孤寂是一种美丽

我已经可以想像接下来的读书学期是什么样的…
一个又一个的知己和好朋友慢慢毕业了，在学校…
又少了个吃饭的伴，
又少了个学习的伴，
又少了个谈心的伴，
又少了看电视的伴…

不是特别伤感，只是有那么一点点的寂寞。
有时候，觉得有个伴会比较好；也有时候，觉得一个人比较自由。
鸟儿往往就是那么矛盾。^^

大部份的时候人人都不须要担心鸟儿，鸟儿给人的印象就是永远那么的坚强。
他说，鸟儿比一般女孩儿坚强、独立…（当然啦，鸟儿怎么可跟人们比呢？哈哈，废话太多了。）

其实，一个人吃饭，看电视，学习也没什么不好。^^ 至于谈心嘛，也没什么的。最多拨个电话回家就行了。想想回头，孤寂也算是一种幸福吧。
孤寂就是说你曾经是幸福的（世上有多少人是根本不认识＂幸福＂），
孤寂或许是有很多人在关心你的（只是不在身边），
孤寂是自由的幸福，
孤寂是成长的过程，
只有在孤寂的时刻才能自我反省，
适当的孤寂能让人定性…
孤寂─她也是一种美丽。

所以说呢，自己总算是只幸福的鸟儿。不苛求太多，只求鸟儿关心的每一个人都永远健康、天天开心；幸福永随在身边。^^

2 scares in one week!

what else... sigh... I don't need to say everyone also will know what happened. stupid girl... until this very day still get frightened by that little pest. no matter how blind darkness it is... I still can see it... really dunno in my previous lives what I did to it... now is retribution time.

Almost everyone says I must learn to overcome.. but each scare just make my efforst go back twice... sigh... is so difficult to move forward without looking back at it. what can I say more... just pray hard... I really don't want to get another scare! sobs... ;(

self-learn economics

thumbs up to me ah.. best liao.. I dunno what did I do, how I managed to 吐出 3 pages of economics evaluation report. Seriously, I do not know what am I writing... like a 笑 girl... flipping the pages of 600+ pages textbooks, trying to read, digest, understand, and take out whatever relevant to write in my report... 神经病！I hope I am writing the correct thing... (keep fingers crossed). Luckily Janice agreed to help me vet thru... haha... but dunno yet, sekali she feedbacks to me all tak boleh pakai means my Saturday went to the big sea liaoz... :S walao... can't imagine I faced the computer 8 hours straight, I'm not computing student lei...

sobz... eyes getting watery, again. Honestly, I think my eyes sight is getting worse.. :(

Anyway, I need a break now! Pray hard that everything will be 顺顺利利 and be over as soon as possible... 加油 to xmy too!! going to be over very soon =)

忙碌

最近一直在忙碌。忙碌究竟为了什么？寻找答案？追求学历？理想？金钱？享受？

愈来愈渴望可以真心的过日子。生活越来越复杂，见了都觉得疲累。人与人之间有太多的猜疑，人人都在带着面具。真可悲。几时才能从见光明的一日？

Too much competition makes people old and cold. It is sad to see such phenomenon everywhere... 到底你是别人的竞争者，还是自己的竞争者？It will never come to an end. Mankind are fighting and competing against mankind. Trust are no longer established. Where do this lead us? A better life? I doubt so. 人呀，到底在忙碌些什么？

stupid

I just realized capacitor needs sinusoidal signal to function... circuit board can work in AC signal too! stupid girl... better dun tell people I am engineering student. I really dunno what am I doing here...

Thursday

It is the rainy season now.. makes one so lazy, a good sleep is all I want every time I see my bed. Still have quite a number of things to finish up.. 2 more presentations and one project report. 5 examinable modules... all spread out between 16th Nov to 30th Nov... 2 weeks!!! sienz...

Keep telling myself the same old thing, one semester after next..."I must study hard, and do better than last semester.." sighs..

Today is the last official choir practice of this semester.. glad is over and finally a break. Since when I wanted break so much from choir? Attending choir practices are very very different now... walked back in the rain after choir practice just now.. :S very cold and a bit drenched.

Suddenly felt so hungry.. only then I realised I have only eaten lunch today... sair...

After a warm nice bath, I had a warm cup of milo.. My hot milo and my ginger biscuits were really satisfying. such simple food just taste exceptionally delicious when you are hungry.. ;)

There goes my Thursday...

yoghurt with aloe vera

Wenhui gave me yoghurt.. haha.. nice of her. ;) even though it's aloe vera... I accepted it and thank her.. is the heart that counts..
"how often you get nice neighbour who gives you yoghurt?"
Anyway ^^ tried it and it taste Delicious!

Thanks!!

Lone*stAr

思念是一种很玄的东西 如影 随形…
无声又无息出现在心底 转眼 吞没我在寂寞里
我无法抗拒特别是在夜里…
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I saw a lonestar tonight... the moon out shone its brightness, but nevertheless the lonestar is significant to me... dunno why the attraction of me towards the lonestar.. Probably is the sense of closeness..

As if someone watching over me from up above, I felt a tinge of warmth... somewhere out there, there is something that gives me a sense of familiarity amongst the wide universe. That particular lone*star kept shining brightly despite the starless sky...

Where are all the stars? have they gone to bed or have they hid themselves behind the layers of clouds.. I cannot help but wonder. The cosmos is filled with uncertainty and mystery... at one moment it's cloudy.. at another moment it's clear and red, like in rage... at next it'll be clear blue with tinge of purple gives one a feeling of calm n peace... at times it'll be a starry night.. or just a lonestar with the moon, like tonight.

While contemplating the lone star on my walk back to Tower Block.. I felt a sense of similarity between lonestar and me. ^^ dunno what does that meant... just a great appeal to it. Perhaps that is my lonestar... * during nights like this, lonestar is the one that accompanies me.. and listen to what my heart has to say.

Will I still see you again tmr... my lonestar? I wonder..

"perhaps.. even if not, you know that I will always be up there looking over you.." Lone*stAr

a friend's quote

A good friend just told me this.."life is meaningful when u know how to appreciate it... we live for everyone who have been supportive to us all these while...n we could never bear to let them down..."
He is right to a certain extent I guess... :) It is true that it is how you view life that makes life meaningful...

I do believe in dreams.. and I also believe that if one really has done his/her best... he/she shouldn't care about whatever is the result or outcome... sometimes it is some of the things along the process that we have gained that are even more valuable than the end result. *:) I believe in many things... and these believes of mine that give me faith that life is indeed meaningful & beautiful...

Now & Then

When I look back into the past... I find life is really an irony...

In secondary/high school... Back then...
..belong to group of ppl who are the significant ones... teachers know us... and we are the so-called more "popular" clique in class..
..name will be called out most of the time in class...
..the teacher will sometimes separate us 'cos we are too noisy or create too much chaos... haha...
..most of the teachers like us and know our names...
..was once belong to the smart and fun ppl...
..will be solving problems till 4am and still happily doing it... next day still can present in class...

Today... in NUS...
..am in the quiet and passive group of ppl... seldom speak out in class... became the boring ones...
..what name? haha... the name even kena miscalled at times...
..the teacher doesn't even care to bother...
..teachers do not dislike nor favor us... I am just insignificant...
..am a slow, blurr and stupid girl...
..yes... still doing work till outrageous hours... but will be wasting hours trying to solve that few Q and never able to get the answers and dunno really what's happening... only end up in giving up and go n copy answer in class... forget about presenting answers... don't go throw face can le...

What a contrast!! haha... I say... isn't life an irony? Life is a cycle... 曾经是座高山，今日只是片平原。

But one thing never changed... I am still me... *:) just my environment changed. I am now in a much more challenging world... where all the 神(s) are... actually I should be happy to be able to be here with the gods and goddesses. I may not be one of them but at least I am amongst them. :) maybe one day... some kind god/goddess will enlighten 鸟儿。Really tired competing and trying to be one of them... I will just do my best and hope that one day my hardwork will 感动 the sky... haha... really crap la me...

why ppl do improve but I am not? I feel so stagnant at times... is like 逆水行舟 here in NUS... going at a constant flowrate same as the stream flow will just keep you in that position... relax a bit... will go downstream... a bit lazy will end up sending myself into the sea... then to the ocean... and by then is bye-bye lost forever... will never get into the stream ever again. So, don't even think of stop rowing the boat... don't think at all! just keep rowing and 加油... till die also must keep rowing... haha... siao4 liao girl... 山重水复疑无路，柳暗花明又一村。I just need to find that village... ;)

Actually, I should be grateful for all the things.. yes, I should... *:) 开开心心做平原吧！

A nEw daY**

After a sick and lazy weekend, I should be recovering right now... only down with a slight flu now. I was getting a lot of sleep and rest over the weekend, just to get myself better. *or perhaps just an excuse to laze? :P* Anyway woke up feeling fresh today... :) but still a bit in a blurr mode, wore the wrong slippers to the toilet :S n mistaken shampoo for body foam... haha... nvm... need to excuse this getting-old-absent-minded girl. *winkz*

Hope all things go well, and I'm looking forward to a good week ahead, I hope. ^^ [keep fingers crossed] oh, I'm going to sneeze again.. a-choo! haha... k, off to school, have a great day girl!

lucky girl

would just like to say... despite all the odds and mishaps... I am still so much luckier than the other majority of the people in the world. Don't complain, live life well and with zest! :) I may be tired, sad, sick, stress... but what are my misfortunes compared to the others? I have my happy days, I have fun-loving family and friends, I have joy and love in life. I may not have them all 24/7. But there are many people who live in deprive of all those and yet they still live strong in hope that one day their rainbow will appear after the rain.

"Life includes both rain and shine.But never forget this fact: It takes both rain and shine to make a RAINBOW."

I am a lucky girl.

May It Be

May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home

Mornie utulie ((Quenya:) Darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie ((Quenya:) Darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

May it be the shadow's call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

Mornie utulie ((Quenya:) Darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie ((Quenya:) Darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

A promise lives within you now
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may it be whatever will be... I'll do my best
even when the road is tough I'll still be strong
believe and I will find my way... :)
wish everyone the same too! don't give up!