c.o.o.L.d.o.w.n

dunno what made me so stressed up and upset... I feel that I am full of hipocrisy.. and I hate myself for that. :( I lost control of myself... stupid me. spilling out everything... and covering spilt soup with what?? a mouth full of lies? I felt horrible. ok, enough. please don't ask me what was that. period.

I felt slightly better after dinner. Thanks a lot to Gina! =) She cooked porridge for us... how sweet and thoughtful of her. First time in 3 years, I actually felt warm and caring life in hostel. I am very grateful to be blessed with angels sent from heaven everytime when times are bad...

Going to miss choir damn lot... arghh... NUSchoir is my only refuge for my crazy-hectic-insane-outrageous workload. But... but... but... this Saturday will mark the end of this academic year of choir. sad... I am. I don't want choir to end... I'm going to miss all my best brothers and sisters in choir... sobz... the altos seniors especially. I don't want to walk down the year 4 road in choir alone... but... I know you girls were once there singing alongside with me for 3 years and I really appreciate that.

Yes, cool down now. but still bit agitated and frustrated. I'll die one day, of unduly amount of stress in life! heck!

Alright, will start studying now... good luck and all the best everyone! May we make this VV another memorable one, ya! =)

...

living in a grey world
under the shadows of unknowns
caught in between black and white
I am entrapped
desire to breakfree enslavements of attachments

LUCID

yet it all sound so mentally disturbed

Such paradoxically phrased words!
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I woke up today feeling bright and merry looking forward to a brand new day. Never had I thought it'd ended such miserably, lost of hope and faith... in some of the works.
Don't think about it... what will be will be... and whatever it is, there will always be a way. I do hope so... I really do. This is worse than dying... having the thought of almost to be dead but not fully dead, but going through much torments... Do you get what I mean???

****!
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[I'm fine. just pissed of with my stupidity and lost of interest... time to get back to the real world. to whomever reading this... thank you!]

Illusion

Time
An illusion?
Perhaps... for it can't be seen,
can't be touched,
can't be felt,
can't be smelt,
can't be sensed,
can't be heard,
can't be imagined,
can't be grasped..

But then, everyone is fighting against time,
chasing after time,
battling with time,
struggling to outwit time...

If time is an illusion, it is not even there...
when you are there it won't be there anymore.

Confusing myself... :S

I ought to do someting else better than thinking about some illusion

Oh no... I'm running out of time to finish my work!

Time again... there never will be enough time anyway...

Time is like holding water with your 2 palms... no matter how hard you clasp your hands together, water will still seep thru and within few seconds, all the water is gone.

It seems to be there, but then again, at the same time it never was there with you...

weekend escapade

destination: home
duration: 2 days
ratings: 5 stars

It was a stress-free weekend at home. tired. yes. but it was very reliefing. I got good food, good rest, no contact with outside world [my stress-related studies], leisure reading (finished a book), simple family get-together, nice long walks at the beach...
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I want to get a life out of this whole mess. I don't want to do this crappy-heading-no-where-wasting-time project. So freaking stressed up! grrr... I've lost the control panel of my life, I want it back!!! It's so helpless, looking my life heading to some unknown-bleak destination whilst I have no say in the direction I want to go.

One day I'll lose my head because of this load of shite!
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Back to reality. I cut my finger. accidentally. damn. While I'm figuring out what to do with my life ahead... I still have tonnes of work waiting for me to finish in few weeks.

Awesome. Welcome to the real world, kid!

Good luck!

Blink

Been like a chaos these few weeks... zoom... time flies, and it's week 6 of the term!!!

Lost again. Will do my best in finding my ways through.

I'd say there are many changes this semester... in all aspects. school. family. friends.

Not that change is bad. Changes are new challenges.

Keep moving forward... walk down the roads of life gracefully.

Blink. Time flies... Do not fret about the past, and not to worry about the future. Treasure each moment at present and live the best out of it. =)