This piggy ran 10km in approx 1 hr 20mins (: non-stop. It's in the record of piggy's achievements to date.
HAPPY (: She's happy, really. and she got to thank SinHui for talking her into running 10km instead of 5km, for believing in her.
met Gina in the Padang too, one of my running buddies when I was still in NUS. Thanks to her too, for being my running partner despite being the slow one all the time.
Quite few decisions have to be made soon but I think I can handle it. (: should I do it now or next year? plans have to be made.. lest direction has to be set. About time to book and plan for mount climbing trip as well (:
Perhaps she'd go for the next Great Eastern All Women run in Oct.
Indeed life has been happier, less miserable, or rather, more fulfilled with busy schedules.
Yes life sucks, but it's just the matter of how you look at it. I miss home, and there's one thing that I still cling onto hope for, which is to go home happily to where I live. Don't think that's going to happen soon, not in the next 9 months. I'm looking forward to a good change that's it.
p.s. The Dark Knight is AWESOME (: it's a MUST watch.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
reading people
is harder than I thought.
Running 10km would be much easier than reading people.
The conversation got me thinking a lot about myself, again. He has offered many windows of opportunity at that moment, as time passes, the windows are closing. But then again, no one really knows what's outside the window, bed of roses or bed of daffodils? I decided I shouldn't make hasty decision back there, I listened attentively and remember and learn.
Joanne couldn't. As much as she thinks she wants to, she doesn't think she could. She would miss the people, definitely, but she couldn't stay there. She has to move on. She feels stagnant already only in less than a year. It isn't a good sign. She will work on it (: she promised herself to. She has her plans and gradually realizing it.. but it is saddening to see the friendships she has forged might just be a passing facade in life.
How many friendships built actually last for life? Joanne knows nothing lasts forever, but somehow she would love to give herself some room for doubt and proves the world wrong that some things do lasts forever like the love of a mother to her child ((:
I love you mum. HUGS.
So a friend advised me about the dogs-eat-dogs world, thanks a lot bro (I know you don't like to be called bro, take your pick, it's either bro or dad, yes you don't have many options, haha) I hate to admit it but I think I do not want to know who's the dog with the sharpest teeth out there, might be anyone close to me. You, him, or her, anyone.
SMILE (: Joanne is content, glad & at peace.
Reading people is something she has grown quite fond of and she would continue reading people.
with loves & hugs (:
Running 10km would be much easier than reading people.
The conversation got me thinking a lot about myself, again. He has offered many windows of opportunity at that moment, as time passes, the windows are closing. But then again, no one really knows what's outside the window, bed of roses or bed of daffodils? I decided I shouldn't make hasty decision back there, I listened attentively and remember and learn.
Joanne couldn't. As much as she thinks she wants to, she doesn't think she could. She would miss the people, definitely, but she couldn't stay there. She has to move on. She feels stagnant already only in less than a year. It isn't a good sign. She will work on it (: she promised herself to. She has her plans and gradually realizing it.. but it is saddening to see the friendships she has forged might just be a passing facade in life.
How many friendships built actually last for life? Joanne knows nothing lasts forever, but somehow she would love to give herself some room for doubt and proves the world wrong that some things do lasts forever like the love of a mother to her child ((:
I love you mum. HUGS.
So a friend advised me about the dogs-eat-dogs world, thanks a lot bro (I know you don't like to be called bro, take your pick, it's either bro or dad, yes you don't have many options, haha) I hate to admit it but I think I do not want to know who's the dog with the sharpest teeth out there, might be anyone close to me. You, him, or her, anyone.
SMILE (: Joanne is content, glad & at peace.
Reading people is something she has grown quite fond of and she would continue reading people.
with loves & hugs (:
Thursday, July 10, 2008
on maintenance in life..
It requires too much effort to maintain too many friends. I would be content to just have that few handful of close friends that I could always count on till the day I hear O Magnum playing in the background on "the" day. (: Yes I guess I will be happy to have just that.
Cycle of friendship continues. Anticipation, BFF, taking for granted, disappointment, then it ceased. It's a sad cycle... then you need to gather more courage to start it all over again. And so it goes on and on again... and then you hit a point, you no longer want to be involved anymore, and so you would choose to distant yourself from people. That's sad. But that's life. Is either you pick it up and go on, or you shut it out and keep a distant.
To maintain a friendship requires much effort, and sometimes you just don't have the energy to do it anymore.
Haha... Joanne is really full of madness. It's resurfacing I tell you. Joanne bought zoo biscuits to make herself happy at work, and made everyone who ate it to identify the biscuits before gobbling down. LOL.
Oh well, you don't find many retarded mad girls these days. (: Be glad that you know one. Haha.
Goodnight people (: HUGS
Cycle of friendship continues. Anticipation, BFF, taking for granted, disappointment, then it ceased. It's a sad cycle... then you need to gather more courage to start it all over again. And so it goes on and on again... and then you hit a point, you no longer want to be involved anymore, and so you would choose to distant yourself from people. That's sad. But that's life. Is either you pick it up and go on, or you shut it out and keep a distant.
To maintain a friendship requires much effort, and sometimes you just don't have the energy to do it anymore.
Haha... Joanne is really full of madness. It's resurfacing I tell you. Joanne bought zoo biscuits to make herself happy at work, and made everyone who ate it to identify the biscuits before gobbling down. LOL.
Oh well, you don't find many retarded mad girls these days. (: Be glad that you know one. Haha.
Goodnight people (: HUGS
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
this little piggy...
this little piggy went to the market,
this little piggy stayed at home,
this little piggy had some roast beef,
and this little piggy had none,
this little piggy cried "wee wee wee...
I can't find my way home.
(: my dearest mum used to read to me when I was young. it was a lovely childhood indeed.
My first book was - the pig jumps (:
Haha... what's with me and all the pig business? and so it figures I'm piggy (:
***
can't find her way home... it used to always end with laughter and giggles in my mum's warm embrace.
Joanne, just do it and do your best. You will find your way through the labyrinth... hang in there. HUGS.
LOVES, piggy (:
this little piggy stayed at home,
this little piggy had some roast beef,
and this little piggy had none,
this little piggy cried "wee wee wee...
I can't find my way home.
(: my dearest mum used to read to me when I was young. it was a lovely childhood indeed.
My first book was - the pig jumps (:
Haha... what's with me and all the pig business? and so it figures I'm piggy (:
***
can't find her way home... it used to always end with laughter and giggles in my mum's warm embrace.
Joanne, just do it and do your best. You will find your way through the labyrinth... hang in there. HUGS.
LOVES, piggy (:
Thursday, July 03, 2008
one has to do what one got to do
sometimes the options are not for us to choose. just do it.
joanne will stop.
there's a new direction she guessed... with new strength probably she can walk down that road, alone or accompanied, that path will be walked nevertheless.
adult life ain't easy but joanne is learning (: one has to do what one got to do.
oh yes, joanne misses her gays loves of her life. catch up soon with you guys.
love, piggy (:
joanne will stop.
there's a new direction she guessed... with new strength probably she can walk down that road, alone or accompanied, that path will be walked nevertheless.
adult life ain't easy but joanne is learning (: one has to do what one got to do.
oh yes, joanne misses her gays loves of her life. catch up soon with you guys.
love, piggy (:
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
i'm thankful
to be alive (:
Redang Island was awesomely beautiful
and I realize people do care, friends do, family do, even strangers or passerby
To my dear family & all my dear friends: I love you all & thank you for being there for me for all the good times and bad times (:
love, piggy (:
Redang Island was awesomely beautiful
and I realize people do care, friends do, family do, even strangers or passerby
To my dear family & all my dear friends: I love you all & thank you for being there for me for all the good times and bad times (:
love, piggy (:
Sunday, June 15, 2008
home-maker in the making
Quite a nice Sunday (: except the incredibly hot temperature outside. Grrr... I'm melting. Help.
Ok, so here's it.
I made jelly with peaches and longans (: yay! happy (:
I cooked pasta with button mushrooms and ham in tomato sauce for dinner! yum yum (:
Crazy I am these days dunno why don't ask me.
Finally bought a pair of badminton shoes for myself, don't have to worry about slipping no more.
Sigh... life sucks. my nose starts dripping again. and that ulcer down my throat is irritaing ):
Alright enough complaints, Sundays should be remain as Sundays (: HAPPY
you know what, sometimes I think I speak like a crazed woman, I know... how creepy is that. hahaha.
Love you all, mwah, piggy (:
Ok, so here's it.
I made jelly with peaches and longans (: yay! happy (:
I cooked pasta with button mushrooms and ham in tomato sauce for dinner! yum yum (:
Crazy I am these days dunno why don't ask me.
Finally bought a pair of badminton shoes for myself, don't have to worry about slipping no more.
Sigh... life sucks. my nose starts dripping again. and that ulcer down my throat is irritaing ):
Alright enough complaints, Sundays should be remain as Sundays (: HAPPY
you know what, sometimes I think I speak like a crazed woman, I know... how creepy is that. hahaha.
Love you all, mwah, piggy (:
Friday, June 13, 2008
I'm upset
all these time I was hoping I could get into the office to talk to him and understand what's in his mind. I got the chance this morning. And all I felt after was bitterness.
So I was wrong. I couldn't get into his head. I can't figure it out, too complex for me to comprehend, I couldn't understand. Can't help to ask "But why?" haha.. reminds me of Ivy (: RVR & NUS central forum.
Never mind I feel much better now. Come to think of it, probably none of you would understand half the crap I'm writing, that's fine. (:
i'm still upset but it's ok. That's life. Live with it (: everything will be fine tomorrow. Good night world.
So I was wrong. I couldn't get into his head. I can't figure it out, too complex for me to comprehend, I couldn't understand. Can't help to ask "But why?" haha.. reminds me of Ivy (: RVR & NUS central forum.
Never mind I feel much better now. Come to think of it, probably none of you would understand half the crap I'm writing, that's fine. (:
i'm still upset but it's ok. That's life. Live with it (: everything will be fine tomorrow. Good night world.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
into perspective
Things happen so swift in a blink of an eye... it's June, and I have not blogged for more than a month. Rather foul mood these days, or rather for the past few months, at work. Sometimes I really do not know how people just get by all the nonsense crap at work daily, seriously. And, I have lost my temper several times now at work. Haha.
What's the point? This whole notion of working your ass off to pay bills, debts, live by day by day, for what, waiting to die? Nothing good is going to happen out of this whole shit.
A friend of mine asked me this question 2 weeks ago.
"Would you leave everything behind, and book a flight to France or anywhere in the world to start a life there, right now? Like just pack & leave."
"I would if I have no debts, no responsibilities left here."
"Which means you won't."
"I can't, I couldn't leave things undone behind and let my family to clear off my debts."
"That's it. We can't. We have responsibilities on our shoulders."
Funny.. that's the same thought that went through my head last December. I had the urge to just leave. I was at the airport with my passport, and this crazy thought just came to my head. For that split second, I thought of fleeing.
Joanne, you are crazy I tell you. I know. (:
People blame others for their mistakes all the time. They find excuses, or explanations.. but not thinking about HOW to solve the problems. What's wrong with these people anyway?
I had a talk with my boss yesterday. Businesses are like business, no compassion, and in business, people take advantage of every opportunity, every chance... forget about right or wrong, it's all about the money.
Now let's put things into perspective. A lot has been happening, I just have to put it into perspective. Get real. Sometimes I just get mad for the wrong reason at the wrong person. It's unfair I know.
To trust or not to trust?
Sometimes you think you have it all sorted out, but in actual fact, it's as messy as it was at the beginning.
Do not ever let other people discourage you. (:
love, piggy.
p.s. it's another disorganized entry... don't bother if it's too urgh.. my head ain't thinking straight with a temperature in my brain. good night ppl (:
What's the point? This whole notion of working your ass off to pay bills, debts, live by day by day, for what, waiting to die? Nothing good is going to happen out of this whole shit.
A friend of mine asked me this question 2 weeks ago.
"Would you leave everything behind, and book a flight to France or anywhere in the world to start a life there, right now? Like just pack & leave."
"I would if I have no debts, no responsibilities left here."
"Which means you won't."
"I can't, I couldn't leave things undone behind and let my family to clear off my debts."
"That's it. We can't. We have responsibilities on our shoulders."
Funny.. that's the same thought that went through my head last December. I had the urge to just leave. I was at the airport with my passport, and this crazy thought just came to my head. For that split second, I thought of fleeing.
Joanne, you are crazy I tell you. I know. (:
People blame others for their mistakes all the time. They find excuses, or explanations.. but not thinking about HOW to solve the problems. What's wrong with these people anyway?
I had a talk with my boss yesterday. Businesses are like business, no compassion, and in business, people take advantage of every opportunity, every chance... forget about right or wrong, it's all about the money.
Now let's put things into perspective. A lot has been happening, I just have to put it into perspective. Get real. Sometimes I just get mad for the wrong reason at the wrong person. It's unfair I know.
To trust or not to trust?
Sometimes you think you have it all sorted out, but in actual fact, it's as messy as it was at the beginning.
Do not ever let other people discourage you. (:
love, piggy.
p.s. it's another disorganized entry... don't bother if it's too urgh.. my head ain't thinking straight with a temperature in my brain. good night ppl (:
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
I bought my ticket
finally.
feels good to buy a one way ticket... can't wait for my holiday to come.
foul weeks I had actually... full of foul days.. of course there were good days where I had some good times with my colleagues and friends but still the foulness is very much in the air and is getting thicker by day.
fuck. "you know I go to yard everyday kena fuck.." and so it goes with all the f words.. I hear the complaints sometimes in the morning & somewhere inside I feel consoled that at least I do not have to face those fucking people.
four people. that's the number I heard so far. what change will it bring seriously?
fight for survival so he said.. but I'm just not that kind of person that really want to fight for something which I do not even believe in.
fitness is what I'm going for these days.. fitness can overcome foulness. 10km run is my next challenge... hopefully I don't faint seriously.
future is not mine to see but I can surely work towards the future that I want to... how I have no idea.. but hmm.. I'll find my way somehow.. should stop feeling lost, time to get back on track girl.. yeah I think so too. (:
feels good to buy a one way ticket... can't wait for my holiday to come.
foul weeks I had actually... full of foul days.. of course there were good days where I had some good times with my colleagues and friends but still the foulness is very much in the air and is getting thicker by day.
fuck. "you know I go to yard everyday kena fuck.." and so it goes with all the f words.. I hear the complaints sometimes in the morning & somewhere inside I feel consoled that at least I do not have to face those fucking people.
four people. that's the number I heard so far. what change will it bring seriously?
fight for survival so he said.. but I'm just not that kind of person that really want to fight for something which I do not even believe in.
fitness is what I'm going for these days.. fitness can overcome foulness. 10km run is my next challenge... hopefully I don't faint seriously.
future is not mine to see but I can surely work towards the future that I want to... how I have no idea.. but hmm.. I'll find my way somehow.. should stop feeling lost, time to get back on track girl.. yeah I think so too. (:
Saturday, April 26, 2008
mad week
red-running-skin-peeling nose on Monday but still worked til 9pm.
still sick but went to work for half day after going to the doctor on Tuesday.
felt a bit better on Wednesday after 10-hour sleep.
quarreled & scolded somebody on Thursday. played badminton & swam too, needed to let the energy out.
had a nightmare, heart attack & damn foul on Friday. Also, a super full & not-really-wanted-to-attend dinner.
performed magic after another series of heart attacks in the morning on Saturday.
I just want to have a nice relaxing Sunday, can I?
am very tired.
when is my rainbow going to appear? please, I'm so tired of hoping, and being despaired.
I better go to bed now... *yawn* good night people. no nightmares anymore for me please. I need a good slumber.
love, piggy (:
still sick but went to work for half day after going to the doctor on Tuesday.
felt a bit better on Wednesday after 10-hour sleep.
quarreled & scolded somebody on Thursday. played badminton & swam too, needed to let the energy out.
had a nightmare, heart attack & damn foul on Friday. Also, a super full & not-really-wanted-to-attend dinner.
performed magic after another series of heart attacks in the morning on Saturday.
I just want to have a nice relaxing Sunday, can I?
am very tired.
when is my rainbow going to appear? please, I'm so tired of hoping, and being despaired.
I better go to bed now... *yawn* good night people. no nightmares anymore for me please. I need a good slumber.
love, piggy (:
Monday, April 21, 2008
my rainbow's end
I'm waiting for my rainbow's end (:
pray hard.. shh.. please God, thank you.
Joanne has been crying, sniffing, sneezing the whole day.
7 colors, 1 dream. Think far, think far ahead, think beyond this confined space. Joanne can do it. Even if I don't reach the stars, and all I'd got is nothing but just speck of stardust, at least I tried, I came this far. A change will do me good. Whatever it is, I'm grateful, I am. Thank you for everything.
with love, piggy (:
pray hard.. shh.. please God, thank you.
Joanne has been crying, sniffing, sneezing the whole day.
7 colors, 1 dream. Think far, think far ahead, think beyond this confined space. Joanne can do it. Even if I don't reach the stars, and all I'd got is nothing but just speck of stardust, at least I tried, I came this far. A change will do me good. Whatever it is, I'm grateful, I am. Thank you for everything.
with love, piggy (:
Sunday, April 20, 2008
and so she goes again
Joanne has reached her turning point (:
Good thing I'd say. Everything is under controlled.
She has been getting used to her life nowadays. Silly though.. how long it actually takes for her to adapt to a lonelier environment. She's glad she has made it nevertheless. (: And so she goes on with her life... continuing her journey as an independent and brave girl, going after the dream that she left behind for a while when she was bit lost.
The future is not clear for her to see, yet, but at least she knows which direction is she heading to. Perhaps it's another dead end, perhaps it's a rainbow's end, who knows.. whatever it is.. she is determined to walk down that road and see where it leads to.
Life is short and there are so many things to do. She has to thank few people whom she has been talking to recently, for giving her insights and advices on life, of how to see things in a broader perspective, how not to be troubled by petty stuff, how to see the goodness of the big picture rather than to be miserable due to a hairline crack.
Do the things that you have always wanted to do. Don't wait. Money earned is to be spent. But spend wisely, work your budget and plan it well.
Regardless how tired she is, she will not give up. Not now. Someone told me that this is the beginning of a very beautiful phase of my life... seriously, I'm not that hopeful haha, but yes, I am embracing that change alright.
love you darlings, piggy (: HUGS
Good thing I'd say. Everything is under controlled.
She has been getting used to her life nowadays. Silly though.. how long it actually takes for her to adapt to a lonelier environment. She's glad she has made it nevertheless. (: And so she goes on with her life... continuing her journey as an independent and brave girl, going after the dream that she left behind for a while when she was bit lost.
The future is not clear for her to see, yet, but at least she knows which direction is she heading to. Perhaps it's another dead end, perhaps it's a rainbow's end, who knows.. whatever it is.. she is determined to walk down that road and see where it leads to.
Life is short and there are so many things to do. She has to thank few people whom she has been talking to recently, for giving her insights and advices on life, of how to see things in a broader perspective, how not to be troubled by petty stuff, how to see the goodness of the big picture rather than to be miserable due to a hairline crack.
Do the things that you have always wanted to do. Don't wait. Money earned is to be spent. But spend wisely, work your budget and plan it well.
Regardless how tired she is, she will not give up. Not now. Someone told me that this is the beginning of a very beautiful phase of my life... seriously, I'm not that hopeful haha, but yes, I am embracing that change alright.
love you darlings, piggy (: HUGS
Sunday, April 13, 2008
I surprised myself
of my capability to embrace a quarter of century lived (:
Apathetic is not the right word. I do care, for all you know, I care about everything, but sometimes it is just pointless to point it out when no one can actually sees it but myself. Life is not a mirror for all to see. When one is not IN the situation or a similar situation, one will not understand. Is okay, you don't have to when you could not. Being able to sort certain things out has definitely makes me feel better.
Thank you to all my dear friends, and colleagues. Yes I am happy, thanks guys *hugs*
SYC practice was fun.
Past whole week was just unspeakable. Whatever... seriously, I don't care anymore.
Different I'd say, compared to the past, this marked the end & the beginning of another phase. What awaits in the future is yet to be known, and I only hope for the better. As I have said in my earlier post, hope floats.
Oh and by the way, Happy 21st Birthday dear Joyce (:
Apathetic is not the right word. I do care, for all you know, I care about everything, but sometimes it is just pointless to point it out when no one can actually sees it but myself. Life is not a mirror for all to see. When one is not IN the situation or a similar situation, one will not understand. Is okay, you don't have to when you could not. Being able to sort certain things out has definitely makes me feel better.
Thank you to all my dear friends, and colleagues. Yes I am happy, thanks guys *hugs*
SYC practice was fun.
Past whole week was just unspeakable. Whatever... seriously, I don't care anymore.
Different I'd say, compared to the past, this marked the end & the beginning of another phase. What awaits in the future is yet to be known, and I only hope for the better. As I have said in my earlier post, hope floats.
Oh and by the way, Happy 21st Birthday dear Joyce (:
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
nothing understood
Have you ever wondered when is the end?
Ever been hitting rock bottom thousands times until you reach the point, how many more rock bottoms can you hit till it really cracks your head and all become back to nothingness?
There's something stuck down my throat all the way to my chest, someone please dig it out for me?
I apologize if this is another disturbing morbid post... and I'm sorry it has to be an entry after a happy party, a bindaaz party.
You know what's the most disturbing thing about the world? The fact that no one really gives a shit about anything. Seriously.
Joanne feels so useless that she thinks that perhaps she deserves this? for not standing up for herself, for letting herself being trampled all over, for letting herself being weak... for all the reasons that she shouldn't be and not being what she should be.
Nothing comes from nothing. Nothing understood.
(too tired... should just sleep...)
Ever been hitting rock bottom thousands times until you reach the point, how many more rock bottoms can you hit till it really cracks your head and all become back to nothingness?
There's something stuck down my throat all the way to my chest, someone please dig it out for me?
I apologize if this is another disturbing morbid post... and I'm sorry it has to be an entry after a happy party, a bindaaz party.
You know what's the most disturbing thing about the world? The fact that no one really gives a shit about anything. Seriously.
Joanne feels so useless that she thinks that perhaps she deserves this? for not standing up for herself, for letting herself being trampled all over, for letting herself being weak... for all the reasons that she shouldn't be and not being what she should be.
Nothing comes from nothing. Nothing understood.
(too tired... should just sleep...)
Sunday, April 06, 2008
"time kya hai?"
Kurien was so proud of me, Chinese girl speaking Hindi, although only one sentence, I have forgotten the rest of my lessons haha. I gotta learn more than just that.
First Mallu party I went, great food & company (: Thanks Sherene. hugs!
April bad luck? I think so too, first the bungalow, then the We Will Rock You concert. Damn. But is ok.. life moves on. I got used to all the shit happening in my life... I've accepted it, what can you do man, just live with it! haan (:
We just have to learn to live life happily, yes it is a decision, everyone can make that decision (:
"time kya hai?"
"11.37pm yaar"
Haan, running late, so good night, milenge yaar (: love ya Kundi
First Mallu party I went, great food & company (: Thanks Sherene. hugs!
April bad luck? I think so too, first the bungalow, then the We Will Rock You concert. Damn. But is ok.. life moves on. I got used to all the shit happening in my life... I've accepted it, what can you do man, just live with it! haan (:
We just have to learn to live life happily, yes it is a decision, everyone can make that decision (:
"time kya hai?"
"11.37pm yaar"
Haan, running late, so good night, milenge yaar (: love ya Kundi
Thursday, April 03, 2008
no more fear (at least for now)
(: YES INDEED.
I do not get nightmares anymore, at least not this week. A friend told me to write some updates here, so here goes.
Work is the same, can't change the situation, change myself (: hmm... have decided on certain things to do. I managed to get into SYC, on probation, seriously have no idea how long I can survive but will give it a try, and there is SEATRU Turtle Research & Rehabilitation Group. I miss my darlings a lot, but life goes on (: good luck and all the best for exams! *HUGS*
Certain things can't wait, and I have decided not to. I'm planning on a vacation, I know I have said this since last month, but is difficult getting people, so I have decided to go somewhere alone. Haven't decided on a destination yet, thinking of beach, or nature (: getaway from the city.
I'm going to do CFA again, yes, again. Study hard for that, will see how it goes and where it leads me to. Whatever will be will be, come what may.
Been wanting to catch up with soccer again, I remembered last year during April I was watching Champions League, not anymore, this year. Hmm... I need to find back the passion and means to get in touch with soccer again.
Oh no more bungalow but at least we cleared some issues and we are leading rather independent lives now, glad that we have made it clear, don't mind me being the bad person, at least I don't have to pretend to be nice and put up with the mean girls. Haha... come to think of it, perhaps I am "the bitch". Oh well.. who cares, whatever.
Bubble burst. That's how I feel. perhaps that's why I was suffocating last week, was like I'm gasping for air, imagine the feeling of bubble burst in a pool of water, running out of air, no security blanket and your lungs are filled with water... you just simply can't breathe. After some time, I grew accustomed to the waters... I'm an amphibian! OMG I'm talking gibberish again! Anyways, yeah, point is, after streaks of disappointments, after hitting rock bottoms, falling into trenches, drowning in the deep valleys... I have had enough of morbidness. Life goes on, nothing to be feared. Just live it, and do it. (:
One last thing, I'm going to climb Mt Kinabalu haha... I don't care... I'm going to do it, alone, been waiting for years for people to go together, and everytime there will be an excuse of not being able to make it. Have been putting off for many years, can't wait anymore... time is running out, I'm not as young as I was 5 years ago, and who knows what will happen in the next 5 years. Haha. Ok, enough, Joanne, go to bed.
Good night people, take care. I miss you all (you know who you all are) BIG HUG.
love, piggy (:
I do not get nightmares anymore, at least not this week. A friend told me to write some updates here, so here goes.
Work is the same, can't change the situation, change myself (: hmm... have decided on certain things to do. I managed to get into SYC, on probation, seriously have no idea how long I can survive but will give it a try, and there is SEATRU Turtle Research & Rehabilitation Group. I miss my darlings a lot, but life goes on (: good luck and all the best for exams! *HUGS*
Certain things can't wait, and I have decided not to. I'm planning on a vacation, I know I have said this since last month, but is difficult getting people, so I have decided to go somewhere alone. Haven't decided on a destination yet, thinking of beach, or nature (: getaway from the city.
I'm going to do CFA again, yes, again. Study hard for that, will see how it goes and where it leads me to. Whatever will be will be, come what may.
Been wanting to catch up with soccer again, I remembered last year during April I was watching Champions League, not anymore, this year. Hmm... I need to find back the passion and means to get in touch with soccer again.
Oh no more bungalow but at least we cleared some issues and we are leading rather independent lives now, glad that we have made it clear, don't mind me being the bad person, at least I don't have to pretend to be nice and put up with the mean girls. Haha... come to think of it, perhaps I am "the bitch". Oh well.. who cares, whatever.
Bubble burst. That's how I feel. perhaps that's why I was suffocating last week, was like I'm gasping for air, imagine the feeling of bubble burst in a pool of water, running out of air, no security blanket and your lungs are filled with water... you just simply can't breathe. After some time, I grew accustomed to the waters... I'm an amphibian! OMG I'm talking gibberish again! Anyways, yeah, point is, after streaks of disappointments, after hitting rock bottoms, falling into trenches, drowning in the deep valleys... I have had enough of morbidness. Life goes on, nothing to be feared. Just live it, and do it. (:
One last thing, I'm going to climb Mt Kinabalu haha... I don't care... I'm going to do it, alone, been waiting for years for people to go together, and everytime there will be an excuse of not being able to make it. Have been putting off for many years, can't wait anymore... time is running out, I'm not as young as I was 5 years ago, and who knows what will happen in the next 5 years. Haha. Ok, enough, Joanne, go to bed.
Good night people, take care. I miss you all (you know who you all are) BIG HUG.
love, piggy (:
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Joanne needs to think
think. think harder. think wise.
Joanne has to THINK BIG.
If this is it, then this is it, it is OKAY. Joanne has to think of ways to make the best out of whatever she has. JUST THINK & TAKE ACTION.
Joanne has to THINK BIG.
If this is it, then this is it, it is OKAY. Joanne has to think of ways to make the best out of whatever she has. JUST THINK & TAKE ACTION.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
fear
It's ironic how I feel these days... where is my guts? I'm having more nightmares than usual, not your closet monster or alien abduction or "the ring" kind of nightmare. Mine are so real that sometimes I get the vibe that it actually might be true. I've been dreaming of deaths, being lost, endless work, helpless... it is so real which makes it all so scary.
Damnit I feel so insecure.
Glad I manage to control certain things, I need to be more controlled. I do not want to be one of those people you see on the streets blindly leading their lives.
Battling my fears are the hardest thing. That explains why I am so tired.
Joanne needs to be in control again. I cannot let other people rule my life. Take charge, girl.
love, piggy.
Damnit I feel so insecure.
Glad I manage to control certain things, I need to be more controlled. I do not want to be one of those people you see on the streets blindly leading their lives.
Battling my fears are the hardest thing. That explains why I am so tired.
Joanne needs to be in control again. I cannot let other people rule my life. Take charge, girl.
love, piggy.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
I looked up to the stars
I made a wish
for all my dear family & friends~
I wish all of you love and happiness
And to those who have found theirs,
I am really happy for you, I do
and it makes me happy to see you happy
And to those who are still in the search,
I pray for your angel of joy to arrive soon,
with love & happiness to share...
Take good care of yourself
life may suck
we may be stuck
BUT there is still hope
Hope floats... which is what keeps us alive
love, Joanne piggy (:
for all my dear family & friends~
I wish all of you love and happiness
And to those who have found theirs,
I am really happy for you, I do
and it makes me happy to see you happy
And to those who are still in the search,
I pray for your angel of joy to arrive soon,
with love & happiness to share...
Take good care of yourself
life may suck
we may be stuck
BUT there is still hope
Hope floats... which is what keeps us alive
love, Joanne piggy (:
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
familiarity
so much familiarity I could almost predict what's next
people are different
situation is different
circumstances are somewhat similar
is okay (:
Life is a cycle
What comes around go around, again
I made it before, I'll made it through again
Nothing is impossible
A decision made is a beginning of a battle
Doer does things, takes action,
not just plain talking or watching or having wishful thoughts
Start now.
I once wrote about love package some time last year. I wrote about loneliness, I wrote about rain, I wrote about having various personalities... I whined, complained, swore and all.
"It's your blog, you have all the right to do or write whatever you want." Joseph once said.
Kurien and Aaron used to find it as a source of entertainment? Do you guys still? *smiles*
Other people probably just read it for updates, or gossips.
There is a strong sense of familiarity, this phase. I won't try so hard to hold on... people are so afraid to let go, afraid to forget. I finished White Oleander... and there was something about memory. You want remember, so just remember. Simple as that. Let go & remember.
That sense of familiarity, will always be with you, if you remember (: Haan it always will.
love, Joanne piggy
p.s. internet connection is stable tonight.
people are different
situation is different
circumstances are somewhat similar
is okay (:
Life is a cycle
What comes around go around, again
I made it before, I'll made it through again
Nothing is impossible
A decision made is a beginning of a battle
Doer does things, takes action,
not just plain talking or watching or having wishful thoughts
Start now.
I once wrote about love package some time last year. I wrote about loneliness, I wrote about rain, I wrote about having various personalities... I whined, complained, swore and all.
"It's your blog, you have all the right to do or write whatever you want." Joseph once said.
Kurien and Aaron used to find it as a source of entertainment? Do you guys still? *smiles*
Other people probably just read it for updates, or gossips.
There is a strong sense of familiarity, this phase. I won't try so hard to hold on... people are so afraid to let go, afraid to forget. I finished White Oleander... and there was something about memory. You want remember, so just remember. Simple as that. Let go & remember.
That sense of familiarity, will always be with you, if you remember (: Haan it always will.
love, Joanne piggy
p.s. internet connection is stable tonight.
Friday, February 29, 2008
leapt through the year on a Friday
So technically this day only exists once every 4 years, hence, I thought I should write something, you know, the next 29th Feb would be 4 years later and god knows what would have happened to this blog or rather to me then. Maybe people do not blog anymore, perhaps there would be some new fab or probably I would have been dead. You never know... well in any case, bro, you know where to get the money (:
I slept for 11 hours last night, was so tired... yes from Mambo. Lovely. And guess what, I started coughing again, since Monday afternoon, and it just never got better, right now, I feel like digging my lungs out to disinfect. Urgh, can I be less gross? erm.. no.
Oh I mentioned to put a joke the next time I blog so here goes:
me: I'm too chicken to cut myself.
he: You should go to duck school.
me: Ya, I think I should first try on the Duck Tour, if I like it then I'll enroll into duck school.
Perhaps you are too adult to get the joke, it's okay, you are normal (: I just want to write it down. It's original. In case you are wondering what got us into that conversation about cutting myself, don't ask, trust me you don't want to know, and I'm not that murderous anymore. So I guess I'm tame no worries. No one is cutting anyone for any matter.
I didn't get to watch "There Will Be Blood" today ): wtf, left only one corner seat in the first row, there isn't much entertainment in Singapore seriously. I thought would be easier to get ticket for a person, I was wrong. I ended up doing retail therapy, how lovely.
Yes you are right, people put so much thought into life, planning and hoping, but life always throw people surprises out of the blue. We spend too much time worrying and hoping for things to turn out good when we have absolutely no control over it. So why get ourselves all worked up right? Money fucked everything up, seriously. The root of all evil? It's not a surprise at all.
Joanne has no idea how to end this. I'm screwed. I can't write in proper anymore ): please tell me I'm not getting more stupid by the seconds.
Love, piggy Joanne.
I slept for 11 hours last night, was so tired... yes from Mambo. Lovely. And guess what, I started coughing again, since Monday afternoon, and it just never got better, right now, I feel like digging my lungs out to disinfect. Urgh, can I be less gross? erm.. no.
Oh I mentioned to put a joke the next time I blog so here goes:
me: I'm too chicken to cut myself.
he: You should go to duck school.
me: Ya, I think I should first try on the Duck Tour, if I like it then I'll enroll into duck school.
Perhaps you are too adult to get the joke, it's okay, you are normal (: I just want to write it down. It's original. In case you are wondering what got us into that conversation about cutting myself, don't ask, trust me you don't want to know, and I'm not that murderous anymore. So I guess I'm tame no worries. No one is cutting anyone for any matter.
I didn't get to watch "There Will Be Blood" today ): wtf, left only one corner seat in the first row, there isn't much entertainment in Singapore seriously. I thought would be easier to get ticket for a person, I was wrong. I ended up doing retail therapy, how lovely.
Yes you are right, people put so much thought into life, planning and hoping, but life always throw people surprises out of the blue. We spend too much time worrying and hoping for things to turn out good when we have absolutely no control over it. So why get ourselves all worked up right? Money fucked everything up, seriously. The root of all evil? It's not a surprise at all.
Joanne has no idea how to end this. I'm screwed. I can't write in proper anymore ): please tell me I'm not getting more stupid by the seconds.
Love, piggy Joanne.
Monday, February 25, 2008
random raving
Been wanting to write much earlier, but kept procrastinating... I should have written an entry of VV but I think there's no need to. I miss VV2008 I miss NUS Choir, above all, I miss my friends (:
Every goodbye has not been easy and it will never be. Joanne will never get used to saying goodbyes, not to people who matter.
The daunting thought of number 25 has been haunting me for the past week... haha, Joanne is losing gripe of life me thinks. What a loser. I should totally die young, seriously.
Clinging onto the slightest hope is so tiring so much so it's making me numb. Perhaps it is good.
I apologize for my ego, my pride & my indifferences... but sometimes I just can't do it. I am mean, bitchy, but I do not pretend. What you see is the real thing.
Project LOVELY was lovely indeed.
Bitches are not easy to get along with but we are surviving fine, every mistake is a humor. Haha... with me around, people will just go crazy, I drive people mad. Yes I do have a driving license.
This is stupid, I miss listening to all the swear words, and today I am so pissed off I feel murderous. I am just fucking tired & fucking pissed off with work, with people, Joanne simply does not understand.
Watched 3 movies consecutive in 3 days. Friday night, p.s. I love you. disappointed with the show, read the book, it's so much better. Saturday evening, No Country for Old Men, good acting & movie, just that I don't really get Western accent sometimes. But no doubt a good show. Sunday afternoon, The Diving Bell & Butterfly, brilliant show, movie was shot from character eye's point of view, a sad movie.
All this lot is crap... one thing for sure, Joanne is becoming more stupid after started working. So help her please.
Hugs with love, Joanne piggy (:
Every goodbye has not been easy and it will never be. Joanne will never get used to saying goodbyes, not to people who matter.
The daunting thought of number 25 has been haunting me for the past week... haha, Joanne is losing gripe of life me thinks. What a loser. I should totally die young, seriously.
Clinging onto the slightest hope is so tiring so much so it's making me numb. Perhaps it is good.
I apologize for my ego, my pride & my indifferences... but sometimes I just can't do it. I am mean, bitchy, but I do not pretend. What you see is the real thing.
Project LOVELY was lovely indeed.
Bitches are not easy to get along with but we are surviving fine, every mistake is a humor. Haha... with me around, people will just go crazy, I drive people mad. Yes I do have a driving license.
This is stupid, I miss listening to all the swear words, and today I am so pissed off I feel murderous. I am just fucking tired & fucking pissed off with work, with people, Joanne simply does not understand.
Watched 3 movies consecutive in 3 days. Friday night, p.s. I love you. disappointed with the show, read the book, it's so much better. Saturday evening, No Country for Old Men, good acting & movie, just that I don't really get Western accent sometimes. But no doubt a good show. Sunday afternoon, The Diving Bell & Butterfly, brilliant show, movie was shot from character eye's point of view, a sad movie.
All this lot is crap... one thing for sure, Joanne is becoming more stupid after started working. So help her please.
Hugs with love, Joanne piggy (:
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
crazed (:
There's something good about hitting rock bottom, everything does not seem too bad once you are at the bottom of the pit. I mean, what can be worse than the worst right? ((: There are only better things to look forward to. In a way, it's good.
I'm a loser. A lousy loser, actually. Letting people trampled over me and being bullied. The most I can be is to be bitchy, haha... seriously Joanne, you have to do better than this. Almost everything seem hilarious to me nowadays, just great, ain't you think so? Like I'm seeing the grandeur of life and what's the whole point of getting so fucked up about misery, disappointments and such. They are all insignificant.
Hope is a waking dream, so someone I forgot who said it once long long ago. Why did I mention about that again? I forgot.
Suddenly my mind is almost blank, think I'll write another day ((: bye bye readers
I'm a loser. A lousy loser, actually. Letting people trampled over me and being bullied. The most I can be is to be bitchy, haha... seriously Joanne, you have to do better than this. Almost everything seem hilarious to me nowadays, just great, ain't you think so? Like I'm seeing the grandeur of life and what's the whole point of getting so fucked up about misery, disappointments and such. They are all insignificant.
Hope is a waking dream, so someone I forgot who said it once long long ago. Why did I mention about that again? I forgot.
Suddenly my mind is almost blank, think I'll write another day ((: bye bye readers
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
one last hope
There's still one last hope for this week to turn out to be good. Joanne is ok. She will pick up and move on. Yes she'll try harder next time, and she can do it.
Thanks dears, hugs.
Thanks dears, hugs.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
another randomness~
you know what, I realised I have the album of continuum in my music library all these while (:
life's like that. all these while, it has always been there, but one always take so long to notice, or sometimes, never did. people take things for granted. until someone comes along, to show you where it is, then, will you start to notice its existence.
do you know the feeling when you are so angry that you almost want to cry? and the worse part is trying to calm yourself down and thereafter act cool as if nothing had happened and life goes on again.
at a point you feel like you almost want to give the hell up, but there is always this linger of hope that keeps you alive. I guess that is what keeps me till today.
of course I'm ok (: never better. lest not emo anymore. maybe in denial, but if denial is the solution, why not?
loneliness has gone beyond my emotional dictionary, it almost doesn't exist anymore. I will always have my books as my company, books never betray. (: haha.. perhaps it is right to be said that lonely people read a lot, there is where people like me find solace and humor, joy and love.
this is another rather random post. I'm going through some phase of change... can't tell just yet. will disclose when everything has turned out all just fine.
Thank you very much to mummy, family & friends. I love all of you very much.
((:
life's like that. all these while, it has always been there, but one always take so long to notice, or sometimes, never did. people take things for granted. until someone comes along, to show you where it is, then, will you start to notice its existence.
do you know the feeling when you are so angry that you almost want to cry? and the worse part is trying to calm yourself down and thereafter act cool as if nothing had happened and life goes on again.
at a point you feel like you almost want to give the hell up, but there is always this linger of hope that keeps you alive. I guess that is what keeps me till today.
of course I'm ok (: never better. lest not emo anymore. maybe in denial, but if denial is the solution, why not?
loneliness has gone beyond my emotional dictionary, it almost doesn't exist anymore. I will always have my books as my company, books never betray. (: haha.. perhaps it is right to be said that lonely people read a lot, there is where people like me find solace and humor, joy and love.
this is another rather random post. I'm going through some phase of change... can't tell just yet. will disclose when everything has turned out all just fine.
Thank you very much to mummy, family & friends. I love all of you very much.
((:
Sunday, January 13, 2008
stop this train (:
I miss being young
I miss home
So much so often I want to stop this train
get off and go home again
but I can't stop this train
would someone stop this train?
Is it true we can renegotiate?
Alright, thanks for the song. (:
p.s. for once I didn't talk about work.
I send my loves to my dearest family and friends. HUGS.
love, piggy (:
I miss home
So much so often I want to stop this train
get off and go home again
but I can't stop this train
would someone stop this train?
Is it true we can renegotiate?
Alright, thanks for the song. (:
p.s. for once I didn't talk about work.
I send my loves to my dearest family and friends. HUGS.
love, piggy (:
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
nlisuqhwd8ckdlkegfr
ireallyhavenoideawhatiamgoingtoblogabouttodaylifesucksnitsaintgettinanybetter
workwaslikehelluvafullofendlesscrap.livelifetothefullestdomybestselfencourageme
ntsometimesthingsjustcantbeallwhatwehopeforwemakethebestoutofwhatitisgiven
tous.onlythefittestsurviveinthisharshworldbutiamtoostubborntochangetopretendt
oembracethispretentiousshitoflifeitsmeaninglessnseriouslywhatdoonegain?viking
airtechmycompanyhastaughtmemanythingstodayacolleaguetalkedtomeaboutskinc
olordiscriminationifeltsorryforthediscriminatedbutthisistherealworldwherethemin
oritiesarealwaysatthedisadvantagesigh.everymorningitoldmyselfthisisanewdayica
ndoiticanlivethroughitalrightniwillbestrongnfacethetoughworldnibelieveontomybel
iefsniholdontothataslongasicould.youthfadesnothinglastsbutloveneverendsimisshi
mstilliwasreadingmyoldwritingsremindmeofmanythingsbroughtbackmuchmemories
thesearewhaticallpricelessnothingcansubstitutethemnitwillalwaysbewithmeforever
tilthedayidie.
foreverneverido
p.s.iloveyouijustfeltlikerantingmywaythroughtodaynthisisonerarepieceonecanfind!
(:
workwaslikehelluvafullofendlesscrap.livelifetothefullestdomybestselfencourageme
ntsometimesthingsjustcantbeallwhatwehopeforwemakethebestoutofwhatitisgiven
tous.onlythefittestsurviveinthisharshworldbutiamtoostubborntochangetopretendt
oembracethispretentiousshitoflifeitsmeaninglessnseriouslywhatdoonegain?viking
airtechmycompanyhastaughtmemanythingstodayacolleaguetalkedtomeaboutskinc
olordiscriminationifeltsorryforthediscriminatedbutthisistherealworldwherethemin
oritiesarealwaysatthedisadvantagesigh.everymorningitoldmyselfthisisanewdayica
ndoiticanlivethroughitalrightniwillbestrongnfacethetoughworldnibelieveontomybel
iefsniholdontothataslongasicould.youthfadesnothinglastsbutloveneverendsimisshi
mstilliwasreadingmyoldwritingsremindmeofmanythingsbroughtbackmuchmemories
thesearewhaticallpricelessnothingcansubstitutethemnitwillalwaysbewithmeforever
tilthedayidie.
foreverneverido
p.s.iloveyouijustfeltlikerantingmywaythroughtodaynthisisonerarepieceonecanfind!
(:
Monday, January 07, 2008
just an entry...
The background music now is playing O Magnum Mysterium... such calming and peaceful music ((: One can't help but to feel just safe. *big smile*
Joanne is in peace (: sounds like she's dead, nope, not yet, still very much alive, or at least she thinks she is. Perhaps part of her is dying secretly... but who knows, one cannot always be sure about life matters.
Sleep has done her much good ((: or perhaps home sweet home makes her happier, and she wonders... how long can it last, happiness, that is.
Looks like the new year has been treating her well, work has not been too bad, she had had much worse days, life has been rather pleasant, quiet... just the way she likes it.
Landlord is going to raise our rental soon, and she seriously think her current income is insufficient for her to realize her dream. Hearty Tarts is too distant to even to think about it.
Mr Charming has yet to be found, haha, oh well, she has given up searching... what will be will be. Of course she has always wanted to have someone to be there for her, but if there ain't one, no one is it, things can't be forced upon (: it's alright. She has friends, really nice friends and she is more than grateful of them. HUGS.
She thinks of her mother
She thinks of her grandfather
She thinks of people she loves
She said her thanks... for the people in her life ((:
and so this is her mood right now... so un-bitchy-Joanne.
I love you guys (: have a good week ahead! *hugs*
Joanne is in peace (: sounds like she's dead, nope, not yet, still very much alive, or at least she thinks she is. Perhaps part of her is dying secretly... but who knows, one cannot always be sure about life matters.
Sleep has done her much good ((: or perhaps home sweet home makes her happier, and she wonders... how long can it last, happiness, that is.
Looks like the new year has been treating her well, work has not been too bad, she had had much worse days, life has been rather pleasant, quiet... just the way she likes it.
Landlord is going to raise our rental soon, and she seriously think her current income is insufficient for her to realize her dream. Hearty Tarts is too distant to even to think about it.
Mr Charming has yet to be found, haha, oh well, she has given up searching... what will be will be. Of course she has always wanted to have someone to be there for her, but if there ain't one, no one is it, things can't be forced upon (: it's alright. She has friends, really nice friends and she is more than grateful of them. HUGS.
She thinks of her mother
She thinks of her grandfather
She thinks of people she loves
She said her thanks... for the people in her life ((:
and so this is her mood right now... so un-bitchy-Joanne.
I love you guys (: have a good week ahead! *hugs*
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
and a happy new year
sorry the wish comes a little late... better late than never. ((:
I took a long time to think about 2007 and the new year 2008.
Thank you my dear family and friends for being there for me all the time, especially my mum and the CBK darlings. Thank you specially for being yourself and not someone else, and Joanne loves you all for who you are. Those memories will be kept forever, and I'm sure the future has more memories to live and store. (: HUGS.
2008... I wish a better year for everyone, a blessed year, with happiness and joy and health and yes, wealth also.
with love, Joanne piggy (:
I took a long time to think about 2007 and the new year 2008.
Thank you my dear family and friends for being there for me all the time, especially my mum and the CBK darlings. Thank you specially for being yourself and not someone else, and Joanne loves you all for who you are. Those memories will be kept forever, and I'm sure the future has more memories to live and store. (: HUGS.
2008... I wish a better year for everyone, a blessed year, with happiness and joy and health and yes, wealth also.
with love, Joanne piggy (:
Monday, December 17, 2007
I have had enough
I have had enough, of all the shits and nonsense.
Why the recent vulgarities?
Level of stress is increasing by day and trust level declining every day too.
Why do people back stab?
I have had enough of pretentious & superficial lifestyle. Give me a break.
Joanne is retardedly crazy and lame, and she misses her friend who is most probably busy visiting all uncles and aunties in India right now and getting bitten by Indie mozzies. LOL. She misses home lots too, this Christmas and New Year will be different - lonely and boring.
2008, I fail to identify my feelings toward the new year, except that I hope that I can save some money to go travel in April or May, I will plan for a vacation, I need a holiday. I hope I can roll money on money too, and in Jan my exam results will be out, sighs.
The season of giving and hope doesn't sound too promising to me at all, at least, not yet.
No, I'm not really emo, just tired, yeah, more of tired than anything. Tired of being an adult. Tired of bearing responsibilities. Tired of pretending to be a know-it-all, to be up-to-date, to be a please-them-all, to be politically and diplomatically correct.
Life is pretentious and is a whole big facade.
I find solace in the library. (((: a nerd.
Thank you friends who are always there to listen to my rants, bear with my vulgarities, listen to my whinings, cheer me up with our secret jokes which are not really funny ok tsk. Thanks (((: HUGS. And also, for the visits and dinners and little cards, letters and gifts. Little things count and Joanne appreciates them all, big or small, far or near (((: Thanks for being nice.
I have had enough of craps, give Joanne a break, she needs a holiday, a nice long holiday and some understanding would be nice too.
Why the recent vulgarities?
Level of stress is increasing by day and trust level declining every day too.
Why do people back stab?
I have had enough of pretentious & superficial lifestyle. Give me a break.
Joanne is retardedly crazy and lame, and she misses her friend who is most probably busy visiting all uncles and aunties in India right now and getting bitten by Indie mozzies. LOL. She misses home lots too, this Christmas and New Year will be different - lonely and boring.
2008, I fail to identify my feelings toward the new year, except that I hope that I can save some money to go travel in April or May, I will plan for a vacation, I need a holiday. I hope I can roll money on money too, and in Jan my exam results will be out, sighs.
The season of giving and hope doesn't sound too promising to me at all, at least, not yet.
No, I'm not really emo, just tired, yeah, more of tired than anything. Tired of being an adult. Tired of bearing responsibilities. Tired of pretending to be a know-it-all, to be up-to-date, to be a please-them-all, to be politically and diplomatically correct.
Life is pretentious and is a whole big facade.
I find solace in the library. (((: a nerd.
Thank you friends who are always there to listen to my rants, bear with my vulgarities, listen to my whinings, cheer me up with our secret jokes which are not really funny ok tsk. Thanks (((: HUGS. And also, for the visits and dinners and little cards, letters and gifts. Little things count and Joanne appreciates them all, big or small, far or near (((: Thanks for being nice.
I have had enough of craps, give Joanne a break, she needs a holiday, a nice long holiday and some understanding would be nice too.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
back from hiatus
Dear readers,
Joanne is back.
Life is like a roller coaster. I miss living, laughing and loving. Why? I am both happy and sad, loved and lonely. How?
Haha, like seriously, I have no eff-ing idea.
Enough soap dramas. ((:
Updates... exam was shite. Don't ask. I was upset. Yes, was, am not that upset now, but still, the pinch is there. I feel poor despite earning monthly wages. That sucks. Finally I got my NLB membership. YAY *big grin*
I have one million things in my head but I just can't pen a single thing down. Lousy girl. Carolings are coming soon. I have mixed feelings haha, excited and not excited. Joanne is getting retarded.
Time is passing by and Joanne is fading together with it... somebody please grab hold of time for me please? Oh and one more thing, Joanne is reading chick lits haha, like seriously, she is! Probably that explains the emo-ness and shit like that, should have borrowed a John Grisham or Sidney Sheldon book instead haha.
Joanne shall aim to keep her indifference.
p.s. I love you mummy, thanks for everything. (((:
Joanne is back.
Life is like a roller coaster. I miss living, laughing and loving. Why? I am both happy and sad, loved and lonely. How?
Haha, like seriously, I have no eff-ing idea.
Enough soap dramas. ((:
Updates... exam was shite. Don't ask. I was upset. Yes, was, am not that upset now, but still, the pinch is there. I feel poor despite earning monthly wages. That sucks. Finally I got my NLB membership. YAY *big grin*
I have one million things in my head but I just can't pen a single thing down. Lousy girl. Carolings are coming soon. I have mixed feelings haha, excited and not excited. Joanne is getting retarded.
Time is passing by and Joanne is fading together with it... somebody please grab hold of time for me please? Oh and one more thing, Joanne is reading chick lits haha, like seriously, she is! Probably that explains the emo-ness and shit like that, should have borrowed a John Grisham or Sidney Sheldon book instead haha.
Joanne shall aim to keep her indifference.
p.s. I love you mummy, thanks for everything. (((:
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
For you to decipher...
I braved myself through the dark little things
scattering over the pathways
fleeing everywhere like blind creatures
I cringed at the sight of the rush
one even stopped as if dared me to cross
with the raging headgears all armed
I braved myself to cross the paths
the whims... I was disgusted later
amazed of my courage
perhaps my fear could be conquered
afterall I braved myself to walk through my darkest fear
scattering over the pathways
fleeing everywhere like blind creatures
I cringed at the sight of the rush
one even stopped as if dared me to cross
with the raging headgears all armed
I braved myself to cross the paths
the whims... I was disgusted later
amazed of my courage
perhaps my fear could be conquered
afterall I braved myself to walk through my darkest fear
Not much literature content, actually, damn retarded if the mystery is disclosed. Haha, an expected reaction would be "what the fuck?" I find my writing amusing with such silliness :p I wrote that during lunch break, nerd? maybe. mad? yeah I think so too. *laughs* What is Joanne's darkest fear?
A letter to the Big Guy
Dear Mister,
Thank you for keeping me alive, despite my carelessness last Saturday. (: I was not killed, and was not scolded, only burnt a hole in my pocket, at least I still have the other pocket. I am really very grateful and I treasure life even more. Also, I promised to say a prayer for the safety of "the" postman on behalf of my friend. Please keep him safe (I think should be a he, but in any case is a she, please keep her safe) Thank you.
love, Joanne.
p.s. Thank you also for having me blessed with such wonderful loving family & friends.
Ruff Tuff the Giraffe & Funky Monkey I'm afraid this tale has to be waited at the moment. Joanne has no time for story telling or story writing. Perhaps in December.
Updates:
Joanne is panicking, got the CFA exam slip last Friday, and she is way behind study schedule. So sorry guys, she most probably has to forego entertainments & choir practices.
Joanne is going home next Wednesday night till the weekend, ((: is so looking forward to going home.
Joanne is cooking more often these days, save money.
Joanne feels bit weird about getting permanent resident status, don't know why. (damn, I don't always have to give a reason for feeling weird ok)
YES, Joanne is still bitchy, haha, and she's loving it, omg, serious retardedness.
On a serious note, I'm getting quite used to work, despite the fact that I still have trouble waking up every morning. After all I'm a piggy. Focus, study hard Joanne, the rest of the people who are studying too, yes, it's time to start mugging, it's November, soon, heck, November Rain is already here, don't you see it has started raining?
Joanne sends her love *HUGS! mwah*
Sunday, October 21, 2007
funky monkey
has a good friend - ruff tuff giraffe ((:
I'm going to write a story about funky monkey & ruff tuff giraffe, someday, soon. Not today, not tomorrow, because the author's hand is dying (can't type well), the thinker head is spinning from coughing (can't concentrate on getting a good storyline).
Joanne is going crazy, seriously. because she's coughing her lungs out, and she will be out of breath soon. How can one breathe with their lungs outside?
Yes I know I have a sexy voice ((: don't be jealous. And, stop making fun of my "shut up"s It's not even funny. TSK!
My colleagues are funny people too, seriously, I think my job is not bad, just that the pay is really low but well, I have not much complaints at least for now. Money is everything but NOT everything. okay.. what am I talking? Haha... I'm crazy. (:
Meanwhile, I'm enjoying life being a kid, sometimes, with my fellow kid friend, ruff tuff the giraffe.
I should rest now... *cough cough* yes I will go and see a doctor tomorrow. Stop nagging.
love, Joanne piggy (:
I'm going to write a story about funky monkey & ruff tuff giraffe, someday, soon. Not today, not tomorrow, because the author's hand is dying (can't type well), the thinker head is spinning from coughing (can't concentrate on getting a good storyline).
Joanne is going crazy, seriously. because she's coughing her lungs out, and she will be out of breath soon. How can one breathe with their lungs outside?
Yes I know I have a sexy voice ((: don't be jealous. And, stop making fun of my "shut up"s It's not even funny. TSK!
My colleagues are funny people too, seriously, I think my job is not bad, just that the pay is really low but well, I have not much complaints at least for now. Money is everything but NOT everything. okay.. what am I talking? Haha... I'm crazy. (:
Meanwhile, I'm enjoying life being a kid, sometimes, with my fellow kid friend, ruff tuff the giraffe.
I should rest now... *cough cough* yes I will go and see a doctor tomorrow. Stop nagging.
love, Joanne piggy (:
Monday, October 15, 2007
rediscovering life (:
museums visit, today (: nice, I like it. free, fun, & full of insights haha, like yeah right...
Kurien gave me dunno how many Indian points today, for Jay walking *puzzled* I don't even know whether is that a good thing or bad.
I heard from a friend that a friend of a friend of mine is earning $15k per month as an engineer, in my mind I was like, "fuck!" Shit, I feel like quitting my job hahaha... why am I even working there with that meager pay and working like shit? I have no idea seriously. Anyway I was just kidding, I'll stay where I am and learn as much I can regarding marine industry (: and if opportunity comes, we'll see. I have accepted to the fact I don't have the luck to earn big bucks, so I will just be content with my pathetic sum I receive monthly.
My manager said I look bored at work *frowns*
My colleague said I look laid back *more frowns*
Oh great, like just the kind of feedback I'd need, am I jeopardizing my own career? I better not.
Happy blue birds ((: Joanne is so random... I know, but I don't know why.
And my friend asked me to switch company, higher pay, much better incentives for the same position *speechless* No, I can't, I think my boss will just kill me seriously. Haha.. bad idea.
is there nothing interesting in an adult's life? *wonders*
I enjoy walking around enjoying the greens, reading, writing, singing, baking, catching up with family & few close friends, walking by the beach, spend my day lazily reading a good book ((: such luxury. Sounds like a nice dream ((: indeed it is.
I feel like I'm a slave to the root of all evil $$$$$ Help!
Life is picking up at a quick pace for me... I need to find more time, to find satisfaction & enjoyment in my work.
At this point in life, I'm like rediscovering what life is all about... indeed it is different. Now that I am really IN the society, the REAL working society, if you get what I mean. Interesting, it is! No doubt about that, and Joanne still muses at the musings of humans!
Live life & laugh! ((:
Thanks, mum & friends *smiles* who never fail to make me laugh, laugh with me & at me *bleh*
love, Joanne.
Kurien gave me dunno how many Indian points today, for Jay walking *puzzled* I don't even know whether is that a good thing or bad.
I heard from a friend that a friend of a friend of mine is earning $15k per month as an engineer, in my mind I was like, "fuck!" Shit, I feel like quitting my job hahaha... why am I even working there with that meager pay and working like shit? I have no idea seriously. Anyway I was just kidding, I'll stay where I am and learn as much I can regarding marine industry (: and if opportunity comes, we'll see. I have accepted to the fact I don't have the luck to earn big bucks, so I will just be content with my pathetic sum I receive monthly.
My manager said I look bored at work *frowns*
My colleague said I look laid back *more frowns*
Oh great, like just the kind of feedback I'd need, am I jeopardizing my own career? I better not.
Happy blue birds ((: Joanne is so random... I know, but I don't know why.
And my friend asked me to switch company, higher pay, much better incentives for the same position *speechless* No, I can't, I think my boss will just kill me seriously. Haha.. bad idea.
is there nothing interesting in an adult's life? *wonders*
I enjoy walking around enjoying the greens, reading, writing, singing, baking, catching up with family & few close friends, walking by the beach, spend my day lazily reading a good book ((: such luxury. Sounds like a nice dream ((: indeed it is.
I feel like I'm a slave to the root of all evil $$$$$ Help!
Life is picking up at a quick pace for me... I need to find more time, to find satisfaction & enjoyment in my work.
At this point in life, I'm like rediscovering what life is all about... indeed it is different. Now that I am really IN the society, the REAL working society, if you get what I mean. Interesting, it is! No doubt about that, and Joanne still muses at the musings of humans!
Live life & laugh! ((:
Thanks, mum & friends *smiles* who never fail to make me laugh, laugh with me & at me *bleh*
love, Joanne.
Monday, October 01, 2007
children's day (:
Joanne is retarded, seriously. Like totally *roll eyes*
"Oh, I've got a missed call.. who would that be.."
"Someone who called you."
"No, someone who missed me called me." *smiles*
"Awesome, you're getting it back again."
I can't stop dreaming of the impossible & wanting to believe dreams are achievable.
"Why can't we do the things that we love and earn a living from it?"
"Like what?"
"Singing, reading, baking, joking etc."
"Singing is a one off thing, irregular."
"I can be a book reviewer."
"But you have to read boring books as well."
"Easy, just give a bad review, for all you know it'll be the best review ever!"
"I want to start my hearty tarts business."
"You'll get bored after everything is settled."
"Will I? Hmm..."
"There's still my BHS..." ((:
Oh and, Kurien & I missed the 96 bus because we were having our mini Children's Day celebration.
"Cockroach!"
"Look, the adults are too occupied with their worries, bills, awful week at work.. to notice the cockroach."
"But we did."
"which explains why we are here and not in the bus."
Seriously, Hollywood should hire us to do stand-up comedy I don't mind to start off at some suburb in Texas. Why Texas? No idea. Just random.
Alright, time to wake up. September has ended. And to all the children out there and to the grownups who are still kids, Happy Children's Day!
HUGS (:
Love, Joanne (always a kid at heart)
"Oh, I've got a missed call.. who would that be.."
"Someone who called you."
"No, someone who missed me called me." *smiles*
"Awesome, you're getting it back again."
I can't stop dreaming of the impossible & wanting to believe dreams are achievable.
"Why can't we do the things that we love and earn a living from it?"
"Like what?"
"Singing, reading, baking, joking etc."
"Singing is a one off thing, irregular."
"I can be a book reviewer."
"But you have to read boring books as well."
"Easy, just give a bad review, for all you know it'll be the best review ever!"
"I want to start my hearty tarts business."
"You'll get bored after everything is settled."
"Will I? Hmm..."
"There's still my BHS..." ((:
Oh and, Kurien & I missed the 96 bus because we were having our mini Children's Day celebration.
"Cockroach!"
"Look, the adults are too occupied with their worries, bills, awful week at work.. to notice the cockroach."
"But we did."
"which explains why we are here and not in the bus."
Seriously, Hollywood should hire us to do stand-up comedy I don't mind to start off at some suburb in Texas. Why Texas? No idea. Just random.
Alright, time to wake up. September has ended. And to all the children out there and to the grownups who are still kids, Happy Children's Day!
HUGS (:
Love, Joanne (always a kid at heart)
Sunday, September 30, 2007
I don't know why
am all for Norah Jones again... don't ask me why. I don't know why (:
would love to write more but it requires too much thinking and brain processing. Life has not permit me to have the luxury of so much 'me' time, I've trade it off with the gods of money & work. I have lots to write, but everything is incoherent and disorganized. We'll wait and see, a day when Joanne is free to sit down, think & write in proper. Till then, take care people!
Joanne misses her family, her friends, and she loves them all muchly. HUGS.
The long day is over (: or is it? A long & busy week ahead... oh well :) I'll be just fine.
would love to write more but it requires too much thinking and brain processing. Life has not permit me to have the luxury of so much 'me' time, I've trade it off with the gods of money & work. I have lots to write, but everything is incoherent and disorganized. We'll wait and see, a day when Joanne is free to sit down, think & write in proper. Till then, take care people!
Joanne misses her family, her friends, and she loves them all muchly. HUGS.
The long day is over (: or is it? A long & busy week ahead... oh well :) I'll be just fine.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
"Have A Nice Day"
is a happy song, don't know why suddenly am listening to Stereophonics haha.
Joanne is really busy & bitchy.
Don't ask why, I have no answer either. I shall update more when I have time... I just wish we can buy time. Haha.. ok I have to sleep my eyes are shutting. It was a long day but good ending (: woke up at 6am, went to work, left at 2pm, went for tuition, reached home at 4.50pm showered then left for crazy's medicine note. Classical night (: I enjoyed the performances, how I wish I can play the piano half like the pianist!
ok, I need to sleep. My brain is not working anymore. good night. Have a Nice Day! Waltzing Matilda! Nice songs!! :) Thanks. HUGS.
Joanne is really busy & bitchy.
Don't ask why, I have no answer either. I shall update more when I have time... I just wish we can buy time. Haha.. ok I have to sleep my eyes are shutting. It was a long day but good ending (: woke up at 6am, went to work, left at 2pm, went for tuition, reached home at 4.50pm showered then left for crazy's medicine note. Classical night (: I enjoyed the performances, how I wish I can play the piano half like the pianist!
ok, I need to sleep. My brain is not working anymore. good night. Have a Nice Day! Waltzing Matilda! Nice songs!! :) Thanks. HUGS.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
and I'm still grinning
(: *big smile*
It has been a pleasant day.
Joanne was the first to wake up in the house, went tuition. (:
I was glad I started my day early, did quite many things today... tuition, some housework, ironing, studying, movie (HAIRSPRAY, finally haha) and now am back, going to continue studying before going to bed.
Movie was AWESOME (: and I'm still grinning while listening to the songs.
Okay, study time! Work may not be entirely great, but it keeps me going which is good. Still living on my dream, waiting for the day where I can do the things I love and earn money from it, that would be PERFECT and patience is what I have.
Someday I'll find it, my rainbow connection~ and to my dear readers, I wish you all will find yours too (: love, Joanne
It has been a pleasant day.
Joanne was the first to wake up in the house, went tuition. (:
I was glad I started my day early, did quite many things today... tuition, some housework, ironing, studying, movie (HAIRSPRAY, finally haha) and now am back, going to continue studying before going to bed.
Movie was AWESOME (: and I'm still grinning while listening to the songs.
Okay, study time! Work may not be entirely great, but it keeps me going which is good. Still living on my dream, waiting for the day where I can do the things I love and earn money from it, that would be PERFECT and patience is what I have.
Someday I'll find it, my rainbow connection~ and to my dear readers, I wish you all will find yours too (: love, Joanne
Friday, September 14, 2007
Busy bUsy & buSy
First thing first, Joanne is NOT emo ok (: Thank you very much to all of you! mwah!
Although tiring and busy, I try to meet up with friends still and catch up with their lives. Thanks mum everyone at home *LOVES piggy* the CBK darlings *HUGS* crazies, uncles, aunties, bimbos, & of course xmy! Oh and "Happy Birthday" to shushan & xiugui!
Ok, so, first week of work, first few days were boring, yeah, I had to seek refuge in toilet to steal some sleep haha.. oops. Bad. Today, work load is piling up, got few urgent projects... feeling the stress now and seriously I do not know where to find time to finish so many things. Well, I'll survive, somehow. It's just work and I'll just think of the monetary benefits I'll get by the end of the month :) Good enough motivation.
I just registered for CFA. That is like around $1800. I MUST pass my CFA level 1 in Dec 2007. That means after work, rest a bit, study! Haha... sounds exciting. I don't know how am I going to do it, but I just have to. The sum has already been paid, I HAVE to pass.
My tutee is still failing his English... how? Sad. He's like my buddy now, and I call him uncle Tan too sometimes. Haha, because he always complains tired & whine, like an old man. He's panicking now... I hope he can pass his exam, I'm doing whatever I can. sigh.
Choir is good and de-stressing. Now I know what's working life is like, it's tiring, seriously, it is. I'm always sleeping on public transport nowadays haha... just now I felt like heading back to sleep & skip choir but still, I went for choir. It feels good singing with the choir though we don't really sound fantastic but yeah, good de-stresser.
Just some updates.. probably write more in proper & more organized when I'm less tired. (:
Although tiring and busy, I try to meet up with friends still and catch up with their lives. Thanks mum everyone at home *LOVES piggy* the CBK darlings *HUGS* crazies, uncles, aunties, bimbos, & of course xmy! Oh and "Happy Birthday" to shushan & xiugui!
Ok, so, first week of work, first few days were boring, yeah, I had to seek refuge in toilet to steal some sleep haha.. oops. Bad. Today, work load is piling up, got few urgent projects... feeling the stress now and seriously I do not know where to find time to finish so many things. Well, I'll survive, somehow. It's just work and I'll just think of the monetary benefits I'll get by the end of the month :) Good enough motivation.
I just registered for CFA. That is like around $1800. I MUST pass my CFA level 1 in Dec 2007. That means after work, rest a bit, study! Haha... sounds exciting. I don't know how am I going to do it, but I just have to. The sum has already been paid, I HAVE to pass.
My tutee is still failing his English... how? Sad. He's like my buddy now, and I call him uncle Tan too sometimes. Haha, because he always complains tired & whine, like an old man. He's panicking now... I hope he can pass his exam, I'm doing whatever I can. sigh.
Choir is good and de-stressing. Now I know what's working life is like, it's tiring, seriously, it is. I'm always sleeping on public transport nowadays haha... just now I felt like heading back to sleep & skip choir but still, I went for choir. It feels good singing with the choir though we don't really sound fantastic but yeah, good de-stresser.
Just some updates.. probably write more in proper & more organized when I'm less tired. (:
Saturday, September 08, 2007
my mum is the coolest (:
Seriously, she is. (: and damn funny too. Haha. Now I know where I got my lameness from. Oops.
I will try to keep my moods as stable as possible. And again, I am okay.
Funny how my mum asked about it... made me wonder. I've never really thought about it. Seriously, no one actually cares. Sometimes I just feel like I'm living alone. The job gives me the money. And yes, I'm happy about the money coming in. But in reality, life is actually more than just bringing in money right.
Mummy, I want a car too! Haha. And to my dearest mum, thanks for everything. I enjoyed the chat. (: always do. Cheered me up. *smiles* and I feel loved.
love, piggy~
p.s. wanted to go out today... but, did not. watched rented movie "The Queen" instead. Nice movie (:
I will try to keep my moods as stable as possible. And again, I am okay.
Funny how my mum asked about it... made me wonder. I've never really thought about it. Seriously, no one actually cares. Sometimes I just feel like I'm living alone. The job gives me the money. And yes, I'm happy about the money coming in. But in reality, life is actually more than just bringing in money right.
Mummy, I want a car too! Haha. And to my dearest mum, thanks for everything. I enjoyed the chat. (: always do. Cheered me up. *smiles* and I feel loved.
love, piggy~
p.s. wanted to go out today... but, did not. watched rented movie "The Queen" instead. Nice movie (:
Friday, September 07, 2007
I'm employed
just for the record.
Nothing much to say about it. Nothing glamorous or cool, not fantastic pay but point is, it pays. I need the money.
Happiness has worn out. Life's irony.
(:
Nothing much to say about it. Nothing glamorous or cool, not fantastic pay but point is, it pays. I need the money.
Happiness has worn out. Life's irony.
(:
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
somewhat happier entry
Life has not thrown me a pleasant surprise, yet.
Happier because I'm laughing more but I feel bad, laughing at other people. Omg seriously, how bitchy can you get Joanne? Yes I'm one hell of a bitch.
Ok, crap aside, I'm happy because I managed to catch up with people, studied a bit, talked to mum on MSN (yes I know, coolest mum I have, haha), being a little indifferent (yes I regard that as something to be happy about :p). I got interviews too. Not that I've gotten any jobs offer, but yes, good things come to those who wait. I seriously hope so, else Joanne is going to enter another phase of depression.
Please don't jinx my job applications, please. Thanks.
Despite the fact that I'm losing sleep because I'm losing the grip of life, I still try to keep my optimism high, I don't know what do I feed my optimism but yeah, I use happy songs & good reads, since I don't have money for happy food. Sometimes I get crazy and happy companies too and those are my life bonuses! (:
Life can be suffocating but yeah Joanne is surviving. Life is never all nice and beautiful, feeling stifled at times but still moving on just fine. So yeah, Joanne is ok (: all she has to do is just keep breathing.
Joanne is still working on the communication problem, she has no idea how, and sometimes she feels that she should just not give a damn. Maybe she shouldn't try so hard, life might be easier on her perhaps.
Oh I received a Teacher's Day present from my tutee haha. English is definitely not easy to teach, how does one teach vocabularies? Help me. And they even have Mark Twain's work as cloze passage now, I can't even comprehend the whole article at first read. I know I suck. I try my best to help him. Don't mention about words like kleptomaniac, biblioklept, stoic etc. appearing in questions, I have to do homework before going for classes, seriously.
Well, Joanne is still very much an idealistic. Although things have changed, she would very much hope things would always stay as good as before. But then again, everyone has moved on, so perhaps she should too.
Being indifferent is good. Seriously, Joanne, get a job & a life. Yes, I know. And I should really stop talking to myself. crazy Joanne. Apparently Joanne is not only crazy, she's retarded too according to crazy Amanda. Haha!
*am listening to Waltzing Matilda - cheer-up song (:*
Have a good day! HUGS.
Happier because I'm laughing more but I feel bad, laughing at other people. Omg seriously, how bitchy can you get Joanne? Yes I'm one hell of a bitch.
Ok, crap aside, I'm happy because I managed to catch up with people, studied a bit, talked to mum on MSN (yes I know, coolest mum I have, haha), being a little indifferent (yes I regard that as something to be happy about :p). I got interviews too. Not that I've gotten any jobs offer, but yes, good things come to those who wait. I seriously hope so, else Joanne is going to enter another phase of depression.
Please don't jinx my job applications, please. Thanks.
Despite the fact that I'm losing sleep because I'm losing the grip of life, I still try to keep my optimism high, I don't know what do I feed my optimism but yeah, I use happy songs & good reads, since I don't have money for happy food. Sometimes I get crazy and happy companies too and those are my life bonuses! (:
Life can be suffocating but yeah Joanne is surviving. Life is never all nice and beautiful, feeling stifled at times but still moving on just fine. So yeah, Joanne is ok (: all she has to do is just keep breathing.
Joanne is still working on the communication problem, she has no idea how, and sometimes she feels that she should just not give a damn. Maybe she shouldn't try so hard, life might be easier on her perhaps.
Oh I received a Teacher's Day present from my tutee haha. English is definitely not easy to teach, how does one teach vocabularies? Help me. And they even have Mark Twain's work as cloze passage now, I can't even comprehend the whole article at first read. I know I suck. I try my best to help him. Don't mention about words like kleptomaniac, biblioklept, stoic etc. appearing in questions, I have to do homework before going for classes, seriously.
Well, Joanne is still very much an idealistic. Although things have changed, she would very much hope things would always stay as good as before. But then again, everyone has moved on, so perhaps she should too.
Being indifferent is good. Seriously, Joanne, get a job & a life. Yes, I know. And I should really stop talking to myself. crazy Joanne. Apparently Joanne is not only crazy, she's retarded too according to crazy Amanda. Haha!
*am listening to Waltzing Matilda - cheer-up song (:*
Have a good day! HUGS.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
just a short one
Dear readers,
Joanne is still alive and breathing. Nothing to update except that Joanne is still waiting for a turning point in life. She does not know when that's coming, but Joanne sees light at the end of the tunnel, well, god knows what's coming?
Pretentious is a skill Joanne must learn to be comfortable with, she hates that. If she could, she would just avoid. She only have little time to be herself these days, pretending to be someone else is the last thing she would want to do.
It doesn't make much difference whether day or night, Joanne is most of the time invisible. Nah, no more disappearing act, Joanne is not a street magician, if she were, she would have been making big money, busy appearing on TV and not stuck in a small room in a tiny island.
This is short. Until something new and cheery comes along, Joanne will not talk about her nonexistent life.
p.s. she needs all the love the world could spare.
Anyway thanks dear ones who always try to cheer Joanne up. She'll be doing just fine. (:
with love~
"I need a reason to stay here. I need a reason to get up in the morning, I need to wake up and not cared that it is raining or I'm 39 and alone. I need the job, Richard." Dr Montgomery.
"That's why; if you need the job to get a life, you either need a new job or a new life." Dr Webber.
Joanne needs a new job & a new life. (:
Joanne is still alive and breathing. Nothing to update except that Joanne is still waiting for a turning point in life. She does not know when that's coming, but Joanne sees light at the end of the tunnel, well, god knows what's coming?
Pretentious is a skill Joanne must learn to be comfortable with, she hates that. If she could, she would just avoid. She only have little time to be herself these days, pretending to be someone else is the last thing she would want to do.
It doesn't make much difference whether day or night, Joanne is most of the time invisible. Nah, no more disappearing act, Joanne is not a street magician, if she were, she would have been making big money, busy appearing on TV and not stuck in a small room in a tiny island.
This is short. Until something new and cheery comes along, Joanne will not talk about her nonexistent life.
p.s. she needs all the love the world could spare.
Anyway thanks dear ones who always try to cheer Joanne up. She'll be doing just fine. (:
with love~
"I need a reason to stay here. I need a reason to get up in the morning, I need to wake up and not cared that it is raining or I'm 39 and alone. I need the job, Richard." Dr Montgomery.
"That's why; if you need the job to get a life, you either need a new job or a new life." Dr Webber.
Joanne needs a new job & a new life. (:
Saturday, August 25, 2007
less morbid entry
Daffodils by William Wordsworth
I wander'd lonely as a cloud
that floats on high o'er vales and hills,
when all at once I saw a crowd,
a host, of golden daffodils
(last few lines)
for oft, when on my couch I lie
in vacant or in pensive mood,
they flash upon that inward eye
which is the bliss of solitude;
and then my heart with pleasure fills,
and dances with the daffodils.
***
So what? I don't know seriously. Just something less morbid. Daffodils - flowers, you see. :) haha, yeah right. I figured it out, the problem, I meant, it's not the job. It's more complicated than that.
Career, I know what I want. Yes, after weeks of thinking, finally. At least I got it sorted out.
Life, it's still a blur. Not something within my control seriously.
Sometimes it hurts a lot when I know I am just fading away from the life that I had had. Don't even know for sure am I still in it or not haha, but this is life, there's much more to say, so much more but... I disappeared. At a point, I was fighting, but then I thought, for a second, what's the point, and then I stop fighting. Seriously, it's pointless if you're just fighting alone, you get tired, unmotivated, and you'll just surrender when you've reached the limit.
Yeah, this is Joanne today :) oh by the way thanks for the loves & prayers. I love you all too.
I wander'd lonely as a cloud
that floats on high o'er vales and hills,
when all at once I saw a crowd,
a host, of golden daffodils
(last few lines)
for oft, when on my couch I lie
in vacant or in pensive mood,
they flash upon that inward eye
which is the bliss of solitude;
and then my heart with pleasure fills,
and dances with the daffodils.
***
So what? I don't know seriously. Just something less morbid. Daffodils - flowers, you see. :) haha, yeah right. I figured it out, the problem, I meant, it's not the job. It's more complicated than that.
Career, I know what I want. Yes, after weeks of thinking, finally. At least I got it sorted out.
Life, it's still a blur. Not something within my control seriously.
Sometimes it hurts a lot when I know I am just fading away from the life that I had had. Don't even know for sure am I still in it or not haha, but this is life, there's much more to say, so much more but... I disappeared. At a point, I was fighting, but then I thought, for a second, what's the point, and then I stop fighting. Seriously, it's pointless if you're just fighting alone, you get tired, unmotivated, and you'll just surrender when you've reached the limit.
Yeah, this is Joanne today :) oh by the way thanks for the loves & prayers. I love you all too.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
overrated
I miss a lot of things
I hell do
Life is too short to be missed
Life is too short to be judged
Just live it
Enjoy
Life is short, and it sucks most of the time
I'm having conversations with myself in my head all the time
scary
lonely
If I have gone missing, who will notice my absence? Perhaps I'll just be a Jane Doe.
Talking is overrated
Silence is overrated
Whole world changes when someone you love dies or leaves, life will never be the same anymore and you will never be okay as before. But people move on, pretending to be ok.
Love is overrated.
When the worst case scenario comes true, clinging onto hope is all we got left.
It's exhausting.
Letting go seems impossible. What does it feel like to be at ground zero again?
NUS Choir shouldn't really be part of my life now, but I couldn't seem to get it out of my system. Told you the moving on part is obviously not working well with me.
Addictions kill.
Slow death.
Life is overrated. Seriously.
I hell do
Life is too short to be missed
Life is too short to be judged
Just live it
Enjoy
Life is short, and it sucks most of the time
I'm having conversations with myself in my head all the time
scary
lonely
If I have gone missing, who will notice my absence? Perhaps I'll just be a Jane Doe.
Talking is overrated
Silence is overrated
Whole world changes when someone you love dies or leaves, life will never be the same anymore and you will never be okay as before. But people move on, pretending to be ok.
Love is overrated.
When the worst case scenario comes true, clinging onto hope is all we got left.
It's exhausting.
Letting go seems impossible. What does it feel like to be at ground zero again?
NUS Choir shouldn't really be part of my life now, but I couldn't seem to get it out of my system. Told you the moving on part is obviously not working well with me.
Addictions kill.
Slow death.
Life is overrated. Seriously.
Monday, August 13, 2007
fear
to be lonely in a crowd. scary.
keep myself busy with endless jobs.
it's a tired life. not fantastic pay. but at least it gets my mind off from thinking the unthinkable.
keep myself busy with endless jobs.
it's a tired life. not fantastic pay. but at least it gets my mind off from thinking the unthinkable.
Monday, August 06, 2007
I don't know why
I posted such a long entry... haha, since I've been writing might as well publish. Yes, perhaps I am emo :) so what. No internet for the time being yeah, that entry should keep you guys long enough for a week or so. :p
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
super emo stuff for your entertainment haha
Intended blog entry 02082007 1553hr
Numbness is all I am. I have not a clue what to do of my career. I am being judged every day.
The whole world is looking at me, I am afraid of making mistakes. I give away one opportunity after another. People are certainly laughing behind my back I pretend not to notice and laugh it off when it happened to be in front of me.
Do I want to do sales? Yes, I do. But, there is always a ‘but’; I don’t want to be an irritating sales girl. Fuck. Life is definitely not easy.
Seriously, seriously, think about it, do you actually give a damn? Its all about the money isn’t it? Yes it is the money, and the time. The money and the time. And the love, the love which I never have, and I do not know whether will I ever.
I am in denial. How do I keep myself from drowning if denial is an ocean? Throw me a life jacket. Seriously.
I want the time of my life. I do not want to sell my time and soul to my career. It’s ridiculous. I want to do the things that I enjoy doing. I want to help people in the process. Altruism? Not quite. I’d say is selfishness. People help just to make themselves feel good about them selves. Speak about stupidity of human race.
Joanne is a lonely person. She is. Life is not a spectator sport; it’s more than just a game. It is not just about winning or losing. Sometimes when I win, I don’t feel happy. But I always try and feel sense of gratitude. I am thankful for who I am today, for making through another day of my life, but no, I am not joyous grateful. Gratitude and joy not necessarily come in hand.
I’m fine. I’m not sad. I’m far worse than feeling sad, in a way. I’m just jaded. Fighting the battle all by myself. People are there watching, they cheer, they support, they give words of encouragement, but seriously, you are all alone out there fighting the combat.
Sometimes, you feel like just giving the hell up. But you turn your head and see all the people up there at the audience seat, you just couldn’t do this to them. You just have to go on, until your last breath. You can’t call halt until the game is over. That’s the rule of life.
Face the harsh truth, you’re stuck in this whether you like it or not.
Yet another entry 03082007 1157hr
Seriously, I am all alone here. I don’t get any support that I need.
90% ppl at least discourage me joining insurance industry. Reasons being wasting my skills and education, losing friends & being disliked by most ppl. The truth is I'm scared.
“It’s up to you :) really" is the best reply anyone could give. And thanks, sincerely, at least you guys bother to listen :) *hugs*
I have no words to express my fear. It’s like going against everyone’s will. But then again, whose life am I living?
Taking up this career means more challenges ahead definitely, and it’s one hell of a challenge that is to change the mindset of the people. I ask myself truthfully, is it all about the money, no it is not. I want a career where I can learn, acquire skills which are applicable to life where I can help myself and others. Sounds bull shitting, maybe I am, maybe I am being a selfish bitch.
Am I prepared to face the cold shudders from people, friends even, perhaps being the talk over family dinner, being the topic of discussion, exhibit in the zoo, like I am some stupid swine. Spent a fortune on an NUS mechanical engineering degree and join the insurance industry. What the fuck is wrong with that?
Joanne, do you see yourself like that? If you are, I advice that you don’t take up this path. You are going to torture yourself.
Honestly?
Seriously, I never have once thought I’ve wasted my money, or education on my degree. It has given me more than just education, it’s the exposure, the experiences, the kind of education life I will never get back home. I’ve grown and changed so much in the past 4 years. Better or worse that I leave you to judge. However, the talks of the town do affect me, as much as I would like to say it doesn’t, it does, a little. I get discouraged when the whole world is against me, especially when I’m in times of trouble. I need to ensure I have a listening ear all the time. Just one. That’s all I’m asking for. A person who will always be there to listen, to give their honest truthful opinion, to show me the harsh truth when I’m blinded, to scold me when I’m being foolish, to comfort me when I’m sad, to share my happiness and joy, and in return, I will do the same.
I really want a career which I can find meaning in doing, where I can contribute something to myself, to others as well. I want financial freedom, I want time to do the things I love.
A friend brought up an issue worth for thought. Why would someone entrust his/her personal finances/wealth to a stranger who might have the intention to earn profit out of it? Good point. I wouldn’t want to disclose my finances to a stranger as well. It’s all about building trust and maintaining career professionalism.
So help me, help me find that courage. I do not know how all this will turn out. I am afraid. I’m all alone. I have this feeling, people are only there waiting to see me fail and fall and no one will be catching me from below.
Am I ready to make a drastic change? Another change.
Joanne really is tired but the journey is long. Rest stop isn’t really a rest stop if you are alone. I’m tired of thinking. I wish I knew the answer.
Haha *smiles* I still could not come to a conclusion. Seriously, I feel like I should just die now. End all this misery and shit.
I don’t have a career, I don’t have a life. What am I living for?
Sigh. To put it bluntly, I am not ok. I am not fine. Stop asking that so that I don’t have to tell a lie every time anyone asks. I am going nuts. Seriously.
Another intended entry 06082007 1307hr (Grey's elements inside haha)
Have you ever witnessed death? What it is like to see someone you love die?
Everyone lies. Everyone has secrets. There is always a line where we crossed and we wished we never did. We make corrections and we are on the other side of the line again. But, there have been changes. Things will never be the same again… even though we are on the safe side, on the other side of the line.
I do not know why birth and death always make me cry. I guess I am more complicated person than I ever thought I was. I cried, again. I’m glad I did. Crying does me good. Thanks to Grey's, again. :)
For the past week, I have been thinking a lot. I mean, really a lot. I am lonely here, bored, and I feel utterly stupid for crossing the line and not being able to cross back. Physically I am on the safe side, but really, I am at the opposite side.
Many a times I tell myself I will be ok. I am. I really do think I am. How can I not be ok?
Some things just can’t get off my head. People move on. I move on. Whether I like it or not, I have to. And stop getting myself caught in the web again.
I lied.
When life is actually much more fearful than death, we are ready to embrace death. I do not know which do I fear more, life or death?
I do think I am crazy. With such thoughts going through my head… how much weirder can I get?
p.s. I might just drop insurance in the end.
p.p.s. You know what, if only I have an avid group of readers. I’ll write. I will.
Numbness is all I am. I have not a clue what to do of my career. I am being judged every day.
The whole world is looking at me, I am afraid of making mistakes. I give away one opportunity after another. People are certainly laughing behind my back I pretend not to notice and laugh it off when it happened to be in front of me.
Do I want to do sales? Yes, I do. But, there is always a ‘but’; I don’t want to be an irritating sales girl. Fuck. Life is definitely not easy.
Seriously, seriously, think about it, do you actually give a damn? Its all about the money isn’t it? Yes it is the money, and the time. The money and the time. And the love, the love which I never have, and I do not know whether will I ever.
I am in denial. How do I keep myself from drowning if denial is an ocean? Throw me a life jacket. Seriously.
I want the time of my life. I do not want to sell my time and soul to my career. It’s ridiculous. I want to do the things that I enjoy doing. I want to help people in the process. Altruism? Not quite. I’d say is selfishness. People help just to make themselves feel good about them selves. Speak about stupidity of human race.
Joanne is a lonely person. She is. Life is not a spectator sport; it’s more than just a game. It is not just about winning or losing. Sometimes when I win, I don’t feel happy. But I always try and feel sense of gratitude. I am thankful for who I am today, for making through another day of my life, but no, I am not joyous grateful. Gratitude and joy not necessarily come in hand.
I’m fine. I’m not sad. I’m far worse than feeling sad, in a way. I’m just jaded. Fighting the battle all by myself. People are there watching, they cheer, they support, they give words of encouragement, but seriously, you are all alone out there fighting the combat.
Sometimes, you feel like just giving the hell up. But you turn your head and see all the people up there at the audience seat, you just couldn’t do this to them. You just have to go on, until your last breath. You can’t call halt until the game is over. That’s the rule of life.
Face the harsh truth, you’re stuck in this whether you like it or not.
Yet another entry 03082007 1157hr
Seriously, I am all alone here. I don’t get any support that I need.
90% ppl at least discourage me joining insurance industry. Reasons being wasting my skills and education, losing friends & being disliked by most ppl. The truth is I'm scared.
“It’s up to you :) really" is the best reply anyone could give. And thanks, sincerely, at least you guys bother to listen :) *hugs*
I have no words to express my fear. It’s like going against everyone’s will. But then again, whose life am I living?
Taking up this career means more challenges ahead definitely, and it’s one hell of a challenge that is to change the mindset of the people. I ask myself truthfully, is it all about the money, no it is not. I want a career where I can learn, acquire skills which are applicable to life where I can help myself and others. Sounds bull shitting, maybe I am, maybe I am being a selfish bitch.
Am I prepared to face the cold shudders from people, friends even, perhaps being the talk over family dinner, being the topic of discussion, exhibit in the zoo, like I am some stupid swine. Spent a fortune on an NUS mechanical engineering degree and join the insurance industry. What the fuck is wrong with that?
Joanne, do you see yourself like that? If you are, I advice that you don’t take up this path. You are going to torture yourself.
Honestly?
Seriously, I never have once thought I’ve wasted my money, or education on my degree. It has given me more than just education, it’s the exposure, the experiences, the kind of education life I will never get back home. I’ve grown and changed so much in the past 4 years. Better or worse that I leave you to judge. However, the talks of the town do affect me, as much as I would like to say it doesn’t, it does, a little. I get discouraged when the whole world is against me, especially when I’m in times of trouble. I need to ensure I have a listening ear all the time. Just one. That’s all I’m asking for. A person who will always be there to listen, to give their honest truthful opinion, to show me the harsh truth when I’m blinded, to scold me when I’m being foolish, to comfort me when I’m sad, to share my happiness and joy, and in return, I will do the same.
I really want a career which I can find meaning in doing, where I can contribute something to myself, to others as well. I want financial freedom, I want time to do the things I love.
A friend brought up an issue worth for thought. Why would someone entrust his/her personal finances/wealth to a stranger who might have the intention to earn profit out of it? Good point. I wouldn’t want to disclose my finances to a stranger as well. It’s all about building trust and maintaining career professionalism.
So help me, help me find that courage. I do not know how all this will turn out. I am afraid. I’m all alone. I have this feeling, people are only there waiting to see me fail and fall and no one will be catching me from below.
Am I ready to make a drastic change? Another change.
Joanne really is tired but the journey is long. Rest stop isn’t really a rest stop if you are alone. I’m tired of thinking. I wish I knew the answer.
Haha *smiles* I still could not come to a conclusion. Seriously, I feel like I should just die now. End all this misery and shit.
I don’t have a career, I don’t have a life. What am I living for?
Sigh. To put it bluntly, I am not ok. I am not fine. Stop asking that so that I don’t have to tell a lie every time anyone asks. I am going nuts. Seriously.
Another intended entry 06082007 1307hr (Grey's elements inside haha)
Have you ever witnessed death? What it is like to see someone you love die?
Everyone lies. Everyone has secrets. There is always a line where we crossed and we wished we never did. We make corrections and we are on the other side of the line again. But, there have been changes. Things will never be the same again… even though we are on the safe side, on the other side of the line.
I do not know why birth and death always make me cry. I guess I am more complicated person than I ever thought I was. I cried, again. I’m glad I did. Crying does me good. Thanks to Grey's, again. :)
For the past week, I have been thinking a lot. I mean, really a lot. I am lonely here, bored, and I feel utterly stupid for crossing the line and not being able to cross back. Physically I am on the safe side, but really, I am at the opposite side.
Many a times I tell myself I will be ok. I am. I really do think I am. How can I not be ok?
Some things just can’t get off my head. People move on. I move on. Whether I like it or not, I have to. And stop getting myself caught in the web again.
I lied.
When life is actually much more fearful than death, we are ready to embrace death. I do not know which do I fear more, life or death?
I do think I am crazy. With such thoughts going through my head… how much weirder can I get?
p.s. I might just drop insurance in the end.
p.p.s. You know what, if only I have an avid group of readers. I’ll write. I will.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
I'm amused!
"Have you got a boyfriend?"
"No."
"I don't believe you."
Do I have "I have a boyfriend" written all over my face? What's so hard to believe haha. Uncle refused to believe. Aunt wasn't really convinced either. I need to get rid of that look, whatever that look is. :p
By the way I got THE question today! "Have you found a job yet?" Got it several times, I predict to hear more of them later since am going to meet up with friends for dinner.
"Have you found a job yet?"
"No. still looking, went for few interviews."
"What interviews?"
"I went for a bank interview."
"Huh, why bank?" gave me the VERY surprised look. It's not that I don't want engineering job, but I wasn't called for interview, not my fault. *frowns* Banks are not that bad what, not that I'm working at the river banks. Stressful ya, what job is not?
Haha, I'm lazy to write down the whole conversation. It's pretty much the same. I could just have the conversation by myself.
By the way, I just baked a cake. :) happy.
This morning, ah ma pulled out her dialysis tube half way through the process, blood spurted out and dirtied the place and her all over. sigh. troubled the nurses there, again. Anyway, rushed down to hospital in the morning with aunt to send her clean clothes.
Got my new IC. "Kaunter Perkahwinan & Perceraian" [marriage & divorce counter] is at the same department too haha. It's funny and amusing to see couples coming in for registration. :p
Oh, I had durians & rambutans! very nice. :) Mum bought small shrimps too. Yummy!
So far holidays have been good. Not letting anyone or anything to ruin it. *smiles* Happy Holidays.
"No."
"I don't believe you."
Do I have "I have a boyfriend" written all over my face? What's so hard to believe haha. Uncle refused to believe. Aunt wasn't really convinced either. I need to get rid of that look, whatever that look is. :p
By the way I got THE question today! "Have you found a job yet?" Got it several times, I predict to hear more of them later since am going to meet up with friends for dinner.
"Have you found a job yet?"
"No. still looking, went for few interviews."
"What interviews?"
"I went for a bank interview."
"Huh, why bank?" gave me the VERY surprised look. It's not that I don't want engineering job, but I wasn't called for interview, not my fault. *frowns* Banks are not that bad what, not that I'm working at the river banks. Stressful ya, what job is not?
Haha, I'm lazy to write down the whole conversation. It's pretty much the same. I could just have the conversation by myself.
By the way, I just baked a cake. :) happy.
This morning, ah ma pulled out her dialysis tube half way through the process, blood spurted out and dirtied the place and her all over. sigh. troubled the nurses there, again. Anyway, rushed down to hospital in the morning with aunt to send her clean clothes.
Got my new IC. "Kaunter Perkahwinan & Perceraian" [marriage & divorce counter] is at the same department too haha. It's funny and amusing to see couples coming in for registration. :p
Oh, I had durians & rambutans! very nice. :) Mum bought small shrimps too. Yummy!
So far holidays have been good. Not letting anyone or anything to ruin it. *smiles* Happy Holidays.
Friday, July 20, 2007
commencement
Commenced! The beginning of many beginnings.Thank you mummy and daddy and bro :)
Thanks Joyce too I know you want to be here as well.
Thanks to my darlings!
Thanks xiugui for the lilies.
BIG HUGS with LOVE from piggy (yours truly)
I will definitely miss all the good times & bad times we had
As much as I am reluctant to move on
I am forced to get on with life
can't always be with you guys
but I have only one last request
grant my last request let me hold you
promise me that things will not get worse if not better
I wish you guys all the best in school, work, choir, everything.
you can always find me back where I left.
the friendships, bonds, love that we've established is priceless.
& they already occupy a special place in Joanne's heart.
Farewell! to a new beginning. cheers.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
innocence can never last
I learned to listen more these days
keeping the chatter box down than usual
I love to sing
I want to dance
Attended Denise's wedding today. For once I was touched by our singing, the Claire Benediction, people are actually listening to every word we sang, you could tell from their faces how much it meant to most of them. I had goosebumps. Yes I did. :) May Denise and Zachery have a happy married life. *hugs*
Yes, realized I won't frequent school that much after Thailand. I could. I want to. But there is no reason for me to. I will definitely miss RVR.
Nothing's wrong with me. It's just me. I'm Joanne. I treasure things a lot especially if it is special. I would do the same to everyone whom I care for. I never seek anything in return and I understand I couldn't expect everyone to be like me. It's okay.
Innocence can never last. It's wearing out. I can sense that it's depleting from my body. Perhaps that explains the more frequents deep thoughts etc. Maturity brings the cruel world to peopleeyes... and sometimes I wish I haven't seen the other side of mankind. It's the silent battle between friends, brothers and sisters are the scariest.
Let me sleep and don't wake me up even when September ends, can you? I'm officially tired. I know many others are more tired than me even. Even if I'm dead tired... this journey has to be continued. Rest, so that you can walk that extra mile. :)
keeping the chatter box down than usual
I love to sing
I want to dance
Attended Denise's wedding today. For once I was touched by our singing, the Claire Benediction, people are actually listening to every word we sang, you could tell from their faces how much it meant to most of them. I had goosebumps. Yes I did. :) May Denise and Zachery have a happy married life. *hugs*
Yes, realized I won't frequent school that much after Thailand. I could. I want to. But there is no reason for me to. I will definitely miss RVR.
Nothing's wrong with me. It's just me. I'm Joanne. I treasure things a lot especially if it is special. I would do the same to everyone whom I care for. I never seek anything in return and I understand I couldn't expect everyone to be like me. It's okay.
Innocence can never last. It's wearing out. I can sense that it's depleting from my body. Perhaps that explains the more frequents deep thoughts etc. Maturity brings the cruel world to peopleeyes... and sometimes I wish I haven't seen the other side of mankind. It's the silent battle between friends, brothers and sisters are the scariest.
Let me sleep and don't wake me up even when September ends, can you? I'm officially tired. I know many others are more tired than me even. Even if I'm dead tired... this journey has to be continued. Rest, so that you can walk that extra mile. :)
Thursday, July 05, 2007
ain't easy
life, I meant.
I tried. I'm tired. It's still in a mess.
Couldn't care to talk more these days. Not to mention the ceased of BHS. May my 2nd nature rest in peace. looking forward to your return. I wonder when will that be... hmm.
Superficiality tires the fuck out of me. Life is full of superficial. I hate it.
I should avoid crowd, really. I'm not in the mood at all to entertain people and put up an act.
"Just be yourself", easy said than done. I guess it's human nature to create a good atmosphere around the people one is with. It's not about a huge pretense or conspiracy, it's the polite form of act to get life going, to make people feel good about themselves and others. Do you get what I mean? It's difficult to explain. Girls think too much, I know. Haha. :) Oh well, that's why I shall talk less these days. And if I'm just being quieter don't worry I'm perfectly fine. When circumstances or situations change, people change as well. And we can only hope that the changes are for the good if not better. :)
A long break home away from this city is what I need most. I'm so looking forward to the week break at home after Thailand.
*hugs* love.
I tried. I'm tired. It's still in a mess.
Couldn't care to talk more these days. Not to mention the ceased of BHS. May my 2nd nature rest in peace. looking forward to your return. I wonder when will that be... hmm.
Superficiality tires the fuck out of me. Life is full of superficial. I hate it.
I should avoid crowd, really. I'm not in the mood at all to entertain people and put up an act.
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."
"Just be yourself", easy said than done. I guess it's human nature to create a good atmosphere around the people one is with. It's not about a huge pretense or conspiracy, it's the polite form of act to get life going, to make people feel good about themselves and others. Do you get what I mean? It's difficult to explain. Girls think too much, I know. Haha. :) Oh well, that's why I shall talk less these days. And if I'm just being quieter don't worry I'm perfectly fine. When circumstances or situations change, people change as well. And we can only hope that the changes are for the good if not better. :)
A long break home away from this city is what I need most. I'm so looking forward to the week break at home after Thailand.
*hugs* love.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
alone in the middle of the night...
just finished Standard Chartered Application. Look at the time... such unearthly hour! Internet was down until almost 2am. fuck.
still a bit not so used to everything else. haven't uttered any BHS for days. I'm losing it, myself, I'm afraid.
Yes I am focusing on job hunting. Should resume job search again! After I get a job, I should start on bf hunt haha. one step at a time girl :) start earning money and start the dating game again.
HW is damn right, I really need a soccer therapy, will do me best. I know I am a perfectionist don't have to remind me so many damn times. explains what a loser I am.
It's 0341hr I should just go sleep... yes, I should. goodnight! *hugs*
still a bit not so used to everything else. haven't uttered any BHS for days. I'm losing it, myself, I'm afraid.
Yes I am focusing on job hunting. Should resume job search again! After I get a job, I should start on bf hunt haha. one step at a time girl :) start earning money and start the dating game again.
HW is damn right, I really need a soccer therapy, will do me best. I know I am a perfectionist don't have to remind me so many damn times. explains what a loser I am.
It's 0341hr I should just go sleep... yes, I should. goodnight! *hugs*
Friday, June 29, 2007
it's THE END finally
Joanne is leaving, soon, for good, farewell to the life I am letting go... it's time to move on. :)
A little alcohol helps the sleep a little each night.
To my dear friends:
It has been an amazing time knowing all of you (darlings, brothers, sisters, friends etc.) really. Take good care & all the best in studies & other things in life that matter to you!
Love,
Joanne.
the alcohol is kickin' in. :) shall go to bed now and sweet dreams my dear ones! *hugs*
A little alcohol helps the sleep a little each night.
To my dear friends:
It has been an amazing time knowing all of you (darlings, brothers, sisters, friends etc.) really. Take good care & all the best in studies & other things in life that matter to you!
Love,
Joanne.
the alcohol is kickin' in. :) shall go to bed now and sweet dreams my dear ones! *hugs*
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
youtube
Connie Talbot & Travis and Heidi are my daily doses of youtube entertainment. :)
Joanne can't help but smile every time she sees Connie and hears her voice. Travis and Heidi's dance is simply remarkable.
Joanne can't help but smile every time she sees Connie and hears her voice. Travis and Heidi's dance is simply remarkable.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
At a cross road...
waiting for god-knows-what... has no idea but still waiting, patience is running low though.
mood is ... *blank* not happy nor sad nor mad just hollow, empty.
needs soccer therapy, a real holiday, and a good book to read. A good company will be a bonus! :)
***
I realized I have been behaving rather indifferent lately, sorry about that. can't help it. life sucks and am tired with everything.
me: dude, where the fuck is my holiday?!?
dude: oh, your holiday is on vacation.
*laughs* mad.
now now... don't give me that look :) *hugs* love you all!
mood is ... *blank* not happy nor sad nor mad just hollow, empty.
needs soccer therapy, a real holiday, and a good book to read. A good company will be a bonus! :)
***
I realized I have been behaving rather indifferent lately, sorry about that. can't help it. life sucks and am tired with everything.
me: dude, where the fuck is my holiday?!?
dude: oh, your holiday is on vacation.
*laughs* mad.
now now... don't give me that look :) *hugs* love you all!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
stupidity
1. I am awe at the extent of stupidity one can get.
2. What I once thought were important no longer are now... this only mean one thing. Joanne is getting old. :)
2. What I once thought were important no longer are now... this only mean one thing. Joanne is getting old. :)
Monday, June 11, 2007
insignificant
While millions of people are striving hard for survival, somewhere out there some people are worried about insignificant things, worried about their past (which cannot be undone or changed), getting worked up for some ridiculous reasons. and in one corner of a tiny sunny island, Joanne is trying to sort out her life, getting a job, get out from stupid mess, gear up & move on with life. It has been a great 4 university years, especially the final year of her uni life.
Joanne should apologized for being violent, vulgar & defensive these days, though sometimes you guys deserved it. Haha... come to think of it, perhaps she should just be this way and continue to be outspoken and behaves however she likes. carefree. :p
Anyway, Kur, I know you are reading this... haha, yes I am haha-ing you. Thanks for transforming me into whoever I am now *hugs* what will I be without you? That's enough, else your head going to grow bigger.
1 July is the date to move out from RVR. Til then, have all the fun, before Joanne bids goodbye... and this is a song from MCR to all.
Love, Joanne. :)
Joanne should apologized for being violent, vulgar & defensive these days, though sometimes you guys deserved it. Haha... come to think of it, perhaps she should just be this way and continue to be outspoken and behaves however she likes. carefree. :p
Anyway, Kur, I know you are reading this... haha, yes I am haha-ing you. Thanks for transforming me into whoever I am now *hugs* what will I be without you? That's enough, else your head going to grow bigger.
1 July is the date to move out from RVR. Til then, have all the fun, before Joanne bids goodbye... and this is a song from MCR to all.
Love, Joanne. :)
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Hello everyone
Joanne is still coughing like mad girl, until her stomach's muscles ache. Huixian said can tone the abs *frowns* Joanne thinks that she'd rather do crunches. She is considering relocating her blog, it's dumb to maintain this blog now.
Work is boring. John Tucker is lame. Earning money is not easy. And no, Joanne is not going to write an emo entry, at least not now. Our PM is remarrying, how lost touch am I with the Malaysian news!
Secrets are well kept. buried forever. Fantasies don't come true. Get a real life. Joanne feels like running away again, she secretly hopes that she gets a job overseas & start a new life where no one knows her. It can be done, Joanne is independent. Oh yeah, Joanne submitted UBS graduate training program application yesterday *fingers crossed*
Joanne did something stupid, again. please stop repeating the story. :) thanks
Work is boring. John Tucker is lame. Earning money is not easy. And no, Joanne is not going to write an emo entry, at least not now. Our PM is remarrying, how lost touch am I with the Malaysian news!
Secrets are well kept. buried forever. Fantasies don't come true. Get a real life. Joanne feels like running away again, she secretly hopes that she gets a job overseas & start a new life where no one knows her. It can be done, Joanne is independent. Oh yeah, Joanne submitted UBS graduate training program application yesterday *fingers crossed*
Joanne did something stupid, again. please stop repeating the story. :) thanks
Monday, June 04, 2007
Tell me
Nowadays I can't even blog properly by having to think that at some point in time, some idiots are going to read my entry aloud at my presence. stupid guys! :p
Tell me how am I going to write anything these days... probably to document more BHS.
Anyway, Joanne needs money, tell her how to make money the fastest legal way and she's in dire need in securing a permanent job with decent pay. She has to move out from RVR in a months time and she's going to miss this place a lot, where she'd stayed for 3 years.
Life sucks. But still life has to go on whether you like it or not.
Tell me how am I going to write anything these days... probably to document more BHS.
Anyway, Joanne needs money, tell her how to make money the fastest legal way and she's in dire need in securing a permanent job with decent pay. She has to move out from RVR in a months time and she's going to miss this place a lot, where she'd stayed for 3 years.
Life sucks. But still life has to go on whether you like it or not.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
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