commencement

Commenced! The beginning of many beginnings.
Thank you mummy and daddy and bro :)
Thanks Joyce too I know you want to be here as well.
Thanks to my darlings!
Thanks xiugui for the lilies.
BIG HUGS with LOVE from piggy (yours truly)

I will definitely miss all the good times & bad times we had
As much as I am reluctant to move on
I am forced to get on with life
can't always be with you guys
but I have only one last request
grant my last request let me hold you
promise me that things will not get worse if not better

I wish you guys all the best in school, work, choir, everything.
you can always find me back where I left.
the friendships, bonds, love that we've established is priceless.
& they already occupy a special place in Joanne's heart.
Farewell! to a new beginning. cheers.

innocence can never last

I learned to listen more these days
keeping the chatter box down than usual

I love to sing
I want to dance

Attended Denise's wedding today. For once I was touched by our singing, the Claire Benediction, people are actually listening to every word we sang, you could tell from their faces how much it meant to most of them. I had goosebumps. Yes I did. :) May Denise and Zachery have a happy married life. *hugs*

Yes, realized I won't frequent school that much after Thailand. I could. I want to. But there is no reason for me to. I will definitely miss RVR.

Nothing's wrong with me. It's just me. I'm Joanne. I treasure things a lot especially if it is special. I would do the same to everyone whom I care for. I never seek anything in return and I understand I couldn't expect everyone to be like me. It's okay.

Innocence can never last. It's wearing out. I can sense that it's depleting from my body. Perhaps that explains the more frequents deep thoughts etc. Maturity brings the cruel world to peopleeyes... and sometimes I wish I haven't seen the other side of mankind. It's the silent battle between friends, brothers and sisters are the scariest.

Let me sleep and don't wake me up even when September ends, can you? I'm officially tired. I know many others are more tired than me even. Even if I'm dead tired... this journey has to be continued. Rest, so that you can walk that extra mile. :)

ain't easy

life, I meant.

I tried. I'm tired. It's still in a mess.

Couldn't care to talk more these days. Not to mention the ceased of BHS. May my 2nd nature rest in peace. looking forward to your return. I wonder when will that be... hmm.

Superficiality tires the fuck out of me. Life is full of superficial. I hate it.

I should avoid crowd, really. I'm not in the mood at all to entertain people and put up an act.

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."

--From As You Like It (II, vii, 139-143)


"Just be yourself", easy said than done. I guess it's human nature to create a good atmosphere around the people one is with. It's not about a huge pretense or conspiracy, it's the polite form of act to get life going, to make people feel good about themselves and others. Do you get what I mean? It's difficult to explain. Girls think too much, I know. Haha. :) Oh well, that's why I shall talk less these days. And if I'm just being quieter don't worry I'm perfectly fine. When circumstances or situations change, people change as well. And we can only hope that the changes are for the good if not better. :)

A long break home away from this city is what I need most. I'm so looking forward to the week break at home after Thailand.

*hugs* love.

alone in the middle of the night...

just finished Standard Chartered Application. Look at the time... such unearthly hour! Internet was down until almost 2am. fuck.

still a bit not so used to everything else. haven't uttered any BHS for days. I'm losing it, myself, I'm afraid.

Yes I am focusing on job hunting. Should resume job search again! After I get a job, I should start on bf hunt haha. one step at a time girl :) start earning money and start the dating game again.

HW is damn right, I really need a soccer therapy, will do me best. I know I am a perfectionist don't have to remind me so many damn times. explains what a loser I am.

It's 0341hr I should just go sleep... yes, I should. goodnight! *hugs*

it's THE END finally

Joanne is leaving, soon, for good, farewell to the life I am letting go... it's time to move on. :)

A little alcohol helps the sleep a little each night.

To my dear friends:

It has been an amazing time knowing all of you (darlings, brothers, sisters, friends etc.) really. Take good care & all the best in studies & other things in life that matter to you!

Love,
Joanne.

the alcohol is kickin' in. :) shall go to bed now and sweet dreams my dear ones! *hugs*

youtube

Connie Talbot & Travis and Heidi are my daily doses of youtube entertainment. :)

Joanne can't help but smile every time she sees Connie and hears her voice. Travis and Heidi's dance is simply remarkable.

At a cross road...

waiting for god-knows-what... has no idea but still waiting, patience is running low though.
mood is ... *blank* not happy nor sad nor mad just hollow, empty.
needs soccer therapy, a real holiday, and a good book to read. A good company will be a bonus! :)
***
I realized I have been behaving rather indifferent lately, sorry about that. can't help it. life sucks and am tired with everything.
me: dude, where the fuck is my holiday?!?
dude: oh, your holiday is on vacation.
*laughs* mad.
now now... don't give me that look :) *hugs* love you all!

The F Word

word of the day: the F word

stupidity

1. I am awe at the extent of stupidity one can get.

2. What I once thought were important no longer are now... this only mean one thing. Joanne is getting old. :)

insignificant

While millions of people are striving hard for survival, somewhere out there some people are worried about insignificant things, worried about their past (which cannot be undone or changed), getting worked up for some ridiculous reasons. and in one corner of a tiny sunny island, Joanne is trying to sort out her life, getting a job, get out from stupid mess, gear up & move on with life. It has been a great 4 university years, especially the final year of her uni life.

Joanne should apologized for being violent, vulgar & defensive these days, though sometimes you guys deserved it. Haha... come to think of it, perhaps she should just be this way and continue to be outspoken and behaves however she likes. carefree. :p

Anyway, Kur, I know you are reading this... haha, yes I am haha-ing you. Thanks for transforming me into whoever I am now *hugs* what will I be without you? That's enough, else your head going to grow bigger.

1 July is the date to move out from RVR. Til then, have all the fun, before Joanne bids goodbye... and this is a song from MCR to all.

Love, Joanne. :)

Hello everyone

Joanne is still coughing like mad girl, until her stomach's muscles ache. Huixian said can tone the abs *frowns* Joanne thinks that she'd rather do crunches. She is considering relocating her blog, it's dumb to maintain this blog now.

Work is boring. John Tucker is lame. Earning money is not easy. And no, Joanne is not going to write an emo entry, at least not now. Our PM is remarrying, how lost touch am I with the Malaysian news!

Secrets are well kept. buried forever. Fantasies don't come true. Get a real life. Joanne feels like running away again, she secretly hopes that she gets a job overseas & start a new life where no one knows her. It can be done, Joanne is independent. Oh yeah, Joanne submitted UBS graduate training program application yesterday *fingers crossed*

Joanne did something stupid, again. please stop repeating the story. :) thanks

Tell me

Nowadays I can't even blog properly by having to think that at some point in time, some idiots are going to read my entry aloud at my presence. stupid guys! :p

Tell me how am I going to write anything these days... probably to document more BHS.

Anyway, Joanne needs money, tell her how to make money the fastest legal way and she's in dire need in securing a permanent job with decent pay. She has to move out from RVR in a months time and she's going to miss this place a lot, where she'd stayed for 3 years.

Life sucks. But still life has to go on whether you like it or not.

just for fun :)

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

the end of Jessica

Heroes season 1 finale, Niki came back with Jessica's powers and marked the end of Jessica. Yeah, not going to say any more Joanne-Niaoer stuff here haha... you guys can make up your own stories. :)

To those who like to read out blogs aloud: morons.

No more mind games.

Last night was the ultimate bitchiness of me. Sorry. Joanne is not that kind and good person as everyone sees after all. So now you know.

Yesterday was 45 min late for choir. shit. sorry.

Joanne is going to teach P6 English tuition til PSLE realised it's only less than 3 months assignment, need to help a failing kid to pass English. I hope I can do it. $200 per month. first $100 goes to the agent. Haha. not much left. Oh well, it's ok, it's the experience that counts. Thanks SP for the tuition contact :)

Thanks Meiyen for the dinner treat last night. Great to meet up with her again. I miss the good old school days.

Uni life is ending. Mummy said, "This is life, move on." Thanks. *hugs* That's it, move on Joanne. Don't do anymore stupid shit.

Yes Joseph, Joanne shall try not to be so vulgar, and yes, is going to miss the 3 hot guys she's been hanging out with in RVR. *hugs* They call themselves the coolest sometimes, haha, make up your mind darlings, can either be hot or cool but not both.

"...Some like it hot

Some like it cold

Some like it in the pot

nine days old"

Haha.. it just came to my mind instantly, and it's your cue to laugh or roll eyes or whatever or show your "L" sign. Joanne doesn't care. :p

The Red Devils has cancelled their Asia Tour to M'sia. *sads* sighs.

Suddenly running out of ideas what to blog... oh ya I remembered what I said last night, "people do not appreciate all the shit you've done, but will condemn & magnify the smallest error you did." Life sucks. Solution: don't give a damn. Haha... remembered a good friend once told me this in high school, he's damn cool & really don't care a shit what you think or say. If only I could be like him. Those were the days... :)

One last thing, stop burdening yourself with others' problems. Just mind your own business.

No this is not the new Joanne. It has always been her around with different selves haha. nutcase.

Joanne is back

from where ever she has gone to :p

Anyway, I couldn't graduate with 2nd lower hon after all, as expected. :( oh well... can't complain, blame my stupid head.

I miss my BHS, and I know no one does *sad* my BHS will die soon, fewer and fewer people actually get the BHS-ness. Haha. Oh heck, I will entertain myself.

These few days triggered memories of him. I can't help but miss the grandpa that used to be here with us. Life moves on. Cherish before everything perishes.

Hong Kong trip was good. Ate a lot, did some shopping, sight-seeing the usual touristy stuff. Oh ya we went to watch Sammi Cheng's concert live! It was really awesome! I'd have gone wild if am in the crazy crowd haha. Anyway, weather wasn't good, kept raining until the last 2 days. Thank goodness at least we had 2 good sunny days but both days were freaking hot! I can almost feel my hotness coming out haha.. ok, this is not funny I agree. :p *bleh* am just bored. I cracked my first and ever Cantonese BHS! OMG I actually feel proud of myself! hahaha if I'm not crazy I dunno what do you call this. I'm going to miss the durian dessert!

Intensive job search must begin now. I don't want to be one of the 3% who are unemployed. Please please let me secure a job by July before commencement. *fingers crossed*

I still hate the superficiality of people. Bah, sometimes I am like that too and I hate it. I wish I could just be myself and not to please anyone. "Learn to say "NO" for heaven's sake!"

People don't think of you as you think so much for them so just look after your own ass! But it's so hard to practice, no?

Oops, getting bit pessimistic here... thoughts running wild, again. Alright time to stop. Last few updates, I missed both FA Cup and UEFA Champs League finals. *sads* My doses of happiness just gone like that. Even sadder Man U lost, f***! sighs. AC Milan won though, good for them! I'm not exactly ecstatic or what.. oh well, at least Liverpool didn't get the cup haha. I know, no logic. Life doesn't operate in logics. Life is unpredictable.

Came back, unpacked, clean the room, swept & mopped the floor *smiles* changed to clean sheets. Feels so good. Oh and yes, I got water. :) And, Joanne is doing laundry, she has to go and check her laundry now, take care peeps. *loves*

Blogging from the office

Oops, haha... shouldn't be but who cares anyway, heck! Been youtubing in office as well and some job search but not very productive sighs...

Went home last weekend finally ever since when, CNY? Yeah. Ratu Nad came home with me too. :) haha... hope you enjoyed the trip, kampong not as fun as city? :p or at least some people from city claim so. Whatever. Haha. I don't care.

The business with BHS and lameness are getting out of control now. Great. I get the look all the time now whenever BEFORE I say it haha awesome, you guys can see it all coming already! *bleh* You all will miss it! definitely, I will too. Life sucks man.

Red Devils is the EPL champ. yay! :) Next: FA Cup!

AC Milan, I hope you win UEFA Champs League. Not Liverpool. Sorry Liverpool fans haha.

Weird dreams coming on and off again. Damn. Get out from my head. When I thought I can let go everything behind and move on, there's this tiny string that tries to hold me back. Oh well... Joanne will do just fine. No emo shit. Stop listening to emo songs, don't read emo books, don't watch emo shows. Avoid those shit. *grins*
Oh ya, got tagged by Ratu Nad. Supposed to write some 6 weird things about myself haha... I dunno which are the top 6 but I'll try.

1. People actually do call me weird. BHS & my infamous lame jokes. Haha. Get me a cute orthopaedic to fix my leg yah? thanks.

2. I talk to myself. Yes, I do. I used to talk to myself out loud but not anymore cos I realised it can be very worrying to others hahaha... if I do I'll make sure no one hears me. :)

3. There's a problem with me & trust. We never get along well, and I could never establish trust with myself nor with anyone. That explains why I could never work out any relationship. alright, let's not dig up history.

4. I like / don't like things for ridiculous reasons. eg. I don't eat brinjal because it's purple. I don't eat dates because it looks like cockroach. I like number 4, 13 & 44 because most people don't. I like to have pattern of sequence in most things I do. (haha ok there are many more but can't list out, it's queer enough)

5. I don't like to do something to my hair. haha. I seldom am satisfied with any hairdresser. and I don't believe in spending fortune on hair. rebonding? NO. perm? NO. color? NO. haha.

6. I sleep talk. :)

There you go the weird stuff about me. There are more... haha. I'm weird what. :p

Ok, I should go now. the couple hasn't come back from job search though. but the office is super cold! It's a messy entry.

Joanne, read my lips. GO!

okok... leaving right now. *wink*

sad... I lost my heart

ok, now i've got ur attention haha. sorry I'm damn bored not that I have nothing to do, but.. oh well, just a few minutes of crapping.

Dunno what's gotten into my head lately, thoughts kept drifting away, concentration level is critically low! For example, last night I was making notes for my presentation:

Results & Discussion:
1. Degree of sericin removal
2. Pore Coverage
3. Pay bill (wtf?!?!)
(Pattaya... and at this point I realized I'm writing nonsense! *faint*)

Haha.. and so I went to freshen myself a bit and continue...

3. Mechanical testing:
a) 1 yarn degummed silk
b) 14 days silk
c) same as Iris (haha.. the moment I saw what I wrote I couldn't help but laugh at my stupidity, that's it, I've gotta stop doing whatever am doing!)

By that time it's soccer hour, AC Milan vs Man Utd, sopcast was lagging (thanks to Tina anyway, haha.. another alternative to watch live sports), TVants was also lagging a bit and yes, about 4 minutes delayed. LOUSY. Anyway, point is, the match was depressing, Man Utd got trashed 0-3 sad... the streaming wasn't good, the match wasn't promising... I just decided not to watch but the tv was on nonetheless... woke up at every cheer but disappointingly not the cheers of Red Devils. Yes, Kevin, haha.. we'll try again next year.

Oh ya, Heroes ep. 20. There is no more Jessica and Niki. Sad. What about Joanne and Niaoer? Haha.. ok, Kurien, I can see that coming. I've got a feeling the story won't end... it's like going in circles. literally.

Life sucks. Presentation is tomorrow and am freaking nervous... having anxiety to not screw things up. OK, I'm running low on things to say I have the feeling the more crappy stuff is going to be released soon if I don't stop right now. Haha.

And yes I have lost my heart. That explains why I have no concentration. Anyway tell me when you see it, it's red & kind looking. haha. I know I'm crazy.

Ok. Bye peeps. *yawn* boring right... go sleep.

Laughs of the week

need to spice up my blog a bit! :)

Scene 1. On the way to have lunch in Macs.
Aaron: Hey, you guys wait for me k, I go pee first, very fast.
me: Can… you go ‘P’ we go ‘Q’ k
Haha… instant laughter, luckily Aaron didn't hear it. Kurien gave me the stare and rolled eyes.
me: OMG, I just did it again… haha. Please don't tell what I just did..
Kurien: Hahahaha..
And yes, being the usual Kurien, he told everyone we met. :p

Scene 2. After shower
Huixian: Hey, your slippers are very slippery.
Aaron & I instantly exchanged looks... I kept quiet.
Aaron: Say it, I know you are going to say it...
me (trying not to laugh): No, I'm not going to say it. You knew what I was going to say... you are as lame. You say!
Aaron: Haha no, I don't. Say it, I can feel it's coming...
me: No, I'm not going to say.
Huixian: What...
me: Nothing. Some lame thing again.
Haha.. yay, I won! I didn't say it.

Don't I have better things to do? Haha... actually there were more funny moments during the whole weekend, but I forgot, see I don't always remember what I said, I'm trying to control it already ok? :p Kur, why not you document them haha... we could make a career out of it and be famous.

conspiracy

It's like a big scam of conspiracy

Superficiality is getting more common

Blurred line of honesty & lie

Can we just shut our eyes & ears?

Ignoring won't make things disappear

Too many people too many opinions

Clashes of idealogies & priorities

No shared vision

All is just in a fucked up mess

Every word said has more than one meaning

Each sentence entails more than it contains

Even a smile tells more than one sees

Simplicity is out of the league

Web of complexities weaving in

Walls of defenses building up

There isn't honesty

sincerity nor trustworthy

People are very cautious

People don't speak out like they used to

Wariness has increased

We can't help but miss the people we all once knew

Everything has changed

All that is left is fragments of memories

well kept in the old chest

Suddenly I just wanna go home

a sanctuary safe & warm :)

Oh no, haha, please don't say it's another emo entry, oh well, who cares, I like.. :p I'ts not emo, it's facts of life. Ya right.. haha. Well, I don't have to justify myself, no matter how sucky life is, no doubt there are still good things in life too. Why bother, life is too short to get upset about stupid stuff like this anyway.

falling rain

it's raining
I'm stuck in my room
waiting for the rain to stop
rain makes me feel like raining too
and I hate this feeling
it sucks
eats and gets into me
don't care if the world ignores me
as long as Joanne doesn't
niao-er is more than happy
mister rain, can you please stop now
so that I could get away
and fly out of this room
it's going to be a cold day
really cold day...
even people seem cold
why of all days on a rainy day?

I could use a warm hug
warm tea
warm smile
warm woolen jacket
warm company
right now

I don't see it coming
not now
'cos it's raining
not too heavily
but enough to get you wet & drenched
and miserable

oh well, stop whining and get moving!
*smiles*

Niki vs Jessica : Niao-er vs Joanne

Niao-er sees the resemblance. But she is not a damn Hero like Niki is. Yes, she knows. Girl, stop dreaming. Gosh, she got too much TV influence. :p

Confusion builds up in her from time to time
It's like the battle of two in the body of one
When one predominates the other
one takes control of her actions and destiny
She gets scared at times too
of what the other is capable of doing
Sometimes, she couldn't help but wonder
she does not know the person she used to know anymore
and she is supposed to be the one she grew up with
has she gone mad, again?
But even Jessica has a kind heart deep down
Perhaps Niao-er should begin to believe that
somewhere deep inside there's a kind soul to be discovered :)

p.s.: No, people, I don't have a dead twin sister.
p.p.s.: go watch Heroes episode 19 0.07% *smiles*

disappointed

disappointed with myself

sigh... move on

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than the ones that you did." Mark Twain

I did all I could

requiem of a dream

"There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit and sense." Elizabeth Bennet (Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen)

There are days when I can just be so skeptical about everything; and every single event around just seem to be conspiring against me. There is no trust. There is no real connection. Sounds scary. As if everything just withers... like the falling leaves. Everything just becomes foreign, as if being thrown into the unknown, behind the guise of facade, therein lies a lost bird singing the requiem of a dream.

Anyway I have something to share, was you-tubing out of boredom and found this requiem, beautiful composition I think : ) so much emotions in the music. amazing.

requiem of a dream

I do not know why the sudden weird entry :p perhaps too much of studying + coffee + weird concoction + insanity + not enough sleep...

To everyone: GOOD LUCK & ALL THE BEST in exams! :) Take care, get enough rest and don't get OD on coffee or any other form of caffeine or alcohol!

thanks darlings

The title sounds cheesy enough. I shall keep the content short and sweet. *smiles*

Joanne turned 24 years old a week ago, she wants to send her heartfelt thanks to all her darlings (family and friends) for all the well wishes, hugs, kisses, surprise visits cum parties, dinners, cards, emails, sms(es), calls, presents, cakes, chocolates and balloon. Yes, it's her best birthday ever in the NUS.

It's late and Joanne is tired. Probably will update another day.

with love,
rosy piggy :)

best match ever! : )

photo from: www.manutd.com

I knew it. Haha... I'm overjoyed. Anyone would enjoy the match, 8 goals in total!! and it's not cheapo clubs playing! Man Utd won 7-1 to Roma! Woohoo! Soccer is my first love : ) The Red Devils were simply awesome, amazing! Michael Carrick and Christiano Ronaldo both scored double, other 3 goals were by Alan Smith, Wayne Rooney and defender Patrice Evra.

photo from: www.soccernet.com

TVants' streaming was exceptionally good today *smiles* although the match is still few mins late not really live. Lyndley was IM-ing me Ronaldo's 2nd goal and I was still celebrating his first. Stupid girl... Urgh! nevertheless it still feels great to catch up with soccer once again!

Good start for a good day I hope haha.. I still have Jap oral test later in the evening and I'm still so slack. Something is seriously wrong with me! Alright time to sleep now :)

Red Devils Rules! *wink*

tribute to Liverpool

Last weekend's EPL match. I am not a fan of Liverpool! But I must give credits to the Reds for trashing the Gunners 4-1 wahaha! I know this post came a little too late. But whatever, don't think anyone who reads my blog watch soccer anyway :p Watch out for Peter Crouch of Reds and Red Devils' Paul Scholes

Thanks to Ferdinand's stupid own goal against Portsmouth yesterday, Chelsea is 3 points behind Man Utd now. Really hope they can win the title this season, been a little too long since they last lifted the cup.

Yeah, want to catch up with soccer again, essence of life. *smiles*

Now that everything is going to end soon, it's time to catch up with soccer, readings, writings, traveling, and of course old friends!

cheers : )

people change

people change : ) nice song. thanks to crazy mich dear.

People change everyday, every thing changes all the time.
The only thing that is constant is change itself.
Speak about ironies of life!

There have been lots of changes lately, I do not know whether it is more of change of heart or change of mind. *smiles* Either, it doesn't matter. Maybe it's both.

Silence does not mean ignorant, just chose not to voice out. No point saying when change is beyond limits. There is too much pride. Silence is my best defense. What we once used to talk & joke about never could be discussed over now. We don't share views like we used to. Suddenly I miss the people I used to know. But people change, I have changed too. Perhaps the change is for the better.

If change is for the whole good, change isn't that bad after all : ) starting with the man in the mirror let's make a change.

A doesn't make much sense entry haha.. so fragmented. written in the midst of chatting over msn talking crap... bah...

musings of life

there are moments when we say yes when we actually mean no, and say no when in fact the answer is yes. But why? to please the other party, to be politically correct, to do yourself a favor? Often times we say or do things not entirely to benefit ourselves, do we? I often have the problem of giving rejections. pretentious is my special skill. If I were to name one, that would be it, a pretender, and a hell of a good one. really.

musings of life... when people are afraid they just avoid. why not confront? to avoid massacre? or war? Perhaps I should thank the education system for molding us to be such submissive people. When all feelings and frustrations all bottled up inside waiting to be erupt things can turn very ugly. But that is really not their main concern do they? they always have people standby to clean up the mess.

ever really give a thought of yourself?

what are you to contribute in life? are you here to make a difference, regardless big or small, live a mark and give your stand. or are you just here to live cos you are stuck in the stream of life, going with the flow. or are you like the birds and the bees to help procreation of the flowers and nature, to make the world a more vibrant place. or are you like the pest to destroy the crops of life just to breathe a living. or are you just a scholar to contribute to the academics of life. or.. the list goes on and on.

Am mastering the skill of ignoring, it is the best weapon or self defense skill anyone could attain.

with regards to my equation.. I'm an engineering student, hence the mathematics equation. 1 is an entity regardless of size or whatever. no value assigned, just 1, it's a unity. *smiles*

rainy-sunday-morning post

It’s raining, and I hate rain. It keeps all the good things out of reach, as if the whole world is weeping for you. And when one cries, nobody will take notice, how can one differentiate raindrops and tear drops in the rain anyway?

No, I’m not sad. I’m not happy either. I’m just in the rainy mood.

Woke up this morning and the first thought that came to me wasn’t something pleasant. Yes, I’m blaming the rain. Damn. Sorry.

Eccentricity will drown me one day. I should stop behaving mad.

Dreams are coming back to me again. I do not enjoy any of them. I wish the Haitian does exist in real life, or perhaps a more practical thing to wish for is a dreamcatcher.

There is no Haitian dear, and dreamcatcher is only a fable.

Amazed at my independence… but I’m not proud of it. Haha, it’s tiring, and it can be intimidating at times. I reach a certain extent where I do not know where am I heading anymore, why am I always so headstrong? Second best is not acceptable; mediocre is definitely out of the league.

Don’t get too hard on yourself my dear.

Maybe I am being too demanding. I have to admit that.

Oh by the way I have an interesting philosophy: *wink* which kind of relationship is ideal for you?

A) 1+1=2
In a relationship where there are 2 individuals, with different beliefs, ideologies; most of the time there are contrast in thoughts but somehow they just manage to get along just fine.

B) 0.5+0.5=1
“You complete me”-kind of relationship. A relationship where 2 individuals complement each other, make up for each other's strengths and weaknesses; 2 half circles become 1 full circle analogy.

C) 1+1=1
2 different individuals get together, and become one. Mathematically it doesn’t exist, in reality, it does. It’s rare though.

My ideal relationship is option C) haha. It’s so me… always go for the impossible and put myself in a fix. 2 very different people, despite the differences, they still put up with each other with due respect. As I have told Yen, and Queen… I want someone who can argue and challenge my outrageousness, but making up to each others’ mistakes by the end of the day. Haha okay, I’m not writing here it’s getting really weird already. My point is I’m just being difficult with myself. In case you are wondering what this paranoid girl is babbling haha, don’t waste your grey matter on this silly philosophy of mine. It just came to me, must be the rain.

And I realized the rain has stopped. No wonder my mood is getting cheerier. Haha, lesson learned for the day is don’t meet me on rainy days : ) unless you want to see the storm.

So, piggy is back to her normal self again, only after 2 hours she woke up from her first 8 hours of sleep in a month. Let’s get work starting now. *smiles*

To whom it may concern: Thank you for everything *hugs*. You had me realized what I want for myself and that is the best gift ever. Nothing is certain but you have my word I’ll try to keep whatever we have reached so far.

Love, (^@^)

insanity will save me from going crazy : )

How's that so? *wink* That's for you to figure it out. Haha. In the midst of processing that stupid line, don't get yourself all too worked up. she's mad. haha!

this girl has lots of crazy dreams, and she hopes that at least few of them would come true if not all. *smiles*

this little piggy wishes everyone all the best & good luck in everything! : )

*HUGS* take care

恋

单恋是愚痴
相恋是理想
自恋是傲慢

哈哈，上课无聊，突然想起一堆废话理论。

different kind of good

It has been a good week, or rather different kind of good. *smiles*

met Yen and we talked like old chums & thanks for the surprise gift!
skipped lecture for the 1st time this sem cos I couldn't wake up
managed to let go of certain things that I've been clinging onto too much
spoke to my German classmate for the first time
photocopy-shop aunt initiated small talk & told me to study hard :)
some random Indian woman complimented on my shirt in the lift
people appeared friendlier or maybe they always have been but I never took notice
want to know the weather forecast? ask my knee *arthritis at my age??*
crazy said I looked younger! Haha
queen gave me a pleasant surprise =)
perhaps the week will only get better *crossed fingers*

despite the mood swing & unwanted cold shoulder. I reasoned myself out *smiles* that will not let myself to be affected. Regardless what, you are not the centre of my universe & it will stay that way till someone comes along who can paint my world picture perfect, perhaps I'll reconsider :p

Everything just seems more beautiful when one is in love
such radiance beaming on one's face
one seems more approachable and friendly
even the people/strangers on the streets
start smiling and giving compliments
the world just seem to be a better place
despite the mundane shit work in hand
it just seem so minute & insignificant
for love is in the air
all the cares and hugs one need is only a breathe away
breathe... :)

Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction. ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

hugs from piggy :) to you

Everyone seems so worked up these few days. Stress level sky rocket like nobody’s business. I try to keep my cool and sanity level to as normal as I could.

I shall ask not "are you ok?" Honest, no one is ok, it's only superficial.

I shall stress not too, will try, for it will not help if I were, whatever will be will be... (you don't have to ask your mother to tell you this *wink*) just do your best.

I read troubles in your eyes
I felt the helplessness in your gaze
there was nothing I could do
hugs are only way to show my care
but I was afraid to be shunned away
In case if you ever needed one
you can always find me where you left me

There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. ~Mother Teresa

LoveTM

credit: www.deviantart.com

What an interesting concept to package love :)
Love is just some foolish game
where there will only be more heart breakers by the end of day
of course there are winners
but consider the number of people that got hurt along the way
there's no right or wrong
only just mr or ms right
have you found urs?
or should I rephrase the question...
how many mr or ms wrong have you rejected and hurt?
life is full of crap.

I care
I show concern
I bother
I help in all ways I could

Even though it is only cold shoulder I received in return
that doesn't make me being less concern
when one decides to love there's no turning back
until when they hit badly
but still love still goes on
but on a different level now
it's silent
it's hiding
it's secretly in action

Love does not mean being together 24/7
is to be able to understand each other
NOT trying to please
DEFINITELY NOT obligatory
Love is being able to fight and argue
but make up by the end of day
with rationale and due respect
never bring disagreements to next day
Love is being able to share and care
the lows and the highs
the sorrows and happiness
Love is being yourself and comfortable with it

my definition of LOVE.

Love with care *hugs*

girl in the mirror

"Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always explaining things to them." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Are you tired?
Yes I am

Why?
because I have been walking and talking and haven't reach a rest stop

Just rest now!
I wish I could but life doesn't permit so. It's like rowing a boat upstream, you can't just stop rowing because you are tired; if you do, you'll just end up downstream once more, and there's a likelihood of getting lost in the big big ocean of the unknown where sharks & dolphins live; mermaids & sea serpents made legendary.

You are nuts! :p
Perhaps I am *smiles* But then again, nuts couldn't speak, could they?

You are insane!
What is sanity? Insanity is a noun used by people who are envious of people like me because they couldn't be one of us! Haha!

You are out of your mind!
*puzzled look* But I was never inside my mind.

You are tired my dear, get some rest & everything will be okay tomorrow. *hugs*
Yes I am. But (there's still something left unexplainable and that how things are left hanging most of the time...) So life goes on as usual, striving for survival every day not knowing what are we fighting for. Survival of the fittest? smartest? By the end of the day, I can't help but to think of the "now". How many unresolved loose ends in life that most probably will never be tied anyway. Questions without answers...

hyper crazy :p

I'm just plain hyper crazy today. I have no idea why... Haha! Something is wrong with me seriously... yea maybe you are right, am too stressed that my intelligence went back by few years! Haha.. it doesn't make sense either. Going to sleep now... I want to make a prediction before I shut my eyes haha, for the next 3 days I'm going to be tired and not hyper. Next week will be emo week, next month will be month of liberation! and the rest will be history if I even manage to walk through April in one piece. Stop crapping crazy! Go to bed, good night sweet dreams sleep tight don't fight off light sleep now, yeah right!

CRAZY!

*go to sleep my sleepy eyes...**smiles*

Thanks people and I love you too!

Thanks everyone & I love you too! :)

Ok, haha, I think I cannot take anymore mushy stuff in my blog. Don't want it to be too sappy. *smiles*

Yes, will miss you all of you a lot! *hugs* And you are right, I can't detached myself from choir. haha, I've accepted that fact. I do wish our dreams will come true haha.. hearty tarts & singing as part time. Lovely life! =) stand-up comedy or sitcom production don't sound too bad too! haha...

Wake up piggy! you are not the centre of the universe ok? And for the nth times, I'm not being emotional, bish, just sad... but not emotional or moody. *smiles*

Anyway, am okay now, no time for such stuff, moving on to the most urgent thing on the agenda -- FYP thesis. Good luck to me & all the best to everyone else too!

I'm going to be so dead, 2 weeks left!! sleepless nights ahead...

love,
piggy turned panda

farewell

credits to: www.deviantart.com

And so I fell hard again
stupidity betrays me
why do I get too attached?
I am in love
saying goodbye to love ones
is one of the most difficult things in life
and loneliness...
it's coming back to me now
my heart shuts out from the world once again
when will it open up to the next?
***
I will not get all emotional
thanks for all your love & support
yes it is time to move on from everything
you gave me the best times in my university life
And yes I miss singing already!
***
Ouch I felt hurt & felt dejected
you said yes to everyone but not to me
it's okay
perhaps it is time for me to move on from you too

Thank you for being there whenever I needed
I don't think I can ever find where I left you in the future
Patience is all I have for you
take care.

hugs & love,
Joanne.

mixed feelings

NUS Choir has given me a lot and I could have never asked for more. *smiles* really. feels kinda sad that I have to graduate and leave all the good things behind in NUS.

Voyage of Songs (Genting Highlands Malaysia)

天下无不散之宴席。

VV2004

I will miss everyone and every single thing! 4 years in the choir indeed a long time, so many projects, competitions, late night suppers, horrendous practices (haha), bitching sessions, external performances, engagements, carolings etc. Am going to miss the people the most! argh...

Festival of Songs (Olomouc, Czech Republic)

*sobs* shouldn't get too attached to one thing it makes departing so much difficult.

VV2006

Have to go through the same shit every year, but every year I tell myself there are new juniors coming in, even though past seniors have left, I can always get acquainted with juniors. And every year the cycle continues, but now what... final year, am leaving!!! Don't even know what the future is like... boring mundane full of shit work? argh.. don't even want to think about it.

VV2006

Oh well, people grow and we have to always move on. I am grateful for all the people and good things that happened in my life in NUS. I do. NUS Choir is like my 2nd family in Singapore.

Thank you.

Hugs with love,
Joanne a.k.a. piggy

tired

tired.
everything is stupid.
altruism is a fad AND a facade.
I'd rather just be a bitch.
you see that smile?
it hides more than it entails.
it's fading.

But... there is one thing that is genuine. Hatiku. The liver. *smiles*

some updates

Well, my friend & I have been on a mini investigating mission. I'd say we are too nosy & free, nothing better but to bitch about other people's life? Haha. Anyway, it was rather fun, well, case is solved, oh well, more or less. Due to sensitivity of the issue, the case has to call to a halt & file closed. *grins* So fun! Haha, we should dig up another case and do it again. I'm proud of my skills, but of course, you are way much better!

It's amusing to interview people and get all point of view on a same subject. I discover that most of the time people only choose to believe what they want to believe. No matter how clear the truth is placed before them, people most of the time will choose to be clouded & stay in their denial state. On the same subject matter, you'll get total opposite views & stories! amazing huh, humans! *winks*

Anyway, point is, being different is part of life. Everyone is unique in their own ways. Yes, you can't compare an apple and an orange! (nor a papaya :p) Some people just happen to click with us, some people just don't but I do know people who are friendly to everyone! That's cool. really.

What's got into me again? I have no idea. Such fluctuations of mood, weird piggy! Haha. Some updates on me, should stop posting ridiculous entries but narrative ones like this is boring. Well... don't bother. :p

Oh I'm still feeling sleepy all the time yes, and my backs are still aching lack of rest I guess and not enough sleep. I wasn't all too worked up for my 2 tests today, good thing? Both were okay I guess though I'm not sure I did well in both of the papers. Bah... screw it, it's over.

FYP still the same, haha waiting for the D Day to arrive and decide my destiny. So exciting!

And, no, I don't have a bf, and, for the nth times stop asking me to look for a bf. Now, I kinda regret I didn't get one earlier hahaha. Nah, I'm talking nonsense here. :) *ignore me*

CNY was ok, kinda quiet this year, it is never the same without him celebrating with us. I can just sense that everything is falling apart, but yes, we are trying to hold things together but how long can it last, I have absolutely no idea. Anyway I'm pretty sure everything won't turn that bad since grandma is still around. Thank goodness she recovered! *smiles* can start scolding people meaning great improvement though still couldn't really walk by herself. Oh well, it was a miracle she could recover, I am absolutely grateful for that.

Happy that manage to catch up with some old friends. =) Here's a pic of us, sad, there are only 9 of us... Met up with 2 best friends of mine too, but no pictures :( oh man, I should really get a digital camera or at least a 2.0megapixel camera phone haha... no money, poor girl I am.


Last Saturday, went to Ratu's house! Ya, went alone... raja & PM didn't go, half expected anyway. Thanks a lot dear ratu *hugs* for the lunch, food, fortune cookie, car ride to mrt, everything! =) Come my place next holiday! And yes, Melaka is a nice place, although city people think it's a boring "kampung" :p nevertheless, I live near the beach, it's beautiful :) especially in the evening!

Sunday, went to another friend's house, we had a little CNY gathering with steamboat and mahjong. It was really great to see you guys & girls again, I rarely see my friends now in year 4 it's like everyone is leading their own uni life, busy with their own FYPs, no more common modules, we don't even lunch together anymore. So ya, it's good to get together again! Thanks peeps! And these are my coursemates...


Going to my best friend's place tmr night for another CNY gathering. Am quite busy with work and everything, but I should go meet up with old friends, feeling bit guilty, I rarely make an effort to keep in touch, sorry ya... I shouldn't just stay in NUS with my books all the time. My grades won't improve any further... it's sad fact, I've accepted that.

Bah... what a long and boring lengthy entry... hahaha... don't care. I'm not even reading it thru again to edit it. too lazy. that explains why I'm a piggy. :p Well, I shall change everything to small font to save space & stop writing rubbish.

Take care everyone!

To mummy & everyone at home, take care too, love piggy *hugs*

3 men

1. You gave me joy & confidence in life. You taught me love.

I miss you a lot. Every time I wish for the unreasonable and impossible, when will I ever grow up? Life goes on, girl... everything will be all right no matter what. I know you will always look over us all the time, always. *love*


2. You give me everything the best you could. You taught me respect.

I don't understand you sometimes. But you have been trying to be a better person & I know it. Everyone does & Everyone can tell. *hugs* Thank you for everything and we all love you no matter what.


3. You give me what I fail to give myself. You taught me patience.

I think I am falling for something which is not even there, am I? It is ridiculous but I am certain of what am I going through. I will be alright. You may not be part of the equation in my life but you have indeed made a mark in it. *smiles* I am grateful for that.

hope.love.family

Hope.
despite the uncertainties
I'm still hanging onto the slightest hope
like the only flower that survived the storm
I silently wish & hope
for the sunshine

Love.

Family.
where love never cease to exist
never ending supplies of love, hugs & affections
my best refuge.

behind the fortress

I love this picture haha... since when I'm so morbid? No idea. Perhaps it is always been inside of me. :p

"Talking to you is like pulling teeth, and I am running out of teeth"

But why?

I think I love to talk so much that I would still talk even though I've lost all my teeth. Perhaps it is time to really seriously adopt silence, else I'll lose all my teeth soon enough.

My interpretation of this photo:

"Don't mess around with me!" Brave girl who ain't afraid of anything not even tooth extraction.

Behind the strong fortress
it is bleeding inside
but the battle is still on
fighting for rights
chasing hopes
realizing dreams
even if ended up scarred
there will always be sanctuary
within the citadel

:)

Ordinary Valentine's :)

It is just another ordinary day, couldn't have been more ordinary. What about Valentine's? Nothing about it. *smiles*

People feel intimidated on this day, afraid of spending time alone, afraid of being cast the pity look by loving couples, afraid of being uninvited, afraid of being left out alone, afraid of whatever reason? No idea haha!

Anyway, the irony is there was no one in the lab this evening. By 6pm everyone was GONE! Surprised. Usually people even come and work on Sunday and stay till late night, wow... I can't help but to think St Valentine's have such great powers haha... Funny that I find it amusing though.

Love is definitely not in the air for me. I give up. It has always been unrequited. Period.

Cynical is just the word to describe me. :p Lovey-dovey, mushy-teary emotional love soaps just ain't my cup of tea, practical person I am. Sorry, not a romantic.

What about Valentine's then? Just another ordinary day, work still goes on, people still eat, drink, shit, as per normal. There are deadlines still, tests, assignments, and whatever else... By the time you realized it's already 15th Feb, makes you wonder, 14th Feb was just another day.

"Let me get you roses
with boxes of chocolate
accompanied with hugs & kisses
gesture of showing my love for you
on this special day"

No thanks my dear,
I don't need all those
I'd rather spend the rest of 364 days
just you and me
walking through the journey of life

One day if we ever reach crossroads
and decided we should lead different paths
we shall still remain as best of friends forever


*smiles*

piggy sends out her love to everyone *hugs*

Happy V Day!

wish everyone a happy & LOVEly day every day! (not only on this commercialized day) *smiles*

=)

hugs with love,
piggy.

And so it goes

I have a sudden urge to buy an electric piano. should I? haha...

"If it makes you happy... why not?" thanks girl *hugs* I should seriously consider about it.

It's time to listen to the whispers of my heart...
what is it that I really want out of my life

"We can never make a living out of our passion... even if we do, we might end up killing it. Perhaps too busy working for money, and doing out more of responsibility rather than passion." Yeah, I guess you are right too. *smiles* We should develop our interest besides our boring work life.

"loads of vitamins L & A for you!" thanks queen!! *hugs tight* same to you too.

Even though this is a sucky semester, but at least I've lived my dream. I met really nice people. I revived my interest for soccer. I am determined to brush up on my piano skills. I can do basic conversation in Japanese! I have been to the top and reached the rock bottom. I laughed and I cried. I experienced the extremes. I went through the hardest times alone and with loved ones. There are more to come... and I'm sure we will all just do fine.

I think I have passed that stage too... can't give more a damn about FYP. It's just plain stupid. *oops* It's just something to make life difficult for final years. Last torment of the university years.

Yes dear, am still waiting for the sunshine after rain... the first dawn of rainbow *smiles* and so it goes, and so it goes, and you're the only one who knows..

still in silence

Thank you girl for listening me out, to my full load of crap. *hugs*

Really... it meant a lot to me. I'm not being emotional here.. I hate emotional stuff, makes you all teary and jerky :p Anyway, thanks!!

I'm not a very nice person, but I think I am not a bad person to start with haha... oops, I will be all right. Like I always say, life is all about learning and growing... what's joy without sorrow? happiness without pain?

Nights are the hardest to get over with. But eventually everything is going to be okay...

Silence is still my best defense and I think I should adopt that. It's the best. :)

p.s.: I shall catch up with you someday. just the 2 of us. *smiles*

p.p.s.: I should catch up with other people too... been neglecting lots of you peeps. sorry. what was I thinking??? f*** FYP, I need my life back! haha... and since I can't get someone to halve my stress/agony, I shall seek for my well being myself! should not let myself dwell into further and end up a bitter girl *wink*

silence is my best defense

I will learn to keep silence
I felt the pain... silence is all I give in return
laughter is my best disguise
in hope someday all these pretense will cease

words...

"at least you go to lab every day to do your work..."
-yes, I do but that doesn't give me the privilege of not obtaining results-

"sorry, I can't help you..."
-no one could-

"don't stress, you'll do fine.."
-fine or otherwise is yet to be known for sure, but stress is present regardlessly, & it's critical level stress!-

"Everything will come to an end soon.. just hang on."
-I will hang on till my last breath if I could, but how long can I hold on?-

"if no results then how?"
-I have no idea-

I appreciate all your concerns, honest. *hugs* Oh and this is my favorite..

"I can't help you do lab, but I'll print my photo & you can put it in the lab; whenever you are stressed, just look at me! it'll cheer you up!"
-Haha, my first genuine laugh for the week-

Thank you!

I may not be in the best of moods; nevertheless, thank you all. *smiles*