mad week

red-running-skin-peeling nose on Monday but still worked til 9pm.
still sick but went to work for half day after going to the doctor on Tuesday.
felt a bit better on Wednesday after 10-hour sleep.
quarreled & scolded somebody on Thursday. played badminton & swam too, needed to let the energy out.
had a nightmare, heart attack & damn foul on Friday. Also, a super full & not-really-wanted-to-attend dinner.
performed magic after another series of heart attacks in the morning on Saturday.
I just want to have a nice relaxing Sunday, can I?

am very tired.

when is my rainbow going to appear? please, I'm so tired of hoping, and being despaired.

I better go to bed now... *yawn* good night people. no nightmares anymore for me please. I need a good slumber.

love, piggy (:

my rainbow's end

I'm waiting for my rainbow's end (:

pray hard.. shh.. please God, thank you.

Joanne has been crying, sniffing, sneezing the whole day.

7 colors, 1 dream. Think far, think far ahead, think beyond this confined space. Joanne can do it. Even if I don't reach the stars, and all I'd got is nothing but just speck of stardust, at least I tried, I came this far. A change will do me good. Whatever it is, I'm grateful, I am. Thank you for everything.

with love, piggy (:

and so she goes again

Joanne has reached her turning point (:

Good thing I'd say. Everything is under controlled.

She has been getting used to her life nowadays. Silly though.. how long it actually takes for her to adapt to a lonelier environment. She's glad she has made it nevertheless. (: And so she goes on with her life... continuing her journey as an independent and brave girl, going after the dream that she left behind for a while when she was bit lost.

The future is not clear for her to see, yet, but at least she knows which direction is she heading to. Perhaps it's another dead end, perhaps it's a rainbow's end, who knows.. whatever it is.. she is determined to walk down that road and see where it leads to.

Life is short and there are so many things to do. She has to thank few people whom she has been talking to recently, for giving her insights and advices on life, of how to see things in a broader perspective, how not to be troubled by petty stuff, how to see the goodness of the big picture rather than to be miserable due to a hairline crack.

Do the things that you have always wanted to do. Don't wait. Money earned is to be spent. But spend wisely, work your budget and plan it well.

Regardless how tired she is, she will not give up. Not now. Someone told me that this is the beginning of a very beautiful phase of my life... seriously, I'm not that hopeful haha, but yes, I am embracing that change alright.

love you darlings, piggy (: HUGS

I surprised myself

of my capability to embrace a quarter of century lived (:

Apathetic is not the right word. I do care, for all you know, I care about everything, but sometimes it is just pointless to point it out when no one can actually sees it but myself. Life is not a mirror for all to see. When one is not IN the situation or a similar situation, one will not understand. Is okay, you don't have to when you could not. Being able to sort certain things out has definitely makes me feel better.

Thank you to all my dear friends, and colleagues. Yes I am happy, thanks guys *hugs*

SYC practice was fun.

Past whole week was just unspeakable. Whatever... seriously, I don't care anymore.

Different I'd say, compared to the past, this marked the end & the beginning of another phase. What awaits in the future is yet to be known, and I only hope for the better. As I have said in my earlier post, hope floats.

Oh and by the way, Happy 21st Birthday dear Joyce (:

nothing understood

Have you ever wondered when is the end?

Ever been hitting rock bottom thousands times until you reach the point, how many more rock bottoms can you hit till it really cracks your head and all become back to nothingness?

There's something stuck down my throat all the way to my chest, someone please dig it out for me?

I apologize if this is another disturbing morbid post... and I'm sorry it has to be an entry after a happy party, a bindaaz party.

You know what's the most disturbing thing about the world? The fact that no one really gives a shit about anything. Seriously.

Joanne feels so useless that she thinks that perhaps she deserves this? for not standing up for herself, for letting herself being trampled all over, for letting herself being weak... for all the reasons that she shouldn't be and not being what she should be.

Nothing comes from nothing. Nothing understood.

(too tired... should just sleep...)

"time kya hai?"

Kurien was so proud of me, Chinese girl speaking Hindi, although only one sentence, I have forgotten the rest of my lessons haha. I gotta learn more than just that.

First Mallu party I went, great food & company (: Thanks Sherene. hugs!

April bad luck? I think so too, first the bungalow, then the We Will Rock You concert. Damn. But is ok.. life moves on. I got used to all the shit happening in my life... I've accepted it, what can you do man, just live with it! haan (:

We just have to learn to live life happily, yes it is a decision, everyone can make that decision (:

"time kya hai?"
"11.37pm yaar"

Haan, running late, so good night, milenge yaar (: love ya Kundi

no more fear (at least for now)

(: YES INDEED.

I do not get nightmares anymore, at least not this week. A friend told me to write some updates here, so here goes.

Work is the same, can't change the situation, change myself (: hmm... have decided on certain things to do. I managed to get into SYC, on probation, seriously have no idea how long I can survive but will give it a try, and there is SEATRU Turtle Research & Rehabilitation Group. I miss my darlings a lot, but life goes on (: good luck and all the best for exams! *HUGS*

Certain things can't wait, and I have decided not to. I'm planning on a vacation, I know I have said this since last month, but is difficult getting people, so I have decided to go somewhere alone. Haven't decided on a destination yet, thinking of beach, or nature (: getaway from the city.

I'm going to do CFA again, yes, again. Study hard for that, will see how it goes and where it leads me to. Whatever will be will be, come what may.

Been wanting to catch up with soccer again, I remembered last year during April I was watching Champions League, not anymore, this year. Hmm... I need to find back the passion and means to get in touch with soccer again.

Oh no more bungalow but at least we cleared some issues and we are leading rather independent lives now, glad that we have made it clear, don't mind me being the bad person, at least I don't have to pretend to be nice and put up with the mean girls. Haha... come to think of it, perhaps I am "the bitch". Oh well.. who cares, whatever.

Bubble burst. That's how I feel. perhaps that's why I was suffocating last week, was like I'm gasping for air, imagine the feeling of bubble burst in a pool of water, running out of air, no security blanket and your lungs are filled with water... you just simply can't breathe. After some time, I grew accustomed to the waters... I'm an amphibian! OMG I'm talking gibberish again! Anyways, yeah, point is, after streaks of disappointments, after hitting rock bottoms, falling into trenches, drowning in the deep valleys... I have had enough of morbidness. Life goes on, nothing to be feared. Just live it, and do it. (:

One last thing, I'm going to climb Mt Kinabalu haha... I don't care... I'm going to do it, alone, been waiting for years for people to go together, and everytime there will be an excuse of not being able to make it. Have been putting off for many years, can't wait anymore... time is running out, I'm not as young as I was 5 years ago, and who knows what will happen in the next 5 years. Haha. Ok, enough, Joanne, go to bed.

Good night people, take care. I miss you all (you know who you all are) BIG HUG.

love, piggy (: