear readers,

Joanne is back.

Life is like a roller coaster. I miss living, laughing and loving. Why? I am both happy and sad, loved and lonely. How?

Haha, like seriously, I have no eff-ing idea.

Enough soap dramas. ((:

Updates... exam was shite. Don't ask. I was upset. Yes, was, am not that upset now, but still, the pinch is there. I feel poor despite earning monthly wages. That sucks. Finally I got my NLB membership. YAY *big grin*

I have one million things in my head but I just can't pen a single thing down. Lousy girl. Carolings are coming soon. I have mixed feelings haha, excited and not excited. Joanne is getting retarded.

Time is passing by and Joanne is fading together with it... somebody please grab hold of time for me please? Oh and one more thing, Joanne is reading chick lits haha, like seriously, she is! Probably that explains the emo-ness and shit like that, should have borrowed a John Grisham or Sidney Sheldon book instead haha.

Joanne shall aim to keep her indifference.

p.s. I love you mummy, thanks for everything. (((:

For you to decipher...

I braved myself through the dark little things
scattering over the pathways
fleeing everywhere like blind creatures

I cringed at the sight of the rush
one even stopped as if dared me to cross
with the raging headgears all armed

I braved myself to cross the paths
the whims... I was disgusted later
amazed of my courage

perhaps my fear could be conquered
afterall I braved myself to walk through my darkest fear

Not much literature content, actually, damn retarded if the mystery is disclosed. Haha, an expected reaction would be "what the fuck?" I find my writing amusing with such silliness :p I wrote that during lunch break, nerd? maybe. mad? yeah I think so too. *laughs* What is Joanne's darkest fear?

A letter to the Big Guy
Dear Mister,

Thank you for keeping me alive, despite my carelessness last Saturday. (: I was not killed, and was not scolded, only burnt a hole in my pocket, at least I still have the other pocket. I am really very grateful and I treasure life even more. Also, I promised to say a prayer for the safety of "the" postman on behalf of my friend. Please keep him safe (I think should be a he, but in any case is a she, please keep her safe) Thank you.
love, Joanne.
p.s. Thank you also for having me blessed with such wonderful loving family & friends.

Ruff Tuff the Giraffe & Funky Monkey I'm afraid this tale has to be waited at the moment. Joanne has no time for story telling or story writing. Perhaps in December.

Updates:
Joanne is panicking, got the CFA exam slip last Friday, and she is way behind study schedule. So sorry guys, she most probably has to forego entertainments & choir practices.
Joanne is going home next Wednesday night till the weekend, ((: is so looking forward to going home.
Joanne is cooking more often these days, save money.
Joanne feels bit weird about getting permanent resident status, don't know why. (damn, I don't always have to give a reason for feeling weird ok)
YES, Joanne is still bitchy, haha, and she's loving it, omg, serious retardedness.

On a serious note, I'm getting quite used to work, despite the fact that I still have trouble waking up every morning. After all I'm a piggy. Focus, study hard Joanne, the rest of the people who are studying too, yes, it's time to start mugging, it's November, soon, heck, November Rain is already here, don't you see it has started raining?

Joanne sends her love *HUGS! mwah*

funky monkey

has a good friend - ruff tuff giraffe ((:

I'm going to write a story about funky monkey & ruff tuff giraffe, someday, soon. Not today, not tomorrow, because the author's hand is dying (can't type well), the thinker head is spinning from coughing (can't concentrate on getting a good storyline).

Joanne is going crazy, seriously. because she's coughing her lungs out, and she will be out of breath soon. How can one breathe with their lungs outside?

Yes I know I have a sexy voice ((: don't be jealous. And, stop making fun of my "shut up"s It's not even funny. TSK!

My colleagues are funny people too, seriously, I think my job is not bad, just that the pay is really low but well, I have not much complaints at least for now. Money is everything but NOT everything. okay.. what am I talking? Haha... I'm crazy. (:

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying life being a kid, sometimes, with my fellow kid friend, ruff tuff the giraffe.

I should rest now... *cough cough* yes I will go and see a doctor tomorrow. Stop nagging.

love, Joanne piggy (:

rediscovering life (:

museums visit, today (: nice, I like it. free, fun, & full of insights haha, like yeah right...

Kurien gave me dunno how many Indian points today, for Jay walking *puzzled* I don't even know whether is that a good thing or bad.

I heard from a friend that a friend of a friend of mine is earning $15k per month as an engineer, in my mind I was like, "fuck!" Shit, I feel like quitting my job hahaha... why am I even working there with that meager pay and working like shit? I have no idea seriously. Anyway I was just kidding, I'll stay where I am and learn as much I can regarding marine industry (: and if opportunity comes, we'll see. I have accepted to the fact I don't have the luck to earn big bucks, so I will just be content with my pathetic sum I receive monthly.

My manager said I look bored at work *frowns*
My colleague said I look laid back *more frowns*

Oh great, like just the kind of feedback I'd need, am I jeopardizing my own career? I better not.

Happy blue birds ((: Joanne is so random... I know, but I don't know why.

And my friend asked me to switch company, higher pay, much better incentives for the same position *speechless* No, I can't, I think my boss will just kill me seriously. Haha.. bad idea.

is there nothing interesting in an adult's life? *wonders*

I enjoy walking around enjoying the greens, reading, writing, singing, baking, catching up with family & few close friends, walking by the beach, spend my day lazily reading a good book ((: such luxury. Sounds like a nice dream ((: indeed it is.

I feel like I'm a slave to the root of all evil $$$$$ Help!

Life is picking up at a quick pace for me... I need to find more time, to find satisfaction & enjoyment in my work.

At this point in life, I'm like rediscovering what life is all about... indeed it is different. Now that I am really IN the society, the REAL working society, if you get what I mean. Interesting, it is! No doubt about that, and Joanne still muses at the musings of humans!

Live life & laugh! ((:

Thanks, mum & friends *smiles* who never fail to make me laugh, laugh with me & at me *bleh*

love, Joanne.

children's day (:

Joanne is retarded, seriously. Like totally *roll eyes*

"Oh, I've got a missed call.. who would that be.."
"Someone who called you."
"No, someone who missed me called me." *smiles*
"Awesome, you're getting it back again."

I can't stop dreaming of the impossible & wanting to believe dreams are achievable.
"Why can't we do the things that we love and earn a living from it?"
"Like what?"
"Singing, reading, baking, joking etc."
"Singing is a one off thing, irregular."
"I can be a book reviewer."
"But you have to read boring books as well."
"Easy, just give a bad review, for all you know it'll be the best review ever!"

"I want to start my hearty tarts business."
"You'll get bored after everything is settled."
"Will I? Hmm..."

"There's still my BHS..." ((:

Oh and, Kurien & I missed the 96 bus because we were having our mini Children's Day celebration.

"Cockroach!"
"Look, the adults are too occupied with their worries, bills, awful week at work.. to notice the cockroach."
"But we did."
"which explains why we are here and not in the bus."

Seriously, Hollywood should hire us to do stand-up comedy I don't mind to start off at some suburb in Texas. Why Texas? No idea. Just random.

Alright, time to wake up. September has ended. And to all the children out there and to the grownups who are still kids, Happy Children's Day!

HUGS (:

Love, Joanne (always a kid at heart)