Yet Another Faint Episode

It couldn't be any less embarrassing for me.

On my way back from work, decided to give my 14th contribution to the blood supplies of Singapore. And so alas, happily after reducing a certain load of iron, and replenished myself with a cup of hot milo, I made my way home by taking the MRT. What a wise choice of transportation Joanne Lim! Of course there wasn't any seat at that rush hour. And I was still making fun of the fact that a person with bandaged arm never gets a seat.

I survived well until 2 stations before my intended stop, I knew I was going to get a faint spell, asked a hot guy in pink shirt to give his seat to me. Yes, he was kind enough to give me his seat. I tried my best not to throw up in the train. After I reached my destination, I asked the same guy to help me out of the train too. You see, getting in/out of the train at that hour is almost impossible when you have limited energy left.

Finally some fresh air!

I thanked the guy went straight to the bench. Didn't know or care whatever that happened around me. I sat down. Next thing I knew I was having a dream that I was in the MRT platform and lying on the ground. Guess what? I WAS lying on the ground. ultimate embarrassment. I don't have to tell you the stares and the attention. SMRT staff, onlookers, and I dunno... bah. Found my specs on the ground dented, gathered myself up sit on the bench, got my phone and dialed help.

Thank you for being there to help a distress woman.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention the end bit. I was wheel-chaired out of the station all the way back home.

All in all, it was a rather scary episode. Scary because, I realized how dangerous it could be if one is unconscious, one knows nothing that's happening. If this is how death would be, a consolation to all is that, it is a painless experience. not if you wake up and realized you got hurt.

That was it. And I really really do hope that no one recognizes me as the girl who fainted. fingers crossed.

I'm an idiot who is 5000 miles away from home

It's a cold sunny day, currently at 13degC, I dislike the cold air. And the day is moving slowly... like slllooooooowlly.

Not a good day, I'm feeling so guilty for having left the garage door open. Well technically, I didn't leave it open, instead I accidentally unknowingly pressed the remote controller of the garage door while walking away from it heading to the bus stop. So is self inflict guilt upon myself would make myself feel better about the incident? NO. Hence, logically, I should NOT feel guilty since it doesn't help elevate the situation nor change the outcome. YES. But, being a normal human who is , in my opinion, idiotic, we LIKE to feel bad about ourselves and telling yourself that feeling bad about it is the right thing to do. Well for sure, I will remember the garage incident whenever I have to close a garage for the rest of my life. Awesome, another item on the paranoid list. kaching!

Why am I such a moron? 

And then life goes on, we all pretend that the morning incident was not a big deal, regardless how everyone has felt or is feeling. We all wear a smile, but what lies beneath is for you to imagine, not for you to find out.

me time

Enjoying my me time, cleaning my room :) while listening to piano instrumental background music, on a Friday morning. And just doing nothing. Don't even feel like stepping out from the nice flat (my temporary bubble).

How I miss the peacefulness and sheer bliss of solitary.. NICE (:

It's going to be a great day, great weekend and it will only get better.

I'm on a temporary escape from stupidity, ignorance, peabrains and nitwits! Haha, yes I'm such an evil selfish bitch.

Cheers to all the awesome people out there!

peaceful night (:

It is one of the rare nights where I feel at peace, very much at peace. It is as if nothing else matters. (:

Tonight is quiet, no drilling sound from the flat downstairs, no TV noises, no chatters... just the sound of me typing away on the keyboard and the music playing on my macbook. perfecto.

I love tonight's serenity. I wish the same to you too :)

Another randomness

I didn't realize that it has been this long since I have last contributed to this blog of mine. I question its existence or rather, its non-existence in this cob-webbed world. Who reads blogs these days, when they have Facebook and Twitters and whatever they are.

It has been very eventful for the past few months, more than half a year has gone by since I last updated. Guess what was my last post, I was confused and crazy. Do you want to make a wild guess what situation I am in now? BINGO, confused and yes, still crazy, for some people. It depends on your perception of what's normal and what's not normal, to define the line of insanity, :) I'll leave that to you.

Actually I just missed writing, or perhaps, talking (writing, I meant) to myself. Writing allows me to talk aloud to myself, and I don't really care if it makes sense or otherwise to whoever that is reading them. This is meant for me, not you, sorry there.

I think, the world is getting crazy, the people are crazy. Maybe I don't fit in here anymore. I do not feel compelled to conform to society, yet I also feel foreign within the sea of familiarities. So many why(s) in everyday lives yet no answers.

I've decided, let's not get into there, it's gonna be a real commotion if I were to start on the whole crazy topic. Let's fill in the 6months gap here. Let's see, I've finished year 1 of my studies, studied and sat for 6 papers, yes that was a feat, considering I had to work AND study, haha. I've successfully neglected most of my friends, well done Joanne on that. I went to Yogjakarta, it was my first trip for this year and it was GREAT. Now just don't ask me where's Yogjakarta, since you are reading it, which means you have the luxury of Google. Use that. Thank you. I completed my 2nd half marathon in Sepang. After exams, I went hiking with my family up Broga Hill in KL, I learned ice-cream making, I went mangrove kayaking, I learned about dog shelters, volunteered and painted mural wall with my friends, all in 1 month and life is still moving at a rather fair speed.

Oh and one last thing, I finally got myself to watch the Star Wars Series, didn't complete all 6 episodes. But, it's suffice (: May the force be with you.

It's an abrupt end, I'm tired, I don't care, and I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight folks!

do I need a shrink?

1. Do you hear voices in your head?

2. Do you talk to yourself?

3. Do you have an imaginary friend?

If you have answered yes to all 3 questions above, you probably need to see a psychiatrist to get your head treated. A wire in your brain probably is loose or disconnected or something.

Good luck. No, I do not have a recommendation for you. If you have found one who is good, let me know, will be handy to have his/her contact.

Thank you.

good begets good

That's how the universe is :) and once again, life is good, I hope that it only gets better, one way or another.

Despite how selfish human beings are, how dysfunctional society has become, the fundamental universal law holds - good begets good.

I'm very thankful for the great, friendly and nice people that I have met along the way. The people who have extended their help in one way or another. The people who have made me to who I am today. And most of all, the people who has given me opportunity to be myself, liking me for who I am, and to be truthful and sincere to me, even it means to tell me off right at my face. I really appreciate that. (:

Transfer that little happiness to someone, something, anyone, anything. Pay it forward. Goodness will come around the corner before you know it.

Our world needs a little kindness :)

Love,

Jo

Life as a student, again

I'm in the library, supposed to be studying, but well, obviously, I'm not. One month ago, I would not know what it is like to be as only just a student, or as a jobless person, or to know what's on TV in the day. One month ago, I was still fighting my ass off to wake up at unearthly hour, and now here I am, time is with me, or is it really so?

I get lots of questions, like "why did you leave your job before securing another one?", "why are you studying again?", "why do you go travel alone?", "are you being emo? are you ok?", "so are you looking for a job? have you found one?"

I have only one answer to all the "why"s questions. :) WHY NOT?

Of course I'm ok, more than ok (: I'm at peace. yes I'm looking for a job, and no, I have not found one.

"are you worried that you'll never get a job?"

No I'm not worried, what's the worst can it be? I can wait the tables if times are desperate.

"Seriously?"

Seriously.

As for now, I'm a student. It felt great to be having lunch in the school canteen, though I must admit I felt a bit old to be amongst the kids and their conversations made me smile, thinking of the good old days. Gone were the days that I was a full-time student. Haha.

Life is good for me now. But it won't be long, eventually I would still need to get out of this shelter and go out and fight the world haha for survival.

Ok till my next post, bye peeps.

Love, Jo

Dilemma

We face many options in life, there are many cross roads, sometimes it is more than just left or right, or left right forward or back, or left right and three quarter, or even spider webs kind of paths.

And now, here I am, in the most basic form of all, yes or no? Ultimately, it all boils down to just 2 choices.

So I started asking myself mind boggling questions (these crazy questions just come swimming into my head) like:

"What do I want to achieve in life?"

"Is it wealth? health? joy? peace? more time? fame?"

"Do I care about other people's judments?"

"What do they think?"

"Am I wasting my time? money? effort?"

"Am I wasting my education? my life?"

"Am I avoiding the obvious challenge?"

"Am I merely choosing the easier option?" "If so, what's wrong?" "If not, why not?"

"Should I wait a little longer?"

"Should I consult more people? Should I ask my mother? my father? my husband? my wife? my best friend?"

"What happened to asking myself what do I want?"

"Do I know what do I want?"

'Or do you just think you know what you want?'

"Should I consider other people's benefits into making my decision?"

"What happens if I choose this, will she be happy? Will he be disappointed?"

"What happened to the question 'will I be happy?'"

This is CRAZY. Most of the time, people would just end up stuck in The Waiting Place. (I quoted Dr.Seuss twice)

Seriously, big chunk of it is about worrying what would people think, of which, I have zero control of.

Anyway, as of now, I still have to wait for a reply, and then I will have my yes or no.

p.s. today is going to be a good good day (: cos I have a slight revelation. haha, keep it up!

Hello World (:

Everything seems a little different when someone starts something new at the beginning.

I woke up this morning feeling strange, the fact that I'm officially an unemployed, zero cashflow in, with so much of fix cashflow out. Wow, it's scary. And I wonder, how do ppl survive having gap year. No, I'm not having a gap year, probably months. It depends how soon water run dries in the bank. Oops. Let's not even start thinking about it for the moment.

Ok, so it's my first day of a new life. Nothing much interesting, spent time cleaning up my mess the whole morning, and I got tired, and decided to procrastinate a little and so here I am, rambling my thoughts away.

New life is going to start with some reflections of the past, in the island of Bali, (: also my marked virgin solo trip to a place where I have not been to, do not know anyone there, and do not really fully understand the local language, and hmm, the trip is pretty much unplanned. haha, except flights and accommodation. Well, hope all turns out alright and well, and I'll update when I'm back.

So, that's pretty much about it, and I ought to get back to cleaning. BTW, I'm still boring, who will ever find this interesting anyway. at this point, I'm already bored reading what I've written.

Outta here now. bye (:

LOVES

Good morning Sunday

I love Sundays, don't you love Sundays? (:

Sunday is gym day, Sunday is a day to rest and relax and catch up with all the things that we could not have possible done for the past Monday - Saturday. Sunday is always family day! But not right here that is not :( My family is not here....

Anyways, am counting down my days to the end of a chapter and a new one soon.

New phase will start off with Bali (: and we'll see what life brings me on from there? This marks my first solo backpack trip, the beginning of many more to come. Here goes Project Bucket List.

Love, Jo

Leap of Faith

Fear & Anxiety. To take the leap of faith. Can I do it?

I need thrust to move forward.

I need trust to move forward.

Think. Plan. Action.

Stay Strong.

kinda sad...

that Japan is out :( from the World Cup 2010 by penalty shoot-out 5-3 to Paraguay. enough said. and big men do cry, after all.

My shoes are taken away from me

And I'm very sad, for the fact that I lost my pair of cheap and nice New Balance running shoes. The shoes which conquered Mt. Kinabalu with me, together we fought the coldness and the rain and the slippery hills, and the ditches and God knows what else there was in the earth of the sacred highest mountain of Borneo.

The shoes that finished 10 km marathon in 70mins

The shoes that have yet to mark its first half marathon which is scheduled to happen this Nov 2010.

I'm going to miss my grey and pink pair of lovely running shoes... I do hope it finds itself in a good pair of feet and does justice to it, I hope it will travel to more places, and not ended up in junkyard or smelly disease-infected feet.

This was the pair of shoes that stayed with me when I cry in loneliness, when I laugh in joy, when I triumph the impossible, my loyal pair of shoes, may you be in a better place.

Love,

the rightful owner of the shoe

p.s. yes I know I'm crazed, when was I not anyway? sobs... mourning the loss of my shoes.

SEARCH FOR SELF

SEA: Vietnam or Thailand?

Europe: Turkey or Greece?

POACHED EGGS ((:

Poached eggs with toast, sourdough or any wheat bread for that matter ((: brings out the joy at the start of the day!

Yummylicious!

That's one of the things I am definitely going to learn to master in my lifetime.

LOVE

BLINK!

BLINK! THINK! and in a WINK!

see the strong wings on time? it flies. what happened if you catch hold on a fly, it dies. and the same goes for every lives. catch hold on life too tight, it dies, it goes with the wind with a sigh...

treat yourself better, for all that matter, as life is always getting shorter...

LIVE LIFE LOVE (:

am home (:

Piggy is home! yay! I breathe in air of freedom (: Home is good, home is always good. Home is true and honest, calm and peaceful, love and care, is a living heaven.

the island is a total contrast. ugly people with straight faces as if everyone owes them a million dollars, people are rushing as if there is a gold rush somewhere nearby, everywhere is crowded, and the saddest part is, you prob have only a square foot area of personal space. perfecto. haha.

So come home (: stay at home, that is where the true heart is.

listen

when you think that you are in a sea of people, talking so fast, chattering, thinking you are actually having real conversations with people but in actual fact you are not, you are in a sea of strangers of which you probably are just thinking that you are communicating with people. In the real world, effective communication is as rare as hen's teeth nowadays, people are so much of themselves that they have ceased listening to others. jumping into their own judgments and conclusions, and what else?

start listening to the person whom you are talking to! listening is an art. it is.

and, thank you for listening. (:

1 funeral and 3 birthdays

11 April 2010 is a day to be remembered.

may the Buddha be with you always.

love.