Are you sure you know how to lead my life?

"you should have done this..."
"no, this is not the way.."
"why aren't you listening to me.. you'll regret later.."
"trust me, I am older and wiser and more experienced.."

Do these sound familiar to you? It does to me. Everyone seems to know how to tell another to lead their lives but not their own? Oh, get a life.

It's a world full of authoritarians.

Yes, it is sickening. indeed.

People learn from their own mistakes, and some said it's better to learn from other's mistakes. But what doesn't work for you, doesn't mean that it won't work for me. Do you see where I'm getting to? Ultimately, it is the process that counts, we gain different knowledge and experiences from different things. I still believe the end is always the same for everyone. But the process of life is different, and that is the only thing you can do something about it.

what is pride?

check this out more on pride from wikipedia. Yeah, it's not an entirely reliable source at all, oh well... just a fun read.

Pride is more than just being egoistic, vanity, self-centredness, patriotic, attention-seeker...

Just been thinking about it lately, if there is a price for "pride" how much will it be?

I'm just asking for humbleness is that too much to ask for?

tired of being trapped by the shadow of pride
seeing people betraying their true self
for the sake of their pride,
to maintain their status quo
is humbleness too much to ask for?

Sometimes things become so used to, so much so that people never realise what has become of them.

when pride eats up a person's soul, there will never be love resides in the heart. And that will be the saddest thing that'll ever happen.

I pray... for humbleness of mankind. =)

how much does "pride" worth?

lone ranger

what's the idea of lone ranger sounds like? fun, no? I think it's perfectly cool if I had the money and to travel where ever I like. I have the long holidays, but not enough liquid cash & no green lights to go back packing by myself!

can't even go travelling within the states.

family? friends? everyone has their own lives. It's not really nice to bug them all the time anyways...

there are people whom you think you'd really get along with, share the same interest.. but then, the time just ain't right for you to be together to do something fun.. or simple to share your common interest.

birds fly in flock.. but why am I always ended up stranded in the middle of the crowd so helplessly. yeah, a lone ranger does blend in well in the crowd. no one ever notices you; and, your are insignificant.

--the thoughts of a lone ranger--

summer cleaning

me and my bro reorganize the furnitures at home. we moved the 2 computers out from back room; one to upstairs, the other one at the living room. connected all pcs with wireless network. [not me, my bro, the IT technician ;)] we moved some damn heavy cupboards, clear up quite some mess, and now the back room looks more spacious.

quite a day. tiring. but satisfactory. =)

though was bit upset and mad cos of some stupid incidents.. but nvm.. like what my bro said, we do not have a choice but to put up with it, regardless of whether we like it or not.

there are some other places we have yet cleared, might do it tomorrow if we're not so tired. heh.

Anyway, Argentina lost to Germany. stupid. arghh.. maybe I should just stop watching world cup. or perhaps I should support the underdogs - Portugal.

Answered prayers

My prayers were answered
Perhaps there is God after all
or maybe there is a great force of the universe
that help those who are in dire

I've got a room in RVR Tower Block!
a great sense of relieve
you have no idea what joy this is to me

Thank you OSA
for giving me shelter for the next 12 months
in my academic year in NUS.


If there is a God, thank you!

desperate

ever felt so lost?
ever felt so uncertain?
ever felt so afraid for nightfall?

I'm desperate of getting a place to live
OSA rejected my appeal
I'm on the edge of the brink

My final year in school
My only chance to mark my life in NUS...
taken away from me

I still wanna be in NUS Choir
I still wanna have my campus life
The only semester I thought my life in NUS will get better
everything just went wrong!

I am tired of asking myself "why me..."
I am tired of hoping.. and get disappointed in return

Am I so not deserved an opportunity?

why me...

teach me please

Option A: (earn 6MC and left with 26MC for the final year)
- continue working long hours(Saturdays half day) for 12 weeks till 28th Jul with allowance of RM10 a day.
- most of the time work == doing NOTHING. really nothing. the simplest way I can put it is, I sold my hours to the company for RM10 a day to just to make up the numbers. arghh!!! Days I have work to do are best I don't care even if it's photo-copying work!
- left with only one SU option to be used in semester 7 or never ever.

Option B: (32MC in the final year)
- continue working long hours (Saturdays half day) till end of June with allowance of RM10 a day.
- fail to earn 6MC but the working experience still makes my resume looks good.
- a month to catch up with life, holidaying, reading books, learn Jap & photoshop!! (a bit too big heart.. me.. siao!) -- my final 3-month vacation!
- 2 SU options left to be used in final year.

to whomever that is reading this:
teach me please... I'm so fickle minded. I'm very much settled with option B but option A is what most of the people are doing... see... peer pressure and influence!! damnit. Forget about the road less taken... grr... no time for poetry now.
haha... sorry if I sound too harsh. I guess I just want to get more views on this matter. I'm afraid I'm clouded by my own visions.

thank you to whomever that responds... I wonder who ever reads my blog anyway.. hmm..

1st day of internship

sucks!!

didn't even bother to say much about it.

I'm supposed to do classifications of parts in the store on a computer.. why? cos it's in a huge mess!! know what's the challenging part?? the computer. everything in it is in chinese (traditional)... woo-hoo!! superfabulicious!!! exciting!!! The files containing the inventories are disorganized as well.. oh well, that's what I'm for right.. to do the shit. yeah. fine. Seriously I dun mind at all.. really.

No, is no stress at work. but it just makes you feel more stupid. so damn boring.. to put it bluntly. I am paid RM10 per day to destroy my vacation... sad... I so feel like crying... please whoever is free come entertain this poor little girl... come visit me.. come talk kok to me.. come make me laugh like lark.. arghh.. I wanna be free like a bird!!!

Counting down my days to liberty...

Miss the choir peeps soo much... unagi & teriyaki are my source of entertainment now.. yes, and my beach... Joanne's beach. I go there every evening...

Tmr is only my 2nd day... 81 days to 28th July...

undecided

gonna start working on Monday.. yes, it's tmr! grrr!!

My life for the next 2 or 3 months (undecided yet) working on Mon - Fri, 8am - 5.45pm; Sat 8am - 12noon. RM10 per day is all I get. Awesome!! I so look forward to such lucrative job and exciting holidays! WhAAAt.. argh!!

No vacation for me this hols.. can I at least squeeze in one or two short trips during weekends? I really hope I can work something out.

yeah, I think I shall just register and claim 6MC for my internship... after much thought and advices received.

I miss Singapore. yes, I actually feel that. the people. yeah. the NUS choir and a bunch of good hall mates.

really hope I can sing for FIC thsi time. though I'll be working like till the end of July... sigh.

Oh.. did I mention I missed my 1.30pm bus on Friday? haha.. stupid me. yep, but luckily I haven't paid for it. However, cab fare cost me a bomb in my pocket! I caught the 2pm bus home instead. Anyway, an Irish guy was seating next to me on my journey back.. and we chatted.. pleasant journey home I'd say.. got someone to talk to who shares common interests - travel, soccer and music! haha.. I'm quite enticed by his photos and stories of his backpacking in SEA the angkor wat especially. damn. I so want to go tour around Asia.. and it's not that expensive compared to other places. oh well.. I'll just wait for next hols then..

wait wait and wait... sigh.. when will that day even arrive.. so many things/opportunities passed by just because I wanted to wait. For what damn reason... I wouldn't really know. failed to convince myself sometimes.

What will one do when he reaches a stop? does he stop and rest or move on in hope to reach a better stop furtherdown the journey of life? it's hard to decide isn't it.. which point to stop in life and start a new journey.

I guess all of us learn through the hard way.. haha.. what hard way.. ambiguity again!! stupid girl me.

Alright.. will just stop here and cut all the crap!

the stars are my companion
I am lost in the woods
should I heed the stars
or whispers of the wind
or the nature calls of the woods
or the cries of the animals
or just to my heart
which is as agitated as it master

perhaps there never will be a correct path
maybe all options lead me out the woods
it may be a common end point
but different journey

how would one know which is the best
when one is lost...

life is a gamble when one is in the woods
do I heed the stars or whispers of the wind

silently I pray & wish for daylight to arrive.

=)

plain day

woke up late... 10.30am. was reluctant to get up.

called Mr Kuah from LIKOM. ok, they said will give me my training schedule asap. keep my fingers crossed.

called transit link. I need to go Jurong East to do my Concession Card.

Apparently, I can suspend my mobile phone service.. cool. I didn't know that. haha.. anyway decided to go West Mall m1 customer service office to pay outstanding bill & further enquiries about my mobile phone plan service.

Ok, it's lunch time already. Too bad chaiyen was sick. couldn't meet for lunch. Vida had packed lunch. Angel was meeting someone else for lunch. Gina wasn't back yet. Gui was in Hougang. My msn list's people are either having exams, or away. hmm.. ok, haha.. Erik is online. try my luck. Great, had lunch with him, again, in Arts Canteen. =)

went to KR Terminal wanted to catch bus 183 to Jurong East. waited quite sometime.. I think they have terminated their service to stop at KR Ter. :S stupid me... I can't remember the last time I took 183. nvm. haha.

met Dr Julius at bus stop. haha.. it was something I've never done before. I had a casual talk with my lecturer!! wow.. haha. ok.. I'm not crazy. but yeah.. it's something new to me. His bus arrived and he left. :) interesting encounter.
yep, I want to learn Jap. and thanks for the encouragement. ok, haha.. I'll take your advice, perhaps I'll visit the Singapore Arts Musuem one day. ;) I can't help to say this, but Arts lecturers are different from my usual Engineering lecturers.

183 never arrived. so I decided to go West Mall first, 189. alright.. what a boring narrative story of my day.. I decided to stop and shall not write on further.

Back in my room now. :) feeling quite contented with all things that have been done. hmm.. should I buy "The World Is Flat" promotional price $26.20 less 20%... that'd be $21!!! haha... ok, maybe I will.

*:) now.. night time.. hmm.. dunno what to do yet.. but yeah, will try to go for a run tonight! ciaoz.

untitled

As much as I'd like to do things I love
there's equally as much of me that wants to contradicts myself

Life is overwhelmed by emotions
excitements! disappointments...
happiness! sorrows...
the fun with crowd!
the loneliess of solitary...
surge of laughter!
streams of tears...

surprises, anticipations, predictabilities, nightmares...

Ahh.. mental block again!

loneliness in the middle of the night... Miss Lonely signs out. night... =)

thank you for being kind :)

I'm convinced of the presence of goodness :)

no matter how shitty life is
there will always be goodness
within the complexity of life

our lives are crossed
interwoven by invincible threads

However

I believe

kindness exists in all being

*:)

thanks to siowling, and my kind neighbours who helped me moved my stuff.

perhaps it is my encounter that influenced my thoughts on the general good of people.. whether it is true or otherwise, I really would like to believe there is at least a minimal goodness in everyone =)

panic!

It's been raining heavily every afternoon, accompanied by lightnings & thunders... Days are tormenting nearing days of judgment. Everyone is mugging very hard each day... I have sought to studying like 10 hours a day!!! This is a crazy life I must say!

having a mental block right now. can't think. can't study. nothing enters my stupid head.

$^*(^$%#!%$#$)*&)(*&%!%@#^$%

Solitude

It's weird how life is an irony.. I spent most of my day in solitude.

At certain points of time, I felt I'm the most minute, insignificant being on the planet. I was out alone in the open... for the most of the day. Yes, the feeling got worse when the weather turned bad. Imagine this, out in the forum, all alone, trying very very hard to study... and the weather turned bad, the sky was gloomy, the place was dark... it's difficult to study at such light deprived area. and the exact thought to be stuck up in a place alone in such a weather, is no good at all.

When you needed someone, where is the most important thing in life when you needed the most? I always comfort myself that the love of my family resides firmly in my heart =) it makes me feel better. Friends are great :) but I've learned not to expect anything from them, thus I won't feel so bad about myself.. pity huh.

the face behind the veil

the tears behind the eyes
the sorrows behind the tears

the loneliness behind the laughters
the fear behind the courage

the guise of being happy
the pretense of being joyous

the day is gone
the master of the veil is tired
the veil is removed

My day of solitude.

distraction from routine

My friends and I went out for supper cum night car ride just a while ago...

I realised interesting things about my friends... haha... one outing can tell many things.

Not implicating that they are good or bad but ya.. interesting, it just show how different people are yet we are so alike in many ways.. :)

We went to M's friend T's house to see his fish. I may seem naive, but yes, it is the first time I enter a house through an elevator.. yup, the elevator is just at his front door. such security! good? bad? it has its pros and cons.. haha.. and not to mention how much his fish cost.. but yep, they were beautiful.

Later we went to Geylang for supper. I tried the famous dao huei + you tiao + mee sua really full sia.. haha. I love the dao huei. After that we went to have a walk round Geylang area, ya.. there were many of them tonight.. perhaps cos it's public holiday? better business? hmm.. I dunno. I just knew that it is a legal activity, another interesting thing to note.

V was rather disturbed by the people.. hmm.. ok, I wasn't totally comfortable. I just have nothing to comment about that, except that some of them are actually quite pretty. =) haha...

We went to ECP for a walk. We saw a couple embracing by the beach, in front of their tent, with candles litted on the sandy beach... haha... romantic? I dunno... G said she'll never do that with her bf, M. Haha. impractical, that's what she said. M & Z are more interested than us girls.. haha.. they stood so near the tent we nearly thought they'll get scolded for interrupting their ambience!!

M is a skilful driver. period. haha.. I guess that statement understates his ability. He deserves more credit than that? I dunno. perhaps I'm old.. I disagree with the way he drives.

One more thing.. they have another different interest.. visiting scary places? erm.. I'm a timid person. I just said I'll give it a pass.. and so we didn't.

I also came to know V actually likes fast driving too.. and she is more "engineer" oriented than I am.. wow.. I feel like such a loser.. I shouldn't call myself an engineering student.

well, that was my few hours break from my routine night of mugging.. it was quite "insightful" after all.. hahah!!

Thanks M&G :) for inviting me along to their mini outing..

sad news

Just few hours ago.. the card that my best friend sent has arrived. Minutes ago, I received sms from my best friend that her cousin met with a car accident and passed away... ':(

Life's so fragile.. I'm really sorry to hear the news girl.. do take care and I'll see you soon back in Melaka..

May he rest in peace.

Be strong in life, and treasure every moment, we never know what's going to happen next.

And to those family and friends who drive, do be extra careful on the road... Take good care.

I've got mail!

Thanks to Wei... :) my best friend from Melaka! It's been ages I've received anything thru mail... ever since the dot.com revolution... all of a sudden, everyone is tech/computer/internet savvy! Who else actually bothers to send a birthday card thru the mail when the e-card is just a clic away.. and most of all it's free!!
no hassle!!
no stamps!!
no need going down to the post office!!
no worries of ur mail got lost in transportation or worse still in end up in some other continent!!

But...

I still like the old ways somehow.. yep, told you I'm old.. I'm not turning 23 for nothing you know :p

okie... tmr's got a tutorial presentation, will try my best lar.. and yes, study hard for exams!! although it seems impossible with such limited time, BUT... just gotta try..

All the best to everyone too!! ;)

prime 23

Happy birthday to mE... 23 is a prime age. =) why so.. I have yet to think of the answer.. apart from 23 being a prime number. :p

From the bottom of my heart, much thanks to all my family & friends, all well wishers, the cards, prezzies, sms(es), calls, dinners, e-card, e-mail, msg(es), etc... I love you all too & to everyone in Melaka, yes, we will meet up soon.. very soon! ;)

Yes, it IS True that my sister and I share the same birthday. :) cool. awesome.

went for FNA consultation today.. it was ok, I really like our tutor.. I dunno why. haha.. She's a nice woman.

Automation lecture was the same. boring.

Exams start next Friday, and I'm in no position to go for exams. Help.

23. Beckham's number. mum's birthdate.

once past 20, it means only one thing.. the embarkment towards 30. how exciting!

I wonder will I still be this crazy at 30... I am not the crazy lass of the teenager anymore now. tamed down a lot.

My tutor told me this today.. "when you reach 30 do not be afraid if you were to switch career, (most of the time, what you study now is determine by the teenager in you while you were in high school), now, when you reach 30, do you still trust a teenager's decision or a mid-lifer's decision?" interesting philosophy ain't? heh..

ok.. that's about it. I have yet to know how to re-write the word IDE (I dread exams!) into DIE (Death is eternal!) til then.. what is so prime about life?

well.. think about it, meanwhile, sweet dreams! nitez...

season of birds, once again...

It is over finally, after one whole year... =) Design project ended on quite a good note. There's another presentation in May.. but I won't be available.

Amazing how time flies.. Birds fly too..

Been freaking busy this whole academic year.. haven't started studying officially for my exams!! great! tell me what I'm gonna do with my life...

had a really bad dream last night.. deaths.. enough said.

Finally completed my Automation term paper, considering the effort I put in just for a mere 20%, hmm.. a bit unjustifiable. haha.. nvm, at least I learn a little about automated pharmacy system.

got back my religion term paper on Friday, got a C for that. It's 30%. Yes, I am sad & disappointed all right. I did put in effort & time for it, but.. perhaps I just have to work triple or more harder than everyone else to be on par.

Decided to watch xmy's dvd "The Three Caballeros" (= yes, really entertaining.. haha.. face it, I got a bit excited watching cartoon character birds.. they are just adorable!

Still got quite a lot of schedules coming week.. doesn't feel like exam is approaching.. which is BAD! real BAD! Exam IS coming!! and that is the FACT!

This chapter will come to an end soon.. in May. and it'll be the season of birds, once again... to be free and to fly home*