Is this as good as it gets?

Remember? the Jack Nicholson movie sometime ago. ok, not that way back then, but heck, it's almost 10 years ago.. ok, 9. :p (not the best video clip... but that's one of the better ones I could find.)

One of my favourite movies =) As good as it gets
[don't read the spoilers, watch the movie!!]

Why the sudden reminiscence of that movie? haha.. I dunno.

I think there's something real connects which appeal to me.. no matter how different people are, our lives are somehow or another interconnected. And sometimes, it's not really a matter of choice whether you want or do not want, things just happen for God-knows-whatever reason.

The movie leaves you smiling and thinking.. is life really as good as it gets?

Maybe it is *wink wink*

I see people around me, everyone is different and unique. I smile upon realizing everyone's differences, and am amazed and awed that we complement one another in a way or another. People don't have to like everyone, but I think people should respect one another no matter how much you dislike that person(s).

we should be thankful of the people around us. =) regardless what kind of people. without them, we are nobody. It is true indeed that we define ourselves through others.

what is brain without the fool?
what is beauty without the ugly?
what is good without the evil?
what is happy without the sadness?
what is merry without the loneliness?

Be thankful, always.. *smiles* It is always the presence of other that makes you want to be a better person. And who it is to define "better" hmm? haha.. this is getting too philosophical. Anyway, just be grateful my dear ones :)

*hugs* (yes, you can tell Dora is in a good mood *grins* ^^)

How long can it last...

Happiness I meant. :)

I can sense that all will be gone by end of this week.

Choir going to stop soon.
FYP not going too smoothly... I think there's some problem now. (not so prominent yet, but yeah, it'll come, we'll see)
Time to catch up with my tech electives.

But then again, happiness won't have its meaning if there is no period of downfall right? *winks*

Joanne is slacking too much this week. She has ample time for House, Nick Hornby, being busy-body, sleep.. etc. Such happy lifetstyle... too good to be true that it's starting to get bit worrisome. haha. Joanne is so paradoxical, ain't she? :p

While I'm still in good mood, I should blog more... my blog is full of shit haha. should compensate with some happy stuff.

Shall take this opportunity to thank everyone for everything!! sounds like I just got a best-something award haha... oh well, peduli la.. selagi gembira sudah lah kan?

Thanks Joanne, for keeping the positive attitude!
Thanks Barclays group for giving me such a great time singing with u all!
Thanks NUS Choir! Love all of you!
Thanks for last Monday's outing, the playground episode, the waffle which makes me happy, the nice company, the thoughtfulness... etc. *smiles*

And finally, big big thank you to mummy! *hugs with love* Thank you for all the food & love!

If you think you deserve a better life, you are wrong. We are fortunate children and we should be thankful for that.

Be grateful and cherish what you have at present.

Everyone thinks about death at a certain point in their lives, and perhaps wanting to die, it is as if the thought of death is part of life itself. It is indeed.

Laugh often. :) It's the best medicine so it claims, I think it's true.

In the midst of darkness, there will be light somewhere...

Even if shit happens, don't complain, you never know what worse shit you could get.

Value everything you have, do not take things for granted.

Ever after exists in fairy tales, but in real life, they do have happy endings, right? *wink*

Joyful, joyful

We had lots of fun learning the dance steps today! =) Thanks to Reren and Pat!! *mwah*

I remember the good old days of NUS Choir
the fun and joy we had all these years
and of course, looking forward to more to come! :)
at least I still have one and a half sem with the choir!
I shall cherish all the times.. *smiles*

I miss all my fellow graduated choir brothers and sisters
have been awesome singing alongside them
thanks to the seniors who have been patient with me
thanks to the juniors who tolerate my craziness
thanks to the comm's effort making NUS choir enjoyable!! *big grin*
2003-04 Melody & HZ; 2004-05 Weyling & Shihui; 2005-06 KK & Iris; 2006-07 Iris & Aaron

4 years! [No, I'm not a year 2 :p, though I wish I am]
I'm sure will miss the juniors when I've graduated!
the Indo people is so fun! haha..
of course there's little girl, tribal and the rest too *wink*
[must mingle around more la girl =)]
I just love NUS Choir..
If I have a choice I'd rather be with the choir always!!

I will definitely miss..
the process of getting to know juniors every year..
the learning of songs..
the frustrations of screwed notes and tempos..
the excitements of performing..
the after choir suppers..
the occasional choir outings..
the bitching session! haha.. [sometimes :p]
the ups and downs..
the exam study sessions..
and lots and lots more...

What would life have been without NUS Choir Joanne wonders..

Anyways... Big thanks to all of you!! *warm hugs*

semi-drunken

Oh not really la.. *wink*

It's Friday night! I was chit-chatting with Damien after coming back from library, took his advice, to not study! woohoo! felt guilty, but.. heck, who cares anyway, I study everyday! yup ;)

Iris is right, Yakult + Vodka actually tasted good! Well, thanks to Joseph's vodka! (only a tiny little sip :p)

Ah well, little alcohol doesn't leave me in a drunken mode la.. not even semi-drunk, was just hmm.. dunno. haha. Ok, getting bit weird now.

Suddenly I remember my high school days, my best friends and all the things that happened... wow, that was really damn long ago. seemed ages... I received email from Wei today, thanks girl, great to know you are doing fine with your thesis! :) Anyway, back to the history of Joanne Lim, a bit of flash back, it was rather eventful and exciting to a certain degree. Come to think of how many friends that I actually keep in touch with today, it's rather sad... nah, better don't mention it.

Hence, Joanne wonders, where will her life heads to next year? She'll be stepping into another phase of her life again... it's a big step ok, to be in the working world. Oh well, maybe I should stop thinking about it, and focus more on the present, yeah, I should. =) ok.

Joanne feels so helpless at times, but she can only do this much.. she has done her best she thinks. She hopes that she hasn't done anything stupid or what though. *smiles*

To dear mummy, and everyone at home, really miss all of you! =) Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya! Take care! *hugs & kisses* mwah!

Alright, haha.. I shall stop babbling and blog some other time! =)

to whom that is reading, I am not crazy, maybe just a lil weird =)

Dear Joanne,

How have you been doing? Hope life has gotten better since I've last heard, less shit I hope. *wink*

I've been busy with Nickelodeon. The station is considering reviewing my show, might cut down from 3 times a day to 2. Ah well, can't always be on the high time all the time, right? Spongebob is still as good, maintaining its TV viewers ratings.

Forgot my backpack the other day, luckily Boots was there with me. We managed to find our way through our explorations the whole day. I guess I am getting tired maybe I should consider resigning and let other girls try out the Dora role, mm? What do you think?

Anyway, I'll stop here for now, do take care, girl! =)

Hugs with love,
Dora.

***

Dear Dora,

I'm doing ok. Ok is just ok... not too good, not too bad, surviving in the pile of shit alright. oops. :p Life still sucks. The thought of the future is bleak. I am not ready yet, totally.. to step into society, leaving the life I have, and such. Honestly, secretly, sometimes I wish I were you.. ever the 7 year old happy bubbly girl!

Weird though, I've never watched a single episode of yours, girl, I feel bad about it. Oh well, I've heard mixed reviews, some find it irritating, some find it interesting. different target group of audiences I guess. haha, no worries about it anyway!

Btw, do u really want to quit Dora role? why not you speak to Spongebob, Jimmy and Peter, see what they say? :) Boots will definitely miss you in the show... I'd say stay for a while to see how it goes from here, give it another shot. Don't get too anxious to grow up! *wink*

Anyway, nice to hear from you, Dora. will stop here. You take good care too!

with love, hugs, & kisses,
Joanne.

some out-of-my-mind moments to speak to myself, again. :P ah well, weird girl I am, but I still have my sanity intact. no worries.. alright.. I should go get some serious work done. wanted to go a for a swim this morning, but, the haze was quite bad went I get out from my room. Anyway, take care everyone, and don't take my crap too seriously. =) *hugs*

Acceptance

let it go girl, you can do it =)
move on from here
whatever the future holds
come what may &
learn to embrace life..

love you, Joanne
take good care girl! :)

a nice song =)

"I Will Follow You Into The Dark"

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

a random disorganized entry

underneath your clothes
there's an endless story

what lies beneath the surface?
things are much more than what you can see on the surface. some await to be discovered, some wish to be remained hidden under the skin forever.

Anyway, I shall stop writing in riddles. this week has been a crazy hectic week. finally got my almost 8 hours of sleep last night. been sleeping like less than 5 hours every night. felt as if almost i'm going to be torn apart. thanks to all my dear friends who tolerate my insaneness.. =)

"How long can I take all these madness.." Joanne wonders.

my heart has changed. or rather my brain? haha...

My point is, things have changed. Everything. caught up with old friends last Friday. felt the distant, sad... I don't want to be trapped in this stupid position! I see myself in their shoes a year later... and I thought, what will happen to me? I'm afraid... because, damn, I don't even know how to express the fear. It's like stepping into a whole new dimension, you will be forced to grow up (I'm not even sure if grow up is the correct term, anyways..) do the things deemed to be 'politically', 'socially', 'generally-agreed' correct.

what fun? there's no fun element in that dimension, i'm sorry girl.

"let's play kite!" said Ruinie.

yeah, let's go play kite! I'm sick and tired of being consumed by the high amount of stress. :S damn. I don't even know a place big and windy enough to fly kite in S'pore... oh man, I want my beach!

A friend told me once, "it happened when you least expect it to.." I suppose so it does. and how often does it happen at the correct time and space? rarely, at least, to me. Oh crap, just forget about it girl... never meant to be anyway. Life is more than just that.. and it's beginning to get into me.

ever the same? impossible. though that would be nice. ^^

workload still lots as usual, fyp first prelim went ok.. though I did ok, I felt bad though. nvm, don't want to talk about it. still have 2 more term papers to go.

people have been acting weirdly around me also.. I guess is the stress level in NUS, keep on increasing, draining out all the happiness, like how a dementor drains out the happiness of a person. I'm just praying that the dementor won't give me the fatal kiss.. *pray*

Maybe I should... (weird, I totally forgot what was I going to say) anyway, just let it be..

Anyway, mummy called, thanks mum, love you! :) felt much better, great to know ah-ma is getting better, news about Amos always make me happy.. haha.. the thought of the 2 brats cheer me up! Joyce, ganbatte! I really dunno what to say, sorry always laugh at you.. :p Jay, working part time at JW now heh, must belanja me makan when I go back k? wish I were home... now that we are all at Spring Garden right.. cool! I really miss those days, btw Jay, let's go fly kite someday when I get back k? *winks*

Haha.. I wonder how many people could comprehend. Never mind.

Just felt like saying thanks to everyone right now... no particular reason. just felt like to.. =) For everything I guess, everything that brought me here today, to who I am.. thank you!

*big hugs*

actually felt little disturbed today, and little tired, BUT (yes, but.. *wink*) I will be ok!

xmy, I really missed those days in PGP.. haha.. I dunno why all of a sudden, am thinking back the old days, I guess because am already in final year, recollecting some past memories. Anyway, will make a point to catch up with you regularly... thanks for always being there for me too! =) my best buddy!

Okay.. shall put a stop here for now! rambling too much... take good care! **

confused state of mind

Joanne doesn't know what she wants of herself anymore.
She plans a LOT. But, she never got the guts to execute any of them.
Joanne ends up consoling herself that whatever will be will be.. which is actually bullshit.
Life doesn't work that way, whatever will be will not be unless you make it the way you want it turn out to be.

Joanne is confusing herself up again.
If the heart speaks of something, should Joanne heed her heart?

OMG, Joanne is complaining and raving again.

"Joanne, can you stop it?"

"Ok."

Joanne has reached the stage of beyond stress, she said it few times.
Maybe she is.
I can't even comprehend Joanne's thoughts anymore.
Perhaps it is time to press the panic button and run!

All these explain the headache I guess.

I get sick and tired of your rants, Joanne. Pick yourself up and live up with all the shit. Life sucks anyway. What do you expect from people, eyes of sympathy? forget about it. People have their own shit to worry about.

Poor Joanne, and all she wants is just an escape plan out of the whole mess. She feels so insecure at the moment. Perhaps... it is the moment to change now.

laundry woes

stupid f****** dryers!

enough said.

alright, time to try my luck on the dryers again, for the 5th time!

silly girl. blog for nothing. just to waste time.

tell Joanne that

she is doing fine,
everything will be all right, &
there will be happy endings.

*warm hugs*

No matter how

No matter how much I say that I don't care,
somewhere deep inside I still do;

No matter how much I convince myself that it's over,
I still hold onto that tiny gleam of hope;

No matter how ridiculous or impossible it may seem,
I still insist on believing it is possible;

No matter how reassuring I am,
in actual fact I am as doubtful as I could be;

No matter how happy I appear to be,
it is merely just a self portrayal;

No matter how many histories have proven wrong,
I am still as stupid as I have always been,
repeating the same mistakes over & over again,
knowing that I will falter,
still, I choose the same road.

No matter how distant the dream may seem,
I do hope that one day it will come true..

Well.. shit happens, so do miracles. =) *smiles*

good & evil

I was rummaging through my stuff, & found this.. written sometime about 6 months ago. =) About the battling of good & evil within an individual self.. how our heart deceives us sometimes, & we get digressed along the way; there are times, I am afraid that I will lose the battle to the devil's advocate & enter the world of darkness.

The little devil speaks of the evil
of plots and scams to cheat and lie

The little angel whispers words of kindness
of joy and happiness to you and I

Do you hear the angel sings?
Or heed the devil's cries?

There is terror in my eyes
fear that courage and hope will die
If that day ever arrives
love will bid the world goodbye (18-04-2006)

Some lame prose I wrote. It's been long since I've been writing such things, I think I'm losing the hang of it. haha.. :p not that I'm anywhere near good with what I'm doing. Oh well...

stop here for now. ciaoz.